Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Welcome to the Cliche

I blame PM's incredibly adorable and well behaved children for the recent slap to my "biological clock."  (Ok it is probably not their fault.  I am 36 and do have ovaries and a theoretical maternal instinct.) 

I want to have kids. I have waffled about it in the past, but if I'm being honest with myself I think that waffling was mostly to bother my mom and not something I honestly believed.  But god the pull is so strong sometimes.  It's run through my head that I could just go be slutty in bars until somthing happened.  (that something would more likely be one of many STDs given the "difficult if not impossible" label and lack of periods since April - wow TMI for all of you isn't it?).  But I'm not a total moron so I don't.  (And I don't want diseases.  50% or whatever of the population may have herpes, but I don't and I'd really rather not get join them just because)

I now follow several twitterers (what is that noun?) on twitter who are foster/adopt resources here in Texas.  I regularly spend time at adoptuskids.org and the one for Texas (whose site I can't remember off the top of my head) looking at available kids (The kids under 4 on the Texas site... holy cow do those kids have problems.  It is excrutiatingly sad.)  I want this badly, but I also recognize that I want to have my financials in order and my job in order so I can focus the time and energy onto my kids that they are going to need.  I'm hoping to attend an adoption orientation session in the next couple of months.  I know it is still too early to really begin the process since I won't be ready until I can move into a bigger place, but I feel like I have to be doing something to move forward on this.  I don't want to be 45 and look back at what I didn't do.  (Ok I still could adopt at 45 and I'm being overly dramatic I know). (ooh perhaps it is the sign of an impending period, eh probably not.) 

And ultimately when all is said and done I think I'm just lonely here.  When I moved to Seattle I at least had V to hang out with and then Matty P and then other friends eventually.  Here I know nobody.  And while I generally don't like people, spending the bulk of 3.5 months by onesself is hard.  I'm going to a pre-Blogher meet up next weekend.  Maybe something will come of that.  And although Kate in VT says I'm good with friends, I find it very stressful and difficult.  As a kid I always latched onto like one or two people (which if you look at my friend track record is still in effect 30 years later) and they would be my friends.  Whine whine whine wah wah wah.  Tomorrow is another day and it will be a good one dammit! :)


Peeved Michelle said...

You'll definitely meet some friend candidates at the meet-up. Don't forget your business cards!

Elisha Dasenbrock said...

I just had my orientation meeting with an agency that AdoptUsKids.org set me up with. I am not nearly ready to actually foster or adopt, but it takes 3-6 mos. for the process and it could take much longer to find a child I am compatible with. I really just want to make sure that by the time I am ready I won't have to wait for 3 years to get a child. I will be ready to go. You don't have to foster right when you get licensed.

PS chicken pox and shingles are the herpes virus so if you had chicken pox as a kid you technically have herpes. Although not ya know, that kind. My BF had shingles last year, but because he was so young the ridiculous nurse thought he had herpes....on his side. Which technically he did.

Anonymous said...

you are a steady rock as a friend. you just have to go find your people.