With this stupid running thing I hit a big ass wall. A big ass 'It's freaking cold and I don't want to do this anymore and I hate this and this is stupid and why am I doing this again' wall. I haven't successfully done a long run since before Thanksgiving. It got crazy cold then it was Thanksgiving and then Icepocalypse and then... then I just didn't want to. Two weekends ago I got up, got dressed and drove out to the place I've gone on the super long runs before and just couldn't force myself to do it. I think I might have done 2 miles and then I just couldn't. I cried. I stood out in the cold and cried about how I didn't want to do this anymore and it is stupid and it was stupid I was crying and then I went home defeated. This week has not proven to be hugely better in the running department because the holidays are screwing with my gym schedule. I tried to run in the little exercise room here at the apartment and the treadmill scared me. The belt didn't seem it was on right. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it. Christmas Eve I did go and do 2 miles and it felt okay and I didn't hate it and I felt glad I went. Tomorrow I'm going to go for my 13 miles but I think I'm going to stick close to home and just do my 2 mile distance 6.5 times. We'll see how that goes.
I'm still struggling with putting too much pressure on myself over this. I think it psychs me out. I get in my head and then I over think the whole thing. Plus I just don't like to do hard things. I said that to my trainer recently. I don't like it... it's hard. (hee. that's what she said!) (Oh wait, that IS what she said!) (Wait, what am I saying about myself?) (ok I'll shut up about that now).
I've been meaning to sign up for a few more races to get the practice in. There's a 1/2 marathon here in Irving three weeks before my Disney one. I think I may sign up for that. It has the same time requirement that mine does and it will help me, I think, get an idea of how it will be for the real thing. Then there's a funny zombie one that if I can finish in under 35 minutes (I will not I already know) my medal will say "I survived the Zombies" and if not it says "I got eaten by Zombies." That's funny to me.
I did hear one thing that is reassuaring, there are 'balloon ladies' on the course for my Disney 1/2. They are the very end. If I fall behind them - bam golf cart of shame. If I can keep ahead of them I'm good. I like that because I like the visual of where I need to be. I've been really nervous that I would just be going along and have no idea and BAM, golf cart of shame. But that won't happen. I'll have an idea of where I stand. So that makes me feel better. (Unless my sister is wrong and then I will kill her.) :P
