It's all done but the details...

I submitted my letter of resignation today. I'd already verbally resigned, they just needed the letter for my file. I also submitted my intent to vacate to my apartment people. Now I just need to pack. Ugh.

I hope I have found an apartment. The place is beautiful and has good ratings from an apartment ratings website I found. The costs are more expensive than move.com posted but still cheaper than my current rent for a 2 bedroom. Although maybe in the interest of saving money and paying down debt I should just go with a 1 bedroom. The 1 bedrooms they have are even cheaper (obviously they're only 1 bedroom. :P ) Ugh. This indecisiveness is annoying me. I like the idea of having a 2nd bedroom to put like my sewing machine and for when guests visit. The cost difference is only 120/mo (2160/yr).

The Pros and Cons

I've been offered the job in Dallas. They called an hour (ish) after I left from my interview. I don't even know if they called my references. I think she already knew I was the one she wanted but just needed to meet me in person to finalize. I just emailed my potential new boss with a few questions about vacation, retirement and holidays. The holidays thing because the casino bragged about how they gave you 9 personal holidays but only 1 week of vacation. It sounds good (because that is more than 2 weeks vacay) until you realize that they do not give you time off for ANY holiday. Had I stayed I would have been expected to work Christmas and Thanksgiving, day after Thanksgiving etc. That would have sucked balls.

So the pros of moving to Dallas:
1 - It is on the approved list (although in all honesty Michelle had to convince me of Texas to begin with and then Dallas was not approved until desperation set in)
2 - It is much less expensive to live there than it is here. I can rent a 2 bedroom apt near my work for less than I pay in rent for my barely 1 bedroom now.
3 - I think it would be a really interesting and challenging job. I would be the sole benefits person eventually teaching the HR asst benefits as well.
4 - I'll get to work on implementation of a completely new software for benefits & hr. That's exciting.
5 - PM is interested in Texas and hopefully would be moving there too in a couple years.
6 - My sister is really excited to have me move nearer to where she is. And it would be nice to live near her.
7 - I could eventually buy a kickass house for pennies. (Seriously, on move.com today and there are some really nice houses (to my eyes at least) for 100k or less. The one I saw for 280 was like a palace. Appeared as nice as the one PM just moved out of, and I'm pretty sure she didn't pay only 280.

Cons:
1 - I will have to move! I know I've wanted to, but it has always been such an abstract thought. Not something that ACTUALLY will happen.
2 - I'll miss my girls.
3 - I'll miss my friends.
4 - I'll have to make new ones. (I'm not so good at that. At All.)
5 - Maybe I wouldn't be good enough for my job.
6 - I'll miss the people I work with now.
7 - There are benefits I will be giving up. I'm pretty sure they don't do a 10% contribution to retirement. They don't have dental. I'm checking on a couple things before I decide.

I don't want to say no just because I'm terrified, but I also don't want to say yes just because I'm desperate.

Terrified

I'm heading out on a plane in a few hours to Phoenix and then to Dallas for a job interview. Hopefully I'll also hit Houston while there, but I haven't confirmed that one yet.

Currently terrifying me:

What if I hate Texas? I mean really HATE Texas? TX is high on the list. What if it is God-awful? The last time I went into TX I was like 11ish and we were driving to Disney on vacation. (Maybe 13ish). All I remember about Texas is that the states were just starting to pass seat belt laws and TX was a seat belt state. It was a hugeass state that took us like 2 days to get through and we had to be in our seats the entire time.

Awkward

This whole job hunting thing feels very awkward to me. There is A LOT of deception around it. While I am not above lying and I firmly believe everyone does so and that in some situations there's nothing wrong with it (honestly future husband, find a tactful way to say that dress makes my ass look huge or say nothing at all but never be "brutally honest"), if your current boss doesn't know you are looking it is all about the deception. My boss thinks I'm going to PM's house to help her move this weekend. Next week when I have to go to Pitt... well luckily I sneezed several times in my meeting this morning so... But I kind of hate the whole thing. Half my coworkers know what's going on. My boss, notboss and one coworker don't. And, as I've said before, 1/2 my coworkers are looking themselves.

If I think about it too hard, this makes me sad. My boss has no idea that 4/8 members of a department are planning on leaving sometime in the nearish future. I know I know he has done some toolish things, but he is still a person.

I'll Believe it When I See it

I tend to not believe things are happening until they are actually happening. I think that's why I've had such a hard time believing a - the job bs IS actually happening and b - I might actually have to move. I haven't been offered a job yet. I've got 2 face to face interviews sometime in the next 2ish weeks. Well... I definitely have one. I have been called on to go to the other one, but I can't decide if I should go. I'm hoping to hear from the oen in Houston this week. I thought that phone screen went really well.

Now, given that I have known about this possibility since April of 2009, you'd think I'd be almost totally ready to move, right? I'm not. I'm not even close. I know what big furniture/stuff I want to get rid of. Beyond that, I'm still out of control. :)

High Hopes

I had a phone interview with a bank in TX today. So far of all the jobs I've interviewed for this is one I'm pretty excited about. I think I would be the only benefits person there which I LOVE. It seems like a small department which I also love. There's growth happening and change happening which is all very exciting. I'll be really disappointed if this one doesn't pan out.

The one I interviewed with Pitt isn't going to happen I don't think. I'm not disappointed about that one predominantly because it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. It is a new role but strictly operational in nature - improving processes, mapping processes, blah blah blah. Not a lot of employee interaction.

The other role was for a medical provider also in Texas. I'd be okay with that one too. It is interesting in that there is a person in the role, but the position is getting upgraded and that is what I would be doing. Could be fun and interesting, but the thought of physicians after faculty members doesn't necessarily thrill me.

I do believe... :)

So my horoscope for today:

Congratulations. What you are about to enjoy is better than Ed McMahon showing up at your door with a giant check. The heavens have arranged an absolutely heavenly - if you'll pardon the pun - array of callers, all of whom will be intent on making you happy. Fortunately, the right one will indeed be among the crowd that is amassing. All you have to do is show up and interview applicants. Tough job.



Seems pretty nice right? I can hope this means job possibility is night. Maybe. :)



I had a bad phone interview with Pittsburgh. That's okay. Once she started talking about the job I realized I didn't think I wanted it. Plus I don't think I wanted to work for that lady.



I had what I think was a good phone screen with a medical group in TX. I should hear from that later this week.



I have another one tomorrow with a bank in TX. And hopefully I'll hear from a place in New England tomorrow. This could finally work out for me. :)

Adjustment

I wonder if Peruvian food is good? That annoying guy from Diners Drive-ins and Dives was at a Peruvian restaurant tonight and it looked good. Sort of related - the Peruvian delegation just went by on the Opening Games. The flag guy lives here. I find it kind of fascinating how many people in the less than winter countries have delegations to the winter Olympics because they lived and trained someplace cold. It is also fascinating how many NHL players are able to play for their various countries. I know in the summer games the basketball players are the same way. Somehow it seems unfair a little bit. (thank heavens for auto-save. I almost lost this entire post. That may not be a bad thing. ;) ) How awful this must be for Georgia. They want to be happy and proud and yet there's such sorrow and tragedy for them. (Am I really blogging about the Olympics? What's wrong with me? I don't like the Olympics and never really watch them.)



This use cash only thing is working out pretty good so far. I slipped last week and used my debit card to buy pizza. I took out my $100 today and I'm down to $25ish for the rest of the week. I know... that's bad, right? That's the whole point of this exercise though. To force me to rein this all in. I did buy $45 worth of groceries so that's a big part of it. Spent 10 on a movie and 16ish on dinner. I'll get better at it. If I don't get a new job before the new boss starts I'm going to have to figure out how to live on less.

I did use it also to order tickets for 2 different events. Next weekend I'm going bowling to support the Human Rights Campaign. Big R wanted to go and I'm down with it. In March I'll go to Gay Bingo again. It should be fun. With any luck it'll be one of the last things I do here for fun.

I have received 4 calls on possible jobs in this past week. After months of hearing nothing, I'm really stoked about that. My coworker told me about indeed.com. It is a crawler of some sort so it pulls jobs from all sorts of sites that you may not think of. (If you're interested in the search part put in title:(job title you want) ) Three out of 4 jobs I've gotten calls from I found using indeed. One of those jobs... (KATE in VT pay attention!) is for a large college hospital in New Hampshire. I know New Hampshire isn't on Michelle's list, but I really liked the VT, NH area. (Nelly Furtado is from Canada?) (Also this song's lyrics are rather cheesy aren't they?) I like that I could live a small town life like I think I want to. Plus, New Hampshire doesn't have state income tax. :) We'll see how it all pans out. I may not get any of them. (Actually Murphy's Law says I'll get offered the worst most lowest paying choice that I would only take out of desperation even though I know that's a bad idea). (NO Positivity! I will get offered the best one and it will pay handsomely and I will live happily ever after!)

At the moment it is a good time to be me. (That's subject to change at any moment so I shouldn't get too cocky about it.) :)

Hmm... not what I had in mind.

So this new money thing I'm trying... I took out my $100 on Sunday. I have $15 in my pocket until next Sunday. Now, I did use $35 on my water aerobics class for the next 8 weeks and that's a one time charge. But still... oh and I owe $8 to Lyndsy. I may not make it this week on only $100. :) (But, luckily, I'll be paid for some focus group study on Wednesday so I'll have a random $200. :P )

A New Theory

I'm trying a new thing. I read somewhere that if you are trying to get a handle on your money, you should only pay in cash. So that's what I'm going to do. I am going to take out cash each week and that's what I'm going to use for groceries, eating out, incidentals, etc. Bills, of course, will continue to be paid electronically, but everything else will be cash and carry. Hopefully it will reign in my spending.

Mosiac of Sleep

I had a dream last night that started out kind of weird and then got very weird. I dreamt I was at my parents house visiting. We were all getting ready to go to bed but my mom couldn't go to bed since it was her night to guard the door. Guard the door? Apparently my the front of my parents' house had been burned and since my parents are DIYers they had just built a new wall out of like particle board and then mosiaced tiles all on the front. The problem... they hadn't attached the new wall to the existing structure yet, so it just leaned against the house. So people could come in through the big hole. The hole was kind of covered by the "wall" so the intruders would have to move the wall a little bit to get in. My mom was exhausted so I accepted the job of "guarding the house." Here's where it gets weirder... people were actually coming in. There were groups of teenagers and I would throw them out... sometimes physically. Then an older group and I physically removed them. And then when I poked my head outside to see there were still more groups planning on coming in and they started throwing grapes and other little berried fruit at me. So damn weird.

Giving In (sort of)

I bought some "sleep aids" today. I've been having a horrible time sleeping lately. Weird dreams. Sometimes difficult dreams. Definitely a lot of dreaming. I also wake up a lot. Last night I was up 4 different times and since I couldn't fall asleep until after 11 and just gave up trying to sleep at 5:05 that's a lot of awake time. Now, in truth, I've always had a hard time sleeping. I can almost never sleep late. My sister commented when I was in FL over the holiday break that she's heard me say I don't sleep but she didn't think I was serious. The problem is, though, since I can literally fall asleep on my sofa for 30 - 45 minutes in a matter of seconds, clearly I'm sleep deprived.

As a person who supports drugs as much as I do, it is kind of weird that I've been so hesitant about sleeping pills. I think I'm afraid that I'll have a hard time waking up in the AM and spend the day kind of foggy. I don't have time for that crap. :) +

Getting Desperate

On a cognitive level, I understand that the job market is in the toilet. I understand that in a recession, I'm trying to get a job someplace that isn't here. There are hundreds of people out of work. On a cognitive level I get that. The rest of me, though... starting to really get bogged down by this job search. I've been searching for 10 months. I've gotten (I think) pretty close a couple of times but something failed to seal the deal for me. What it is, who knows? In both cases they were far away jobs and perhaps that was the problem. I'm a bigger risk than a local candidate. I know bossman originally was only looking at local candidates. But even though I KNOW all this... I'm still freaking out. It doesn't help that he actually has some viable candidates this time around. We may actually fill this position. Happy 36th birthday, Joanne, you're getting your big fat negative pay increase. (Pay cut for those of you mathematically challenged).

I'm also scaring myself in that I'm starting to think about places I previously declined. Places like Phoenix. I don't want to live in Phoenix. I HATE Phoenix. BUT there are jobs in Phoenix. Baltimore. There's a job at a University there. I don't think I want to work for colleges anymore but it is a job and Maryland is on the approved list. I may have to look at places that aren't on the Michelle & Joanne list. Places like New Mexico or Vermont or Montana. Or Florida. (Just kidding about Florida. Florida will never be on the approved list.... or will it... Disney World! :) No. Never... flying cockroaches. Repeat ... FLYING COCKROACHES!)

Found 3 more jobs to apply for. I know I should be grateful. I've been applying for jobs fairly steadily since April. (Wait, how should I be grateful for that??!!) At least there've been jobs for me to apply for. I know looking every single day is tormenting me. I can't help it. I'm just so desperate to find a new job.

TV & Exercise and whatnot

I wish How I met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory were on in a single hour instead of HIMYM and BBT being an hour apart. I am meh on Accidentally On Purpose and really don't like 2.5 Men. I dislike the "mooch" kinds of shows. Family A takes Family B in. Family A then spends the next indeterminate number of seasons complaining about how Family B is a mooch. Either let them live with you without complaint of mooch status or throw their asses out.

My niece is perpetuating flu shot myths. This peeves me.

I want a Hershey's bar with almonds. Damn tv commercial.

So here's the question... I can do 35 minutes on the elliptical trainer and feel pretty good but not like overwhelmingly out of breath or anything yet I can't walk up the stairs in freeway park without getting winded. What's that about? I'm moving faster on the elliptical. I'm working out for longer than I am walking up the stairs. I don't get it.

The Quest for the Circle

Subtitled: How Lyday and Joanne completely lost their shit and drove all around Seattle last night.

Once upon a time there were two single gals who decided to spend a spinster filled Saturday night at one of their homes. Their names were Lyday and Joanne and the plan was to make enchiladas for dinner, watch Circle of Friends and make soap. Initially the plan went off without a hitch. Enchiladas were made and consumed and declared awesome. (Of course they were, they were made by Joanne who is a decent cook and not by Lyday who could burn water (but to be fair can bake a cake from scratch which Joanne has no interest in doing).) It came time for the movie. Oh where oh where could that movie be? Lyday swore she owned it. Both searched the apartment valiantly for the movie. It was not there. Lyday is fairly sure that the Wal of the Marts carries said movie for the reasonable price of $5.00. Does the daring duo go to the Wal of the Marts or do they change their viewing choice and watch Ever After?

Well obviously since this is a quest they head for the Wal of the Marts. Now Joanne HATES the Wal of the Marts. But she agrees to go along in the hopes of finding the Circle for the low low price of $5.00. Off they go protected by William Christopher to the kingdom of Renton. Into the Wal of the Marts they brave. And they search. And they search. And they search through every shelf/bin/whatever of DVDs that are there. No Circle. Is this the end of their quest? Do the girls go home and give up??

Of course not! They decide to try Target. Maybe, just maybe Target will have this. I'll save you some of the action. It does not. Nor does Fry's. Nor, according to a phone call, does Best Buy in Tukwila. Oho! Joanne says. I have this movie at home. Let's try my house. Sadly, she is either mistaken or messy because the DVD cannot be found at Joanne's house either. Now (if you're keeping track) they have attempted to find this movie at 4.5 places (phone call counts for half). This has taken over an hour at this point. Do they give up?!

Of course not. Now it has become somewhat of a "THING" for them. You can't just give up on a quest unfulfilled. Obviously somebody somewhere does not want them to watch this movie. For what nefarious reasons could that be? Who knows... but the girls will not be thwarted. Off they go to Blockbuster. It's a video rental place. It will have it, right? RIGHT? The Blockbuster on the Hill of Capitols does not. Sadly and almost defeated the girls ponder their next move. Huzzah! According to the fair maid behind the counter, the DVD can be found in Queen Anne's realm near the burger joint known as Dick's. The maidens stand outside and contemplate... Do they go to Queen Anne's or not?

Of course they do! How could they not? But first, on the way, they attempt one more spot. Half Price Books (which also sells DVDs). Alas and Alack (and not at all shocking) they don't have it either. Fearful that their little detour to Half Price Books has caused some other evil-doer to grab the Circle off the shelf they rush over to Queen Anne's kingdom. There it is! On the shelf! For a mere $1.49 it was theirs all theirs for the night. Or for an additional $4.49 it could be theirs forever.

The happy gals travelled home after getting some fries and milkshakes from Dick's. There they watched Circle of Friends and it was as awesome as it always is.

The End.

I've joined REAL people...

Guess what I just did... you'll never guess... I just ordered pizza. To be delivered. Pizza. Delivered to MY apartment! This is the most exciting thing ever! Since I've been Gluten Free I've not had pizza delivered to my house. Pizza. Delivery. I'm so excited!!!

Question of today:

Does being a friend mean you support your friend's choices even though they are making choices that may not be what you consider to be in their best interest or the best choices they could make?

I'm not saying lying down and just accepting those choices. I don't mean just passively accepting what they do without ever talking with them about it. I think I mean they make a choice... you may say your piece... they have disagreed. Should you continue to support them even though they've continued down that path? I'm mostly referring to choices that don't really impact you. I do recognize that there can come a point in a friendship where what they are doing is too self-distructive to continue supporting that behavior and it becomes too hard for you to be with them and watch them destory their lives. Believe me I know that.

We briefly discussed this at dinner yesterday and I was roundly shot down. I think if a person is your friend, you should support their decisions. You can disagree with them, but really being a friend means (to me) putting your feelings aside and supporting your friend as best you can.

Snipping the threads

One of the things the psychic told me is that I haven't really begun pulling back and preparing for moving and whatnot. That is totally correct. It isn't really in my nature to believe something until it is actually happening. I don't believe I'm on vacation until I'm in the airport at my destination. (You never know, the plane could crash). I looked around my apartment last night and realized if I were offered a job tomorrow (obviously that won't happen but if) I wouldn't be anywhere near ready to move in 30 days. Even with Stephen and Lyday and PM coming from California to help basically full time I wouldn't be ready to move in 30 days. I'm going to have to adopt PM's resolution of getting rid of 10 things every day. I will adapt it slightly, though, to getting rid of or packing up 10 things every day. And perhaps this weekend I should spend time down in my storage unit figuring it out. This way I have a place to put the boxes as I pack them away. (On that note, perhaps this weekend I should pick up a flexcar and drop off some boxes to charity since there's a ton of that to go too.)

A Number of Little Things

Carbonite: Carbonite FINALLY finished backing up Sampson. I transferred the account to Bianca today and now she is receiving a dump of everything that was on Sampson... my music, photos, documents etc. It is so much easier than it was when I went from Jakob to Sampson. (Hmm unrelated to anything, Bianca might be the first female thing I've owned. Wait, I forgot. My Mac (which is still in the basement and is 15 years old) was named Zelma after my first landlord in Alaska.) Then I had to load things onto my MP3 player and transfer the files that way. With Carbonite I don't have to do anything. It will include everything. Michelle was the one who suggested it to me, and I think it is totally worth the money. (I could be wrong).

Back to work: I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. It has been nice to be off the week +. Luckily job hunting will be back on track.

Sampson: I know it is irrational but I do feel a tiny bit sad about replacing Sampson. I do recognize it is irrational. Perhaps it is bad for me to name things. ;)

Let's Hope She's Right

Lyday had a brilliant idea to go see a psychic. I'm game for that kind of stuff so I went too. It was interesting. She had me pegged right off the bat and I don't think I had said anything. I'm sarcastic but that's mostly to cover up blah blah blah. I am fiercely independent and that's important to me. The bottom line is she was mostly right about my personality. I take on too much from other people but don't take care of my own needs. I think that's fairly accurate. I am also not good with boundries.

So on the job front, she thinks I'll find something in 3 - 4 but didn't know if that was weeks, months or a specific date. She said I'll have an interview where I'll just know it is the right position. He'll have the same dry sense of humour I have and I'll know it because someone will interrupt the interview and he'll comment in such a way it would be similar to my point of view. I hope she's right. It would be nice if it all worked out in 3 -4 months. :)