I started back on anti-depressants just over a week ago. I knew the signs long before I started back on them. I didn't want to do anything. I felt so anxious. In reality I probably should never have went off them. I ended up off them over a year ago because I forgot to take them for about a week and realized I felt fine. And I did. And I had been feeling pretty good for awhile. But as these things go I've been frustrated with my job and my life. I felt anxious all the time (due to my job). And even though I've been job hunting (for over a year wahoo) to find a new job, nothing has come about. So I'm back on the Prozac (generic) train. This morning you wouldn't have known I was on them. I was so anxious. I drove the whole way to work just imagining gloom and doom. I was positive today was going to be a really crappy day. Luckily I was totally wrong and it was fine. By this evening I was actually feeling a little more light hearted (of course that could partially be because today is Friday and I don't have to go back to that hell until Monday). I know they take a little time to work. I can tell they've been doing something because I have had the most intense hot flashes. Christ if this is what menopause is going to be like I refuse to do it. Luckily those have calmed down now.
I used to be really good at counting my blessings. Well I never called it that, but that's the gist of it. Thinking positively and considering all the good things that are going on in my life. I know I'll be able to do it again and I know I'll get back to volunteering again. And I'm glad to be in grad school, even though I'm terrified I won't be able to make a decent enough living at being a librarian. (Although I'm now considering looking into being a corporate librarian. I think that would be interesting for awhile.) I know I'm on the path to good things. It is just hard to see that sometimes.