Friday, July 30, 2004
I took a nap before the woman delivering the tapes visited. You, dear readers, may or not know that I take a nap almost every afternoon after work. I think because I go to bed so late and get up so early I need this nap time. I want to get out of the habit but I just fall asleep on the sofa, so I've started giving into the temptation.
Finally, MattyP and I are going to the arboretum this weekend. I'm pretty stoked because it is supposed to be beautiful there and the hydrangea are in bloom.
One of my favorite things about hanging out with gay boys is watching their body language. Men, in general, aren't subtle... put two of them together ha! all pretense flies out the window. They are constantly doing the one over to each other, without any trace of hmmm... I don't know what word I want here but... without any trace of subtlety. Just the blatant head nod. And usual eye stop... right there. At least str8 men can pretend they are kind of looking at your face when they're really glued to the cleavage... but gay boys... can't hide it, they're looking at the package. It just amuses me.
inevitability... I was hanging out tonight waiting for the phone to ring... I am volunteering to transcribe some cassettes for a documentary. The script supervisor was supposed to call this afternoon. I sat and waited until 7:30, then I left to go out. Of course... apparently, the phone rang at 7:36. inevitable.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
My boss stopped in today for a visit. She REALLY doesn't want to return to work. She said it like 3 times in conversation and mentioned that she would like to be laid off or fired. sigh. When will she just accept her destiny. STAY AT HOME! 6 more weeks until she returns. Six more weeks for her to figure this out... Keep fingers crossed!
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
My new two least favorite questions... So have you heard from (yourboss)? um no... So when is she coming back? (In my mind I always think, NEVA if my offerings to the gods are accepted... first born child, check they can have it... I can be celibate if that's the price... )
Random other peeve... blogger spell check (which does not recognize blog or blogging) also does not recognize polyurethane.
Monday, July 26, 2004
So I think I'm down a pant size now. I tried on 3 skirts in my official size and all were too big. But I put on my regular jeans and one pair is just right the others are too big. Hmmm... One of my biggest problems with buying 'plus' sized clothes is that they are designed for someone with hips. I have none, not being built like that. So one of the skirts I tried on had this weird jutting out where presumably a fatchicks hips would go, but on me it just looked weird. HOWEVER even if I am down a pant size, I looked in the mirror at Ross Dress For Less... it doesn't look like there is any change, or if there is yikes.. :(
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Saturday, July 24, 2004
I went out tanning today. I spent a whopping 20 minutes outside. I can only do that much for several reasons. 1 - since I am the whitest white that ever did white, I will burn if I try to tan much longer than that... I'm now not snowball white but snowball with a few pale brown specks white... (since I only freckle). 2 - I get overheated. One of the hardest things about me living in Arizona was that I would get overheated at the drop of a hat. I spent many a summer day sun sick after spending the previous day doing something fun in the sun. & 3 - I get bored. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.
Volunteering news - I am volunteering tomorrow night for a firefighter gala. I will be doing coat check for an auction and fancyass dinner. Dinner of the $150/plate variety. I'm kind of excited because well, yum firefighters. :) It supports their charity and is in conjunction with a big golf game that is happening tomorrow. Hypothetically there may be some minor celebrities there. (Does Trista Rehn and hubby whatever his name is count as a minor celebrity?) Richard Karn (formerly of Home Improvement & presently Family Feud) will be there as it is his golf tournament.
Finally, I have convinced Vlad to volunteer with me. We will be doing the Seattle Paint Out in August. This is where we go and clean up graffitti in our neighborhoods. Recently while V & I were out walking, we were discussing volunteering and he said that he would help with a project if it got rid of the graffitti. I reminded him yesterday of this discussion. He thinks I tricked him, but he is going. I am slightly shocked. The Paint Out gets a ton of support from area businesses so we will get lunch from a local place and on Sunday, there is a banquet/celebration where it is catered by a restaurant and a bunch of door prizes are given out. It will be fun I think.
Friday, July 23, 2004
My friend Janel had died. I was living with Michelle in a dorm (although not any at UAF I don't know where we were) and it was time to move out of the dorm for the year so we were supposed to be packing. All I could think about in the dream was Janel and her two sons and her husband (which given that the boys didn't come along until well after college is a bit weird.. as though the dream wasn't weird...). I was so distraught and crying the whole dream. At one point I went to the student counseling center but they couldn't help me and only offered me a plate of bacon. For the first time in a long time my alarm clock actually woke me up (usually I wake up before the alarm and just let the alarm warn me about when to get out of bed.). I got up to go to the gym, but was so distraught I couldn't bear to go so I went back to bed and slept fitfully for another hour and a half. So... dreammoods.com tells me:
Moving: To dream that you are moving away, signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship and your are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence.
Death: To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life.
Dorm: To dream that you are in a dormitory, represents the value you place on knowledge and education. You believe that you are always learning and not just in the classroom. If you are currently a college student who live in a dormitory, then this symbol may just be a reflection of your current surroundings and hold similar meaning as a house.
Bacon: To see bacon in your dream, symbolizes essentials, staples, and life's supply. It may also be a play on the common phase "being home the bacon" to refer earning a living.
Crying: To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.
To wake up crying, suggest the grieving of your soul and that you need to change your ways. (apparently I did not change my ways from the last time I had the crying dreams)
To dream that no one hears or responds to your cries, represents your helplessness and difficulties and frustrations in trying to communicate with others. You feel that your words are falling on deaf ears. Perhaps your dream is telling you to be more vocal and work harder to get your point across.
Michelle, Care to take a stab at this?
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Monday, July 19, 2004
1 - Sometimes I wish upon stars or my pennies in the fountains. There's so much I don't believe in (god, guns, blah blah blah which reminds me of another random thought that I'll share in a moment). I find it slightly odd that I so want to believe in wishing on stars. Too much Disney (my house of worship) I'm sure.
2 - According to the Michigan militia, I am a hmmm... I wish I could remember the word... it was like dereliction of duties (that may have actually been a phrase) because I do not own a gun. How can I protect my family? This I learned from my good friend Michael Moore & my new favorite movie Bowling for Columbine (ok probably not my favorite). The reason we call cops, according to this militia, when there are intruders, is because they have guns. I really liked how they were doing these interviews so that they would seem less crazy... not so much.
3 - I put on my capri pants (that are relatively new) and was happy to discover that they are a little bit more baggy!
4 - I bought myself some roses tonight. I love flowers. I know that they just die blah blah blah, but they really make me happy. Mr. Future Hypothetical Right had better buy me flowers. :D
5 - I can't believe I almost forgot... but I have a new work stalking victim! The 3rd cute candidate (the one I liked the best of the 3) got the job and will be starting in Augustish... mmm... stalking victims... :D
Sunday, July 18, 2004
I just watched Bowling for Columbine on Showtime (look, they DO have something worth watching). It was very interesting. I cried during the 911 calls from Columbine and the black and white footage of the school cameras. I think I can get behind his theory about the fact that the US exists in a constant state of fear and this is what causes the US to such a high gun violence rate. It was alarming to me that in a post 9/11 society (I say that like it wouldn't disturb me in a pre-9/11 society, suffice to say it would) those two boys (both under 18) were able to go into K-Mart and buy all the ammo that K-Mart had that day. How is this acceptable? I don't know what a standard hunter would go through in one - two hunting excursions, BUT teenagers can buy ALL the bullets including for handguns that K-Mart has? I won't stand too long on my soapbox... and I'm sure you can figure out where I stand on this subject. One of the most traumatic experiences staying with my brother-in-lawwhoIhate (also known as Satan) was opening a closet in the diningroom and seeing something like 6 - 7 rifles. Then noticing that there was also a handgun on top of a shelf in the living room and upon further exploration another one in their (satan's and my sister's) bedroom. As a person who has always felt she would never live in a house with guns to find somewhere around 10 of them just casually around was a little disturbing. It did confirm 2 things... 1 - exbrotherinlawwhoihate is satan and I will NEVER again live in a house with guns.
Ooh... almost forgot in my rhetoric... V & Matthew (his boyfriend not MattyP) and I went to Bite of Seattle. It was interesting, but I don't think I'll go again next year. I really hate crowds.
Friday, July 16, 2004
- My sister was alive. Not only was she alive, but she was pregnant.
- My father was leaving. This piece is a bit fuzzier actually. I remember he was leaving and I was in the driveway of my parents' house screaming Don't take my daddy! Then falling in a slump on the oil stained driveway. That's when I woke up.
There was much more back story before all this, but I can't remember it. Only the sister and my father.
Dreammoods.com tells me:
To see your dead sibling, relative, or friend alive in your dream, indicates that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.
Dreaming that someone has been kidnapped indicates that you are not letting aspects and characteristics of that person be expressed within you. You are trying to contain and/or suppress those qualities of the kidnapped person
Seeing your father in your dream, symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant.
To see an oil spill in your dream, suggests that you are in emotional turmoil. You are experiencing problems and distress in your personal relationships.
To dream that you are wearing a cloak, signifies the need for security, warmth and the feeling of being well protected. It may also mean that you are trying to cover-up or hide something.
So if we piece this all together... Well... I don't know what exactly it all means. Do I miss my sister? We weren't close, so I don't know. Christmas 2001 was the last year I saw her before she died in 2002. Prior to Thanksgiving 2001, I hadn't spoken to her in like 2 years. Not because of any rift or anything, but with the 10 year age difference and the vast life experience differences, it was difficult to talk to her. She was much closer to my younger sister who went through some similar life experiences. I am also not sure what aspects of my father I may be supressing... He and I are actually remarkably alike, very laid back and easy going. I am probably more maybe compassionate is the word I want. He is an almost 70 year old Republican. He remembers the 40's and is a pick yourself up by your bootstraps kind of guy. Security and self reliance... that I'll almost buy. It is a wee bit stressful to think that when it comes right down to it, all I have is me. I didn't think I was feeling any emotional turmoil. Things have been pretty good lately. I think I'll chalk up this odd dream to drunkenness and the downer feeling usually brought on by that.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
- Yummy candidates
Yummy Candidates: So... The past three days I had candidates in my office who were interviewing for a specific position and we were discussing their benefits if they were to be hired. They were all HOT HOT HOT... And 2 of them were, I remember, super nice. The other one... all I can remember about him was that he was chewing bright blue gum the entire time we talked. If he did that while he was being interviewed that would be a huge black mark in my book.
People: I can't remember what I was going to say about people... Probably something about how they annoy me.
Peaches: (wow that color is visually difficult). I am no longer going to bring peaches in my lunch. Thus far, Monday's peach.. .mealy. Tuesday's peach I forgot to eat. Wednesday's peach didn't get brought to work since I ate lunch out on Wednesday. Thursday's peach... gross, bruised and battered apparently the victim of rattling around in my lunch bag. Who knew you had to wrap them in bubble wrap to protect their frail little bodies. To quote Michelle...
Now will you try nectarines?
I was in the elevator at work, heading upstairs from the parking garage. The elevator was basically just a large platform with a vertical metal beam at the back that had the floor buttons on it. I pushed the button for my floor and it light up red. The elevator started moving up and I was thrown slightly off balance. The elevator went past my floor and kept going. It was very high and I was quite nervous about falling off so I held on to the metal beam, closed my eyes and leaned my head against it.
When I opened my eyes again, I was in the sky, so far above the ground that I could only make out geographical features, not buildings. I thought, "I guess this is a flying dream." I didn't seem to be able to fly, though. The elevator was gone, but it still felt like I was being taken somewhere and I was scared that I was up too high. The land was very green with rolling hills like you see in movies about Ireland and Scotland. Turns out, though, that I was going from my building in Santa Monica to Las Vegas. As I was getting closer to Vegas, I began to worry about the landing. I was dumped off in the pool of a fancy hotel. I was meeting some friends there.
I got out of the pool and dried off. I went inside to a lounge just off the pool area. My husband and some friends were in there waiting for me. After I ordered a drink and joined the in-progress poker game, Adam and his wife walked in. They were very excited about the time share they had just purchased.
(according to dreammoods.com)
--Red: Red is also the color of danger. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.
--Elevator: To dream that the elevator is not letting you off, symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control.
--Machinery: To see machinery in your dream, suggests that you are going about your way without much thought. You are making decisions without thinking it through.
--Flying: If you are feeling fear when you are flying or feel that you are flying too high, then it suggests that you are afraid of challenges and of success.
--Pool: To see a pool of water in your dream, denotes that you will find much happiness and pleasure in love and marriage. Your social life will keep you busy.
--Alcohol: To dream that you are enjoying alcohol in moderation, denotes contentment and satisfaction in the decisions that you have made. Chance for success is likely.
--Poker: To dream that you are playing poker, suggests that a situation in your waking life requires strategy and careful planning. You need to think things out before carrying out your actions.
--Time Share: To dream the your friend has purchased a time share means that you think your friend is a hothead who acts rashly, but you like him anyway. Kidding, Adam. Chill.
I started out at work but I made the decision to push the elevator button without giving it any thought. This resulted in the elevator not letting me off which means that my emotions about something are out of control, likely my feelings about not wanting to work anymore, which have been getting stronger lately. Then I was taken out of my workplace and I was fearful while flying, which suggests that I am afraid of challenges and success. Two night ago I had my first screenwriting class to make sure that quitting work next year to get an MFA in screenwriting is really what I want to do. It really is, but that will definitely lead to some uncertainties and challenges. At the end of my flight I landed in a swimming pool at a hotel where my husband and friends were waiting for me. Since seeing a pool in a dream indicates that one will find happiness in love and marriage, I take it to mean that no matter what the outcome of my work or school situations, my family and friends will be around and I will continue to find happiness in that aspect of my life. Since I was enjoying a drink with them which means I was content with my decision and that the chance for success is good, it seems like everything will work out fine, even if it is challenging and frightening along the way. The poker game was like a final warning to think things through and plan carefully before making big decisions.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
I went to the info session after work. It seems like this will be a good program for me. I think this is the direction I want to go with my future. I have to start working on my application. If I want to enter for the fall, I have to get the paperwork in as soon as I possibly can. I have to come up with my two letters of reference. I hate having to have people do that.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I noticed yesterday as I was watching Dead Like Me (only like 13 days until its season premiere) I realized that my two favorite TV shows right now deal with things I don't believe in. I love Joan of Arcadia. She talks to God... yet it isn't preachy (like 7th Heaven which I wrongly watch mostly because it is such a trainwreck!). It is just a well done show I think. Then there's Dead Like Me which deals with, well death. The main characters are all reapers who 'help' their charges across to the other side. Basically they 'pop' the souls out of the body just before death. It is actually a fascinating concept. That you will meet a person who will touch you a minute or two before you die and they will help release your soul from the physical body. I kind of like how they make each of the doors to the other side significant for the person... It is a nice idea. Maybe someday I'll buy into the whole thing.
Monday, July 12, 2004
So for some random reason I'm having a searching for mr. rightish obsession right now. It will pass, it always does... but yesterday I was thinking as I made nachos for the 4th meal in 2 weeks that I should find a nice Mexican guy. I like Mexican food.. then it dawned on me that a real Mexican likes things like mole and menudo... I like food more along the lines of Baja Fresh and packaged sauces. But I did end up eating enchiladas all week last week for lunch and tonight's dinner... tacos. It is obviously a sign... although maybe not, last night's dinner was pork fried rice which will be lunch for the next several days. It could be more of a function of the whole not eating wheat so I can't eat sandwiches and have to come up with meal alternatives. mmm... I lurve me some fake americanized tacos. :D
Two new volunteering things I will be doing this month... 1 will be volunteering at a fireman gala/auction. In my expression of interest, I said I was interested in working behind the scenes and she already wrote back and let me know that there were some behind the scenes jobs open. Yum firefighters. Then sometime in July (hopefully this one is more tentative)I hope to go to Carnation with this volunteer group. They harvest fruits & veggies for farms and the farms donate a portion of what is harvested to our local food bank. It is a good example of the barter system working... The farmers get their crops harvested and the foodbank gets a donation of fresh food.
Final news I think I am going to go back to school for my MPA. SU offers a degree that is practically written for me. Since I work there, I can take classes for free so I should. I am a bit nervous, though. It has been so long since I've had to think or something like that. I'm going to an info session on Wed night. I'll have a better idea then I hope.
Oh final thought... SO I'm all excited about showtime because I can watch Dead Like Me. Well apparently that's all the current stuff they offer. All weekend long I kept looking for something to watch. All their movies were so old... It makes me sad.
Michelle (and others who know me and know my affinity for odd colored nail polish) will be glad to know that I now limit the bizarre colors (blue, green, black although not silver) to my toes. Right now I'm wearing a very respectable shade of rust on my finger nails... Unfortunately I am wearing it in a very trailer-trashy way because it is completely chipped and should be removed. However, I am noticing that my finger nails are growing fairly nicely right now and that makes me happy.
I bought some beautiful fruit over the weekend, a cantaloupe, watermelon and peaches. I cut up the cantaloupe and watermelon and have been eating it for breakfast and for snacks. I love cantaloupe! The peaches I am taking for my lunch at work. I have a weird thing about peaches. I like the taste of them, but I am not sure how I feel about the skin texture in my mouth. It will take me probably 30 minutes just to bite into this peach today.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Sometimes I have an idea that sounds better in my head than it might actually be. Since March, I've been thinking of getting a kitten. Mostly to join Bax as a playmate but also because The Bax is already 6 and ferrets only have a life span about 7 - 8 years, so in a year or so I get to look forward to another death which may actually break my heart more than Minka's. Anyway, I've been thinking about getting a kitten and I actually emailed someone I found on craigslist (I think I have to give big props to Michelle for hooking me up with this site. I lurve it!) who had an orange male kitten for free. My older sister claimed that boy cats are generally more loving and cuddly than girls. Something about how in the wild cat world, the girl cats go out and hunt and bring the food back for their family and the boys just lounge around. Hence boy boy cats are lazier and more cuddly. So I expressed an interest in a kitten. Then I had expressed interest remorse. I got an email back from the girl and was given a phone number. I waited most of today and finally called. I was relieved to discover that the kitten already found a new home. I would've felt bad if I backed out but that she couldn't find a different person for him. I've seen another kitten group on craigslist and am fighting the urge to email them.
It is kind of funny... major life things, I just do... little random things I'll obsess and think about forever before actually doing it. I've been considering this kitten thing for 4 months. 4 MONTHS (and I'm still waffling on the decision and making the commitment). I considered the tattoo for years before I finally decided to do it and then the design took many many months of consideration too. But the decision to move to Seattle? One random day. I just up and decided to do it. Didn't really obsess about the idea, decided to do it and 4 months later once all the details were ready... did it. Decide to move to CA... Michelle emailed me and just agreed like in one day. So.. I'll probably end up doing a Dharma & Greg thing and get married like 2 days after meeting Mr Hypothetical Right, but obsess for 6 months before buying my first new coffee table.
Friday, July 09, 2004
1- The security of having someone else be partially responsible for my well being. If I got laid off or was unable to work or something like that, there is someone else around who can share the load with me and take care of things. I wouldn't have to resort to going back to live with my parents who aren't even going to be around when I get old. (So, this would be a good thing for Joanne whose mom is crazy and both her mom and dad aren't exactly in their youthful prime.) For me, I would not have had this same feeling living with someone who said he was always going to be around but who I wasn't married to, so marriage was my choice.
2- Companionship. It is nice to have someone around to talk to and share things with. I never have to worry about finding someone to do things with when I want to. I have someone who is fairly obligated to do things with me. This is probably the easiest one to get without being married, though. If I was single and had a close girlfriend as a roommate and a good circle of friends? Problem solved. Notice I said "girlfriend", however, I don't think a gay best friend suits the purpose as well. They are great for many things, but there are some things they will never be able to help with. Sending someone to the store for feminine products when I am sick is a good example. Either a husband or a best girl friend would go for me. A gay best friend? Not so much.
(Note: I IM'd my husband and he said that I am the reason he chose married life over single life and that companionship is the #1 benefit.)
3- Physical affection. People need hugs. It is a scientific fact. The cuddling, the snuggling - all very nice. A person doesn't necessarily get sex whenever a person wants it when they are married, but very nearly. Like most things, though, I find that if I can get it whenever I want it, I start to want it less. Still, even disregarding sex, it is nice to have someone around who touches me out of love and affection. This I can get with a boyfriend, but since I am a woman I will find myself thinking neurotic things like, "How come I am always the one who hugs first?" or "Why won't he hold my hand right now?" Things are more certain in a marriage. I am no longer thinking about what he really feels about me. I know. He married me.
(Note: My husband also cites "no more worries about STDs" as a benefit. Nice.)
Top 3 Bad Things About Being Married
1- He is always there. This is the flip side to #2 Companionship above. I am, by nature, a solitary person. My husband is a very social person. I need time alone. I like to be by myself; not all the time, but on a fairly regular basis. The time I spend commuting in my car doesn't count either. I need quality time alone with myself. I used to do a lot more things alone. Work out. Crafts. Write. Clean. This may also be a result of having to commute to work, but honestly, that is one of the bad things about being married, too. If I wasn't married, I would be able to live closer to my job and I wouldn't have to commute and I would have a lot more free time.
2- There is so much stuff to do. Truthfully, I don't know if this is associated with marriage as much as it is with home ownership, but it always seems like there is something to do that has to be done by a certain date looming in the very near future and that isn't necessarily something I want to do. Whether this a result of being married or of owning a home is hard to say, but I wouldn't own a home if I wasn't married. Maybe. About a year before I got engaged, it seemed like my husband (then boyfriend) and I might break-up, so I was living with my parents, paying off my debt, and saving for a condo.
3- Anger. The more you love someone, the angrier you can get with them. There is a special kind of anger that comes only with being married. No one can push me over the edge as much as my husband. Also, I sometimes have to give in on something that I don't want to just because I know that he is getting angry like this and it isn't worth the trouble it is going to cause to stand firm on my position.
Like I said, there are trade-offs. For me, the good outweighs the bad. Marriage isn't for everyone, though. My brother-in-law, for instance, will probably never get married, but there is a good chance he will be with his girlfriend for the rest of his life. I found someone who I feel I can stay with for the rest of my life. I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe that he and I were meant to be together. I do believe that we are compatible, in love, and committed to making our marriage work. I like being married.
That said, if my husband died or something bad enough happened to make us get divorced, I don't know if I would get married again. Now that I have been married and know what it is like, I can also appreciate the single life more now than when I was living it.
Showtime Thanks to my whopping 3.5% increase here at the university, I will be getting roughly a grand 62.00 more take home pay per month. Now while I should do the smart thing and use that extra 62.00 to add to my credit card payments or even you know to live off of since somehow I still run out of money at the end of the month, I am not doing that. No. I am upgrading my cable to allow me Showtime. It is only 15.00 of my whopping 62.00 so there still remains a little extra on the table. :) Now you may wonder why Showtime. Why not the sporn capital of the world Skinimax or maybe the show heavy HBO (there really isn't anything funny about HBO)... I'll tell you why... Dead Like Me. I love this show. Back when I did the failed experiment of getting rid of all of my cable (who was I kidding really?), I didn't reup for the fancy channels I had before. Mostly because the fancy package I had before no longer existed and I was suddenly faced with paying way more than I signed up for. I gave it up. But now that Dead Like Me is coming back, I have to have it. The other plus side, is that for some reason I now get Encore. They each have like 15 channels of movies so perhaps I can finally find something worth while to watch in the evenings (yeah right.). In any case... I am overjoyed to find Showtime back in my life...
The Grass is Greener Earlier today, Michelle and I had a brief discussion about if marriage isn't one of those grass is greener ideas for single people. It is funny because just last night as I was sitting alone on my sofa I thought it might be nice to be married. Periodic bouts of that fantasy (damn you For Better or Worse) notwithstanding, most of the time I can't imagine being married. I would have to give up parts of my life that I'm just starting to relish (not to mention 1/2 my bed, closet, bathroom etc.). Right now I do what I want, when I want, with whomever I want (including move from state to state as randomly as I want). I like that freedom, and while I don't think marriage would require me to give all that up, some level of consideration would have to occur and I would not necessarily curtail my adventures but at least consult with hubby about them. (Well, lets face it, it isn't like I lead some wild swinging life where I do heavy drugs, riot and loot old folks' homes and/or have rampant kinky sex with a bunch of nameless faceless folks... Honestly on that last one if some of you knew how long it has been you would weep for me... :) BUT I would have to do things like dishes on a more regular basis (although that could be dear hubby's chore?)... actually get dressed on the weekend... and probably not let gay boys feel me up. I think the compromise is some long term boyfriend who doesn't live with me. Apparently as I have failed mr. craigslist's personal quiz I will have to seek other venues in which to find mr long term boyfriend who doesn't live with me. Otherwise I have to start obtaining cats.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
- You meet up with friends for drinks and dinner and you notice him looking down the shirt of one of your big chested friends, you: My answer... D - Never would happen. I have the biggest chest of all my friends. (Random note... I was trying to buy a sports bra in JC Penney. Apparently they put the sports bras for girls my bra size right next to the bras for girls with no size... did you know almost A was a size?)
- You find out he stretched the truth a bit, this
girl he is still in contact with that he claims is
just a friend is really a ex-girlfriend and she’s a
stripper, you: D - I am pissed because he lied (this is not stretching the truth this is an outright lie). I don't mind that he has friends who he may or may not have used to boink... but tell me the damn truth about it. Hoping he keeps that in mind when he finds out about some of the guys I'm still friends with.
- It’s your best friends little sisters graduation party and he gets drunk and
is flirting with all the 18 year old girls, you would: D - Point out that at his age (38) it is creepy pervy to be hitting on 18 year old girls.
The rest of the questions are equally odd... I am almost 100% certain I won't hear from him based on my honest, but probably not girl of his dreams answers.. I'll let y'all know if I do. :)
Anyone know anything about spider plants? One side of mine is torturing me with brown leaves. I think I'm overwatering but I don't know. Since it only gets watered when I can remember to do it I'm pretty sure it is feast/famine for the little plant. Hmmm... I may have to Ask Jeeves. I love Jeeves. He's the reason I finally figured out how to get rid of the web search hijacker I had.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Monday, July 05, 2004
According to my good friends at dreammoods.com
Cancer: To dream that you have cancer, denotes hopelessness, grief, self-pity, and unforgiveness. You feel you are wasting your life away. This dream also represents areas in your life which are bothering you, disturbing you, and hurting you in some emotional way.
Die: To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.
Barbecue: To dream of a barbecue, refers to a minor problem that is affecting your social life.
Book: To see books in your dream, indicates calmness. You will advance toward your goals at a slow and steady pace. Books also symbolize knowledge, intellect, information and wisdom. Consider the type of book. It may represent a significant calling into a specific field of work.
Hmmm..So apparently I feel bad about myself but that's changing?
Well, surprisingly enough, a geeky idea I had actually came to fruition. I wanted to go to the Family 4th of July at GasWorks Park and watch the fireworks. I suggested it to V et al and expected V to flake. Not only did he not flake, but we had a good time and a crowd of people. We were joined by his boyfriend Matthew, Matthew's roommate Sunny, Dana, and a couple of old friends of V & Dana's, John, Nicole, their son John and Nicole's brother. It helps that Vladdy actually knows people since I don't. We went to the store ahead of time and bought a bunch of food. Too much food, but that's okay. We had a nice picnic on the grass. The fireworks started at 10. This is my first time seeing the fireworks here in Seattle, and my first time seeing fireworks in 'the big city.' When I was growing up in Arizona, they were put on by the Lions Club in the football field of my old high school. I remember we would all squash together onto one of my dad's old army blankets. They had 'donated' a dollar for each of us to get in. We brought snacks, because god forbid we were ever allowed to buy the 'overpriced garbage' they served in the little food area. Oh the things you want so much when you're a child. I always wanted the crap food from the food trailers. As an adult, not so much. The fireworks growing up were cute... and we would have these little displays at field level (like the American flag in red, white & blue sparklers) and then some up in the sky. There were always a lot of firetrucks on hand because Arizona in July is dry as a bone and if any of the ash from the fireworks came down on the grassy fields next to the football field, it would burn fast. There were always some teeny tiny fires out in the fields that had to be put out quickly. The 'big city' fireworks were different than the fireworks of my childhood. Bigger. Able to do more things... smiley faces? Giant displays of color. Curtains of light. It was only 30 minutes but it seemed to go on much longer. I really enjoyed it. Afterward, we just sat and let the throngs of people leave around us. We separated from the others and V & I caught the bus home. We stopped in R Place but there was noone really to see. In Alaska, we didn't have fireworks on the 4th of July. There's no point. It isn't dark. Fireworks are on New Years Eve. Of course then it is so damn cold you don't want to be sitting out on the snow watching them. And of course we had the Aurora Borealis, which is oh so much cooler than fireworks ever could be. 3 AM stumbling down the hill from upper campus, drunk... the Aurora was magical those times. I think I went to the fireworks once when I lived in CA. I went to Channel Islands Harbor one July 4th with a coworker and her mom and we went out on a boat and watched them. It was very cool. Last year I was working at the casino and my car was in the shop so I was doing the 2 hr bus ride. I didn't get home until after 8:00 and by then I was just tired and didn't want to deal. I think I tried to see them out the window of my apartment but the stupid buildings around me are in the way. :) Next year... who knows...
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Friday, July 02, 2004
All sorts of not particularly exciting things have been happening this week.
Wednesday (I think it was) I fell asleep on my sofa at 7:30... woke up at 8:30... went into the bedroom to put on jammies... lay on the bed fell back asleep until 9:00 tried to get up and come watch TV and finally gave in at 9:30 and went to bed for real. Woke up at 5:00 the next morning feeling rather crappy from too much sleep.
The reason I haven't been logging in and blogging lately though is that my left eye has been bothering me a great deal. Apparently I have a sub somethingorother irritation. My left eye is all very pink/red and actually rather painful. It feels like there is a huge amount of pressure behind the eye as well. It started last Thursday and wasn't terrible, but kept getting worse and worse. I finally went to the eye doctor yesterday. It has been over 2 years since I've been to the eye doctor and I had almost forgotten how much I hate that whole experience of "Which one's better 1 or 2... 2 or 3... 3 or 4..." You feel like maybe if you answer wrong it will be a really bad thing. He also spent a lot of time looking at my left eye and that's what he came up with... A sub somethingorother irritation. Basically between the 1st & 2nd layers of the eye. He gave me some drops and sent me about my merry way. Since it has been over 2 years and my glasses needs have changed I decided to get a new pair. This is DIFFICULT. The glasses I like are more than the $115 my insurance allows and honestly anything more than that is more than I went to spend. After 45 minutes of the little helper guy suggesting things and me rejecting them (really purple? what am I 9?? Tortise shell cat's eye, am I my mother circa 1968??). I finally settled on a pair that I don't think look hideous. (Funny side note... little helper guy had a tongue piercing that I think was new because he was having difficulty talking). So Thursday night I start putting the new drops in. Two drops every 4 hours. Thursday evening I was in so much pain I was lying on the sofa with a warm rag over my left eye. Didn't help and ended up having to take pain medication. No improvement today so I called the Dr and now have newer stronger drops. Lucky me.
I was dealt with some sad news Wednesday evening. My Fred Meyers is closing down. I love Fred Meyers. Once this shop closes down I'm going to have to leave the downtown/ Capital hill area to shop for the basic beauty necessities: shampoo, conditioner, soap etc. Grocery stores and drug stores are all rather expensive for these supplies. At least QFC (owned by the same parent co as Fred Meyers) is keeping the same rock & twig section so I'll still be able to get my GF food without too much trouble.
My coworker and I have changed up our gym schedule. I'm now leaving for the gym at like 5:50 AM to get there at about 6:15. (I walk and have stop lights and all that). We then shower at the gym. This is traumatizing to me. I am not a big fan of being naked in public. Even if that public is only the women's locker room at my university. (I throw this in just for Timmy)... It is so daunting to shower around all the perfect little college girl coeds who are all of 18ish and skinny. (honestly, though, at 7:00 in the morning they aren't there thank goodness because then I would really be neurotic about showering at the gym). But this shower switch now gives us about 45 minutes of a workout. I actually did 3 sets of ten leg lifts on the roman chair... 2 of those sets being legs straight out kind and not knee curl up kind.
Whee it is 8:00 and time for my next round of new eye drops...