Brownie struggle

So here's a confession only for the 3 or so of you that read this on any sort of basis... I was a BAD elementary school teacher. At least one of you is now thinking, she was a teacher? :) Yes. I taught 6th grade for 1 year when I lived in AZ. And it was hard and I cried a lot. It wasn't that I didn't have fun ideas but I couldn't discipline the classroom. Some of the kids were out of control and that makes it no fun for anyone. My brownie meetings are becoming a lot like that. I have 2 kids that make me crazy. I can't convince them to shut the fuck up. As opposed to the classroom, Brownie meetings are supposed to be more relaxed, more fun. The problem is the balance between fun and making Joanne crazy. I'm too nice. I have a hard time saying 'no' (which given that you'd think I'd be much more slutty). Last year they were a little 'spirited' and it wasn't as big a deal. We were in a classroom not in the echoy breakroom at my office. And we didn't have the new Brownie grandma I have now. Her granddaughter is 6. Last week Brownie grandma yelled at the girls about respect and gave me a talking to about being stricter. I like this little girl. I'm glad we've got a new girl. She copies the older girls and is a little more 'spirited' than she should be. I want her to have fun. Her grandmother marched her back in at the end of the meeting with her crying and forced her to apologize for her behavior. This makes me sad. I don't want her to not want to come to Brownies because it isn't fun. I feel like it is my fault because she sees the other girls and gets all riled up by them. She was so cute before the meeting... she gave me a stick of gum in secret because she didn't want the other girls to konw. Luckily I have 2 weeks off (next week parent/teacher conferences and the following week holiday). We are going to have to get back to basics in December. These are the Girl Scout Laws. These are the rules we adhere to. And if necessary these are the consequences if you choose to not follow them. Yuck.

Personality Quirk

You know how there's those little personality quirks that you would totally get rid of if you could? I'm sitting here obsessing about something that I can't fix right now. That I'm pretty sure I'm right about and that I'll deal with in the morning. I HATE it when I obsess about something like this. I get this email all smackdowny from my boss (I swear shit ONLY happens when she is in the office...) about 2 people I missed the waive 1 year wait for our 10% contribution requirement. One, ok I'll cop to it. The other. I checked! Not only did I check but I even asked the wife and she said no. So there's something on my desk about this guy, I have no idea what it is yet I can't get it out of my head. I hate it when I obsess like this. And since I'm so pissy with myself for obsessing than I really can't get it out of my head.

AND in other annoying news... I have to go to QFC right now because my kitchen sink is FULL of water and not draining and hasn't moved for at least an hour. I hate my sink. I wish I had a disposall. It is probably totally my fault the sink doesn't drain.

Wandering downtown

Today after all of my other frustrations, I decided to go downtown and check out this rock & twig store that advertised a Gluten Free section. Let me tell you, 3 varieties of Pamela's Gluten Free cookies does not a Gluten Free section make. And thanks asshats for putting them with the low carb crap as if my diet falls into the fad diet catagory.

I caught the bus to Broadway to check out the newly redone QFC (formerly my favorite store Fred Meyer) because hypothetically the rock & twig section stayed the same as when it was Fred Meyer. I must give off a serious don't fuck with me vibe because the bus was fairly full and yet the new people getting on the bus never sat with me. They'd take the seat next to the crazy smelly guy before sitting next to me. More power to them and I get an entire bus seat all to myself. :) I have found a new breed of random stopper. The get off the bus and stop person forcing me to ram into them as I get off the bus. Yes you are now on firm ground, yes there are stores in front of you, now get the fuck out of my way.

The rock & twig section of Fred Meyer did NOT stay the same so no new crackers for me and I was forced (FORCED I say) to make chocolate chip muffins. :)

I'm very excited (and this is a somewhat sad thing to be excited about) that I have a conference to attend on Monday and Tuesday. I will be learning all about the exciting world of Medicare and Medigap coverage. It will help me help our employees so that's a good thing. PLUS we have Thursday off because of Veteran's Day so I have all of 2 days at work next week. AND my boss is coming in on Monday instead of Friday so I have 0 days with my boss at work.

Finally, if you are at the mall with your small children. Pay fucking attention to them! The mall was somewhat crowded (nowhere near what it will become) yesterday and there's this woman pushing a stroller full of packages calling out "Megan" or whatever little kid's name was. If she is small enough to still ride in a stroller, you should probably pay better attention to her. Maybe leash her or you know, make her ride in the stroller.

Final thought, when did Sarafina come back into style as a name? I've heard it twice in the last month or so. I like it and actually thought about using it if through some freak chance I ever had a kid. BUT it seems the baby names I like have a tendency to come into vogue. Emma, I loved the name Emma, but now thanks to Friends I can't have it because I won't be THAT mom. :)

Frustrating morning!

So this morning I had a brilliant idea that I was going to go to a health food store on Bainbridge Island and then to this GF restaurant in Edmonds. So this is major fieldtripping. Luckily I went to the health food store's website to cconfirm that they carry any Kinnikinnick foods. Kinnikinnick's website theorizes that they do. They currently don't. :( So I ordered a bunch of stuff online and 1 part of my field trip is now cancelled. I figured I'd still go to Kaili's Kitchen and have lunch and maybe pick up a few goodies. Sigh. Flexcar's reservation system is down. They can't accept new reservations and what not... So no trip to Edmonds for me either. I will field trip to the new QFC up on Broadway to see if their rock & twig section survived the overhaul. When it was Fred Meyers I was able to get my crackers there, and I'm out of crackers. :( MY QFC does not apparently carry the crackers, despite my asking them to.

I have a headache.

Shop til I drop

And boy did I! Today I hopped the 41 to Northgate Mall to shop like I haven't shopped in months (since spring when I used the other half of my gift card). There were sales going on at the Bon Macy's, Nordstroms, JC Penney, Lane. It was a good day. I ended up buying 2 pairs of jeans, 2 new bras (one is one of those push up types... who knew girls with big tits needed push up, but it definitely makes a difference...), 1 pair work pants, 7 pairs of socks (2 are some incredibly soft material that are so warm and fuzzy and cozy that I may never take them off...), and 4 tops. It was all good shopping I say! I also bought a ticket to The Lion King in January. The other very exciting thing at the mall was the cast of Veronica Mars. I could've stood in line and got their autographs, however the line went past something like 6 shop fronts and out the door, so I decided I wasn't THAT excited to get their autographs. But in the very exciting news front, I am officially down a pants size, and my new jeans and workpants reflect that! :) Most alarming thing I saw today... headlights, on a mannequin at JC Penney. Disturbing enough to see nips on a dummy, BUT the dummies don't even have heads or arms or legs so it is just torso with nips. Very disturbing. I think I should sue. I'm determined to live in the style to which I would like to be come accostomed without actually having to work at a different or second job.

Student Worker

Our student worker cracks my shit up. He is so positive he is right about his views, like he doesn't really see the other side. (I mean I think my views are right, but at least I can see other points of view.) He's been up in my office a lot lately doing filing and we have these random talks about weird crap. Today for some reason he asked if I would change my last name when I get married. I told him it depended on the last name. He seemed to have a problem with that, but ultimately a girl should take her husband's was his point. I told him that if the guy's name is something like Dickshitz, I ain't taking it. I tried to move the convo to something a little less weird so I asked him if he was going home for Thanksgiving. Somehow we ended up talking about me & my family and he has a hard time with the phrase "You know, that isn't really something you need to know about." as he tried to convince me that I should get along better with my mother. Finally, he was telling me about these 2 girls the he has hmmm... the word isn't dated, more like screwed but he definitely did not say that. He's fairly cautious about saying stuff like that. He cracks my doodie up because when he is trying not to talk about stuff like that he won't say it but makes all these gestures so that we can figure it out. Ruth, my coworker, says I should really make his head explode and tell him I'm not having any children. Apparently, I'm the only one who gets these wacky stories.

Gah! My mother...

There's a reason I never tell my parents anything or ask them for advice. Mostly because they always go overboard. That and they treat me like I'm a moron when really, I'm not. Well, and then there's the fact that they don't listen and on the rare aoccassions they do, the situation is somehow my fault. Two examples. I was once crying... CRYING on the phone ot my mother about a horrible job situation. In the middle of my telling her about it, she said "Did I tell you about the new Noah's Ark windchime I bought?" That was pretty much it. After that I didn't bother. Huh... I just found a previous post where I griped about her...

So against my better judgement and because she used to be a realtor, I asked her opinion on a coop I was looking at. And by looking at I mean I saw an ad that seemed kind of interested and I was trying to decide if I even wanted to call the guy. This was 2 weeks ago. Since then she has been obsessing about me purchasing property, and not in a good way. First she keeps sending me links to properties. And then there was today's IM...

1karrol says:
My subconscious has been working on the question of your interest in a condo/coop/??? I'm just going to type straightaway. These are things that came to mind. How do you pay for major changes (i.e. new roof)? How old are your heating and airconditioning units. Is each owner responsible for his/hers/its? When was the building inspected last? What were the findings? Can I speak to a tenant who is not related to you? You need to know what the physical plant is like and how it is kept up. You don't want to find you have a maintenance bill of $8,000 this month. How are the elevators maintained. When were they rebuilt (unless you're on the ground or second floor. Then you don't really care. See what I mean? We're talking about your house here. Termite inspections? Bug infestations?

Jesus fucking christ. What am I 9? Yeah I've never purchased a home before, but it isn't like I'm going to buy a new place to live the same way I buy a new pair of shoes. Or a pack of bubble gum at the store. I am fairly sure she didn't put my little sister through all this and she bought a foreclosure house for fuck's sake! Christ, this is why I don't ask her things...

From the mouths of babes...

Last night one of my brownies came in and announced she was moving to Canada. I looked to her mother who said, "No, we're not." Apparently like much of the rest of the Kerry loving world, she has decided Canada is a better option than 4 more years of Bush. My only real thought on this, is it wrong that I was briefly happy? She is my least favorite, most noisy, most disruptive, most PITA brownie. I thought I might have a little freedom. Not so much apparently. She was creating such a rukus that another mother actually yelled at them tonight and said to me, "I'm an old fashioned black mama" then gave me a little lecture about how I shouldn't have to ask them multiple times to do something, they should just do it and I'm too nice. Sigh.

Letter to the editor update

So you may or may not have read my letter to the editor post but I now have been contacted by Glamour magazine and they may put my letter in the magazine. I am wrongly excited by this. :) It may not happen, so I shouldn't get TOO excited, but I am a little bit even though it is for a totally dumb reason.

Voting

So this morning I went and cast my ballot. I won't bore you with who I voted for or even a rant about why you should vote, but I will share an interesting discussion I had with my dad this morning. He asked me if I voted and I asked him and he had said he had done so a couple of weeks ago, absentee ballot. (on a side note, I don't understand why people vote absentee. I get it if you are not going to be there, but it isn't like he isn't at home this morning and since he is retired, it isn't like he has a whole lot on his agenda). Anyway, back to my point. My father is a Republican. He's been a Republican forever. I am his "Commie pinko bedwetting daughter" voting for the liberal daughter. He's also nearing 70. I can remember being a child and the Regan/Mondale election coming up and discussing it with my best friend of the time and being positive I would be a Republican too when I grew up. Although I can remember being kind of excited about Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate, because I thought it would be good to get a woman in the office. (Ahh even back then liberal leanings). Back to my father, he voted Republican, of course. But it was his comment about voting this year that caught me. He doesn't agree with Bush on stem-cell and abortion. He also said that it was hard to get really excited about any of the 4 candidates (AZ) and it was the first time that's ever happened to him. The man's been voting for about 50 years and yet this is the first time he has ever questioned his choices, and wasn't 100% behind his party's candidate. Wow. That boggles the mind.

Moral Turpitude, part two

Well, his moral turpitude extends beyond brotherly threesomes and campus sexcapades to include cheating on a spouse. Witness our recent (as in still going on) IM conversation.

Michelle says:
did you ever cheat on anyone?
Cheater says:
depends, kinda a gray area
Michelle says:
why gray?
Cheater says:
yes I have
Michelle says:
did anyone ever cheat on you?
Cheater says:
um I thing so
Cheater says:
why?
Michelle says:
watching an oprah about cheaters
Michelle says:
and this one woman is staying with her husband who cheated
Michelle says:
and i have a friend who stayed with her husband after he cheated
Michelle says:
if i ever found out bryan cheated i would let him know with the divorce papers
Cheater says:
I think that in many cases it is still a fairly good idea to stay with your husband or wife after a cheaing episode
Michelle says:
hell no
Michelle says:
why would i want to be with anyone who would do that to another person?
Cheater says:
The way I see it is that a marriage is a commitment of life togather because it is important to both persons. Just because one of em got some on the side would not necessarily denote grounds to end a life long commitment that was so important to both people
Cheater says:
I mean really what actuall harm is done
Cheater says:
Its not like your husbands prick has not ever been in another woman
Michelle says:
well, it is a commitment like a contract. bound by certain terms which are agreed to by b oth parties
Michelle says:
if one party breaches the contract by violating one of the terms, forget it
Cheater says:
the act itself is not really anything new, just the date after which it took place
Michelle says:
so then i am thinking you should probably stay single
Michelle says:
or find someone who agrees with your terms
Michelle says:
i do not
Cheater says:
well, I am just saying that if you are married to the right person I dont think that a single act of indescretion is worth ending this holy sacred alliance between two people if it is really that great of a union which it should be if you get married then an accidental slip up should not be enough to end such a union
Michelle says:
my argument is that if you are married to the right person, there are no accidental slip ups
Michelle says:
if it is that great, there is no reason for it
Cheater says:
we are only human, and humans make mistakes period.
Michelle says:
a mistake is buying crunchy instead of plain peanut butter, not slipping your dick into some woman who isn't your wife
Cheater says:
the woman I cheated on was one I never thought I would. I was really into her...but one night I got really drunk and blacked, I came too because of a pain to my neck which was this woman on top of me given me a hicky while my shlong was in her.
Cheater says:
I had been an active participant but not really consciously aware of it until the pain
Cheater says:
slipping your dick into another woman phsically hurts no one, I would think a single act of violance would be grounds for ending a marriage.
Cheater says:
and emotionally hurts no one if she dont ever find out
Michelle says:
but is that really the kind of person you want to be?
Cheater says:
what kind?
Michelle says:
the kind who doesn't care about another person's feelings... a person who you would presumably care enough about to marry or otherwise commit to?
Cheater says:
Um no, this was not my description of someone I was aspiring to be, just pointing out facts
Michelle says:
well, you seem to agree with that reasoning
Cheater says:
I just think that the holy vow of marriage should withstand a single act of indescretion that phyically hurts no one
Cheater says:
God forgives and probably expects us to forgive people too.
Now someone who is a cheater as oppoosed to an accidental shaggin should lose his or her significant other
Michelle says:
well, i think anyone who would break such an important promise is capable of more than one "indiscretion" and i am not going to stick around for an encore
Cheater says:
to each her own
Michelle says:
ya, no agreeing on this one
Cheater says:
nope

Dear Workcrush

Those blond highlights really aren't working for you. Consider letting them grow out and not putting them back in.

Thanks,
Your everloving stalker

Moral Turpitude

It seems I'm on a weird sex story theme lately so I've got another one for y'all. Also involving a person I know from Alaska.

Now, previously I have ranted about this gentleman because we get into these long stupidass moral discussions. Sometimes I have enough clarity of mind to stop it before the discussion starts. Recently he told me he is buying his 6 year old daughter a bb gun. He knows how I feel about guns. I am against them, I am against them in the home and I could go on but I won't. (Nor do I really give a rat's ass if you, dear reader, is all about the right to bear arms). So all I said was that's nice. He asked if I had any opinions and I said something about questioning the thought of giving a gun to a 6 year old but whatever it was his choice. He pushed again and I replied something to the effect that he knows my views and he is just looking to argue with me and I'm moving along and changing the subject. Last night, however, drunkenness outweighed good thought and I got into another one with him. This time we were discussing dating students. He was giving me shit because I only go to gay bars and work at a religious institution how will I ever find Mr. Right. I rightly pointed out that the bulk of the folks here at my religious institution are off limits because they are students and that is more than "frowned upon" (tm Ross from Friends) I'd be fired. He tried to point out that they don't have such rules at UAF, which after a moment on the UAF site, I discovered that indeed they do. So we were having some assanine discussion about this and to some degree sexual harassment. He has made some comments to me in the past recanting stories about stuff he has said to coworkers that go beyond walking the sexual harassment line. I'm kind of surprised sometimes he still has his job. Anyway, part way through the discussion I had this thought (alarming sex story coming up)... He had a threesome with his brother. (He told me about it some time ago) I am listening to a morals discussion from a guy who had a threesome with his BROTHER? He told me that there was NO guy on guy action (which since he is from like Iowa isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility), but he was fascinated to see them both using some of the same moves. It boggles the mind with the freaky deakyness of this.

Edited because I fixed the typo so now there is NO guy on guy action...

Damn Lesbians

Always hitting on me. I didn't know I gave off the 'I love pussy' vibe. Apparently I do. Another lesbian all rubbing up against me and dancing with me.

Also, if you are going to a bar (that you can assume will be crowded because it is a Halloween Party), don't wear a costume with big protruding parts. You just get in the way and it is annoying.

Nightmares!

Ok, whomever said that you shouldn't eat before going to bed was obviously brilliant! I didn't get home last night until after 7. I didn't eat dinner until around 8. I went to bed at 9. I woke up at somewhere around 3 after having had 2 terrible nightmares. The 1st one I can't remember. The 2nd was a crying dream. I'm having them a lot lately and I don't like that. I don't remember too much about the dream except I think I was younger than I am now. I was still living with my parents and I had all these boxes in my room. My mom was doing some clean sweep type show, but hosted by this scary skater looking guy. But they didn't ask me if I wanted to participate so every time I went into my bedroom a new box of stuff was missing. I kept yelling at him that they were stealing my memories and they couldn't do that. So I would leave and come back and another would be gone. I was cyring and begging them to tell me where they hid all my memories. He said he would give them back to me but I had to do something, and I can't remember now what it was I had to do. And then I woke up, eyes wet. Sucked. The 3rd one happened just before I woke up this morning. A large group of us were going somewhere on the monorail. It was like I was still in college, and I had a boyfriend but it was a 'secret' boyfriend. (That's never good. :) We had to take this suspension bridge to get onto the monorail, but it was like the kinds at amusement parks, realy squishy. So this whole huge group of us gets on the monorail to go somewhere. Then we have to get off and get back on again. While I'm trying to get back on, the monorail starts going (and at this point it is still monorail shaped but we are on the ground). So I'm hanging off it while it goes fast and I can't get the door open and trying not to fall off. I'm waiving my arm at the monorail driver and he is not stopping and finally I get the door opened but not before I see this truck drive through the back part of the monorail severing the back cars from the front cars (yet somehow the truck is able to still go) and it mowed one of the members of our group down on its way through. Then I got pulled inside the car I was trying to get into and the driver just kept on going like nothing happened. So then I was somehow in a different car. Then we were stopped and all standing around outside and my 'secret' boyfriend announced that he was a 33 year old senior. And there was something about how we were riding in the boys' car. These were the fanciest monorail cars ever because they were for touring so they had chairs that converted into comfy beds and cupboards for our clothes. I remember in the dream I went through the cupboards and there was some of those conversation hearts. And I was talking to the girls and the dead girl was Tammy.

Completely unrelated, but I'm watching this music video that is a huge group of famous musicians singing about voting (kinda like Live Aid) and this one singer has been up a couple of times and it just dawned on me that it is Eddie Vedder. He looks SO different. He looks a little like Adam Rove from Joan of Arcadia if Adam had a beard.

Finally I got complimented multiple times on my poodle skirt yesterday. The one I made with my own two hands. I'm so pleased. :)

Fucking hate CUJO!

The dog who lives across the hall. At 1 fucking 30 this morning s/he (I don't actually know anything about cujo across the hall. I've never seen it.) started barking. At some time after 2:30, Cujo started barking again. At 4:15 the people in the apartment building next to mine were standing on the balcony chatting. Loudly. While smoking. Some smoke blowing into my somewhat open window. I hate them too. I'm too light a sleeper to be a city dweller. I've gotten completely used to the sirens and cars. Now it is dogs and people. Sigh.

I had a good time volunteering at the Pacific Science Center. They had us rotating from the different centers so that was fun. We weren't stuck at any one station the whole time. I've thought about becoming one of their regular volunteers, but they want a 4 hr commitment once a week. That's always kind of held me back because that means either my Saturday or Sunday. I'm thinking about it again, but will probably ultimately decide against it.

Darigold milk scares me. It has like a month long expiration window. If I were to go in and buy a carton, it would probably have a December date on it. The quart I have in the fridge now is good until 10/31. I know I haven't bought milk in like a month, but it is still good. How is that possible? I still buy it, because hell, I have a month to use it. I never use a pint of milk in a month.

Damn IRS

Holy random money batman! I knew I would have more tax taken out, but $1,100??!! Normally I pay about $300 in taxes. I could almost cry. I know I'll get it back in the spring as a refund, but it was QUITE the shock. I asked my payroll person and apparently I was bumped into the next tax bracket. Damn. Oh I get it now. Hypothetically twice my salary (is what the computer thinks) would put me into this great much higher bracket than I normally reside in. Sucks. Amex and Mastercard got much less than initially earmarked. I'll have to make it up in the spring when I get big tax refund. Luckily only 1 W-2 this year so hopefully I can file early.

Giggling Gaggle o' Girls

Also known as Brownies. We had the funniest meeting tonight. We started out talking about plants. Moved on to our take home science experiment. Nothing is more fun than telling a group of little girls that they are going to grow mold! :) This is a testament to the 'cityness' of my girls. I got a chorus of EEEWWW!!! So we set up our experiment. We took 2 pieces of bread and wrapped both in tinfoil, but with one we put a moist papertowel. Next week we shall see what grows. I'm not 100% positive the moms are too happy with the project either. :) Finally for our citizenship badge we talked about voting. It is such a testament to the power of campaign ads the way these kids can recite pieces of them. They are all supporting Kerry. I tried to encourage them to not say, but...8 year olds are hard to shut up. They remember so much about the ads, it was frightening. One of mine even knew Prop I892 (which in my drunken stupor I couldn't identify the correct number) and told me that I should vote against it because kids will be late to school because they are watching the gambling machines. (Totally a scene from the commercial). They were like little parrots of what they had heard from I can only really assume, their parents. "We need to get Bush out of office, he isn't taking care of the people." Cracked my shit up. They even knew the "I'm John Kerry and I approve this ad." I think the parents may have also been a bit surprised by both how animated the kids were about voting and how much they retained from the ads. I look at this and am fascinated. And a little sad. I realize these are kids, but there are so many adults out there who get influenced by these ads too and that makes me sad. Next week I'm hoping to get the point across that many of these ads are finger pointing and manipulative. I also spoke with one of our public safety officers. Young, African American woman who is new to the U. I asked if she would be willing to talk to the kids about safety some evening. She was touched. :) And I like that I can have an African American guest speaker since 6/7ths of my troop is African American.

Panic Attack!

People make me tired. Oh so tired. In the past couple of weeks I've gotten so many of those stupidass panic emails from friends, that it is just sad. While I realize that the US government doesn't necessarily make all the best decisions 100% of the time, it is run by people. And at least a handful of those people have a conscience. (Maybe a handful and a half...) So seriously, do people REALLY believe that there is a man putting his HIV infected blood into the ketchup? That they put asbestos in tampons so that we bleed more and thusly use more. The list goes on and on of all these horrible things that people and/or businesses allegedly do. I heard the tampon one years ago, and actually sent the person who sent me that one (a coworker at the time) the snopes link refuting it. She replied that "The government lies to us. Why should they be honest?" Um, hello? because we live in a such a litigous society that a person can sue becuase they burn themselves on hot coffee, because they ate too much fast food and sat on their asses too much so now they're fat and unhealthy, because their kid didn't get on the sports team the parent believed they should've. We have the most ludacris warning labels on EVERYTHING. My hairdryer actually has an instruction that says "Do not use while sleeping." How could I use it while sleeping?! Or if it to be more like do not use on a sleeping person... who would do this?? Why? And if they did, then the person deserves what he/she gets for being a moron. In the tampon one, the lawsuit payout would be in the billions. Seriously, would Tampax risk that to sell a few extra per month? The ketchup HIV one I just received today. I emailed the link and she replied something like "Well I thought it might be fake but I figured I'd forward it on just in case." Just in case of what? Wouldn't one think any number of major news outlets would've picked up this story if it were true? So she is really just continuing to perpetuate the myth. Give me a fucking break! When will people learn to think?

Scary Halloween Story...

So I'm sitting here at my desk eating my lunch when suddenly, out of nowhere a random memory from Alaska surfaces in my brain. This is a tale... about a boy and his dick shark. (You know if you say that enough in your head it is kind of funny... try it you'll agree). Michelle, V (my alluring gay boy), Matty P, Kate in Vermont and I all went to the same college in Alaska. Fairbanks Alaska. I promise you, Fairbanks is where the weirdos live. Kate, I'm pretty sure, has countless tales about the wacos she met, because somehow they found a kindred spirit in her. Like the woman who thought she was still married and could move into married student housing because "They haven't found the body yet." But that's another story for another time. The person I'm thinking of was Travis (I think). Travis was a geek or nerd or maybe a mixture of both. He made Screech and Urkel look hot. Luckily, for the female population at least, Travis was also gay. Although V frequently exclaimed that they were going to revoke his membership. Travis had a keychain/coin purse in the shape of a longish shark with a mouth that zippered open to hold coins. His dick shark. Now whether or not he actually shall we say used his keyring for anything other than keys and pocket change, I have never wanted to know. Luckily this was before my current level of fruitflyness so he never overshared that little detail. Why did this memory suddenly appear in my head. Damn I wish I knew. Hell, I wish I knew what part of the brain that little tid bit was stored in so I could gouge it out. I have a pen I could do that.