For those not following along at home, I quit my evil, horrible, made me sad, I can't work for this psycho bitch anymore job. Surprisingly while I worked out my notice, I actually got offered another job. I originally was only taking a week off between jobs, but evil boss decided she didn't want me there when she was gone, so I ended up leaving early from that job (and getting paid out). My baby sister and I went to DC which none of us have ever been to. We packed as much as we possibly could into our 4 days. It was AWESOME! And I have pictures I have to pull off the camera eventually.
I started the new job on Monday. So far it is good, but beginning a new job is exhausting. I was so tired yesterday, Wednesday, I fell asleep at 6:30. Woke up long enough to watch Revenge via the DVR (at 10) and then went back to bed. My new boss has really just started me right away on projects, which I appreciate. The downfall is that I have zero cell reception in my office.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Remembering Vlad
I've been running non-stop since Sunday to avoid thinking about this. My friend Volodiya died. Early readers of this blog, that may only be Michelle, may remember he used to post here periodically.
We met in college. He was the first gay person who I knew was gay. Even then, I had to have it explained to me since I thought since he had a picture of Marilyn Monroe that must mean he was straight. I was naive, I confess. We hung out through college. When Kate & I had our falling out he was there to pick up my pieces. He took me out to the middle of nowhere to celebrate my 21st birthday where we ate cake and drank a lot and had friends come out and drink. He's the reason I can type 80 words per minute. One of my favorite letters I received from him while he was in France complained about how useless the internet was. (This was pre-search engines). He used to call me up and say "Hey, Baby, what are you wearing?" My response was always "Nothing but a smile big boy." He would then scream like a girl and we would laugh and laugh. We spent one Christmas break playing Super Nintendo and listening to The Smiths. Only Morrissey understands!
Volodiya made me laugh and made me cry. He protected me. He drank with me. He supported me when I needed it. We grew apart and lost touch. I missed him and still do. And now he's gone and I'll never be able to apologize. And I'm not sure how I'll get over that.
We met in college. He was the first gay person who I knew was gay. Even then, I had to have it explained to me since I thought since he had a picture of Marilyn Monroe that must mean he was straight. I was naive, I confess. We hung out through college. When Kate & I had our falling out he was there to pick up my pieces. He took me out to the middle of nowhere to celebrate my 21st birthday where we ate cake and drank a lot and had friends come out and drink. He's the reason I can type 80 words per minute. One of my favorite letters I received from him while he was in France complained about how useless the internet was. (This was pre-search engines). He used to call me up and say "Hey, Baby, what are you wearing?" My response was always "Nothing but a smile big boy." He would then scream like a girl and we would laugh and laugh. We spent one Christmas break playing Super Nintendo and listening to The Smiths. Only Morrissey understands!
Volodiya made me laugh and made me cry. He protected me. He drank with me. He supported me when I needed it. We grew apart and lost touch. I missed him and still do. And now he's gone and I'll never be able to apologize. And I'm not sure how I'll get over that.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
This is not a post about my work status or my schooling.
Aren't you relieved?
I needed a new skin care regime. My "T" zone was super dry and flakey sometimes. I went to Ulta and was chatting with one of the sales reps. She recommended Dermalogica so I bought one of those kits. I'm now being a grown up and not just using hand soap and regular facial lotion on my face. So far I like what it is doing to my face. It feels nice. AND I recently got a compliment on my face by a coworker. She said she could tell I'm doing something different.
I needed a new skin care regime. My "T" zone was super dry and flakey sometimes. I went to Ulta and was chatting with one of the sales reps. She recommended Dermalogica so I bought one of those kits. I'm now being a grown up and not just using hand soap and regular facial lotion on my face. So far I like what it is doing to my face. It feels nice. AND I recently got a compliment on my face by a coworker. She said she could tell I'm doing something different.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Bittersweet Relief
My period of unemployment theoretically is over before it even began. I was offered a job yesterday. I am excited about that. I am relieved about that. The thought of actually being unemployed scared me a lot. Now I say theoretically I was offered a job because technically I have not received an actual offer yet. I've received verbal confirmation that I'm their first choice, but right now they are calling my references and doing a background check. One of those two things could cause me to fail. Maybe. I hope not. I also don't know how much salary or what start date would be yet so although I may have a job, I'll believe it when I see it.
The Pros: in Fort Worth so I don't have to move from my current apartment. In an industry I've been hoping to break into. It is a job with income, hopefully comparable to what I earn now although I know the max is less than I currently earn. I can rehire the housekeeper. :) (although I won't until I actually get an offer and a salary).
The Cons: It isn't in a library. There's a fellowship I really want which would mean moving in July and quitting which would make me feel badly. (Realistically speaking the odds are low I'd get it but I'm still applying because it would be kickass). I'll be working full time while juggling 13 credit hours. I was kind of hoping for a little break so I could really focus on school.
Luckily, I won't start until after comp exam so I'll have a week off between the two jobs. I'm going to DC with my sister and her kid for a little long weekend which I've never been there. I'm feeling really positive about things, which is exciting because it has been a long time since I've really felt positive. (Positivity tweets notwithstanding.)
The Pros: in Fort Worth so I don't have to move from my current apartment. In an industry I've been hoping to break into. It is a job with income, hopefully comparable to what I earn now although I know the max is less than I currently earn. I can rehire the housekeeper. :) (although I won't until I actually get an offer and a salary).
The Cons: It isn't in a library. There's a fellowship I really want which would mean moving in July and quitting which would make me feel badly. (Realistically speaking the odds are low I'd get it but I'm still applying because it would be kickass). I'll be working full time while juggling 13 credit hours. I was kind of hoping for a little break so I could really focus on school.
Luckily, I won't start until after comp exam so I'll have a week off between the two jobs. I'm going to DC with my sister and her kid for a little long weekend which I've never been there. I'm feeling really positive about things, which is exciting because it has been a long time since I've really felt positive. (Positivity tweets notwithstanding.)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Journey into Unemployment
Today I gave notice at my job. I am super excited about leaving this job. As part of getting ready to be unemployed I contacted my housekeepers to tell them 2 things. 1. They haven't billed me for last housekeeper day. 2. I'm cancelling because I'm about to be unemployed. Well, they claim they haven't billed me for last housekeeper day because the housekeeper didn't come. Sadly that is incorrect since I had a newly made bed that I didn't make. Which I reported to them. She said she would investigate, but then said she may not look too hard since I'm about to be unemployed and all. That was super sweet!
My evil boss has agreed to not fight unemployment payments for me. This is kind of huge because it means I would at least have some money coming in. Sadly it would be a whopping $426 per week and I make more than that, but at least it would be some money. Interestingly I could survive on that and it would leave me almost $400/month for everything after bills. (Provided it is tax-free which I think it is).
I've actually got two job interviews lined up. One is with the same company I had a first interview last week. The other is a place I've been trying to phone screen with since last Monday. And here's where I now have a dilemma. What if I actually get one of these jobs? Do I take it? Even with the fuller than full time schooling? I feel like I would have to. I'm not sure if I can actually BE unemployed. I already don't talk to people on a regular basis (or ever really). If I am home all the time for unemployment... This could be bad for me. :) But what if I get that fellowship? Then I'd be quitting in July. I would feel badly if I left a job that I just started 3 months later. But what if I don't get the fellowship and can't find a library job. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. That's about all I can do isn't it.
My evil boss has agreed to not fight unemployment payments for me. This is kind of huge because it means I would at least have some money coming in. Sadly it would be a whopping $426 per week and I make more than that, but at least it would be some money. Interestingly I could survive on that and it would leave me almost $400/month for everything after bills. (Provided it is tax-free which I think it is).
I've actually got two job interviews lined up. One is with the same company I had a first interview last week. The other is a place I've been trying to phone screen with since last Monday. And here's where I now have a dilemma. What if I actually get one of these jobs? Do I take it? Even with the fuller than full time schooling? I feel like I would have to. I'm not sure if I can actually BE unemployed. I already don't talk to people on a regular basis (or ever really). If I am home all the time for unemployment... This could be bad for me. :) But what if I get that fellowship? Then I'd be quitting in July. I would feel badly if I left a job that I just started 3 months later. But what if I don't get the fellowship and can't find a library job. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. That's about all I can do isn't it.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Finances
I almost never talk about finances because I HATE finances. I hate thinking about money. I hate dealing with money and I've often said I'd be better off if I gave my money to someone else to dole out an allowance to me. I suck at money. BUT since I'm quitting on Monday I need to figure out where to cut expenses and how I'm going to live while I finish my degree and find a new job. Long term blog readers may know that it took me almost a year after moving to Seattle to find a new job I liked and that didn't make me want to drink heavily. I would rather not repeat that experience. So in an effort to figure out how to best handle my about to be new found unemployment, I took a look at what I spend my money on. After bills, I'm ashamed to admit I spend a shitton of money on food. I am embarrassed at how much I eat out. It is ridiculous. $180 in a month in eating out alone. That's $6 a day I'm throwing away. Even worse is what I spend in groceries. (Although it may be skewed slightly because I also get my gas at Kroger and my debit card doesn't show the difference but really I put in about 30 bucks every 2 weeks so mostly it isn't gas). I spent almost $600 in groceries last month. I'm one person. What the hell am I buying? And, I don't even know how much rotten food I throw out because I don't eat it. Clearly I can cut back a lot on both of those items. Oddly enough, I spend very little on other things. I spent about $100 on gluten free baked goods. That's a lot but it is also an anomaly. I don't think I usually buy that much in a typical month. And once I'm unemployed I won't buy that much at all.
Next I'm going to do something I know is a very bad idea. I will pay a penalty for it which is a waste of money. I'm going to cash out my retirement plan with the University and pay off my credit cards and my car so I'll have no debt during this period of un/under employment. I will then call my credit card co and not cancel the card altogether but reduce the max to a very minimal amount. My student loans won't start coming due until December/Jan and hopefully by then I'll have a real paying job in a library. And I'll get another job but it will be primarily mindless. Contract or temp work would be ideal. Something that will allow me to pay my bills and perhaps still eat.
Next I'm going to do something I know is a very bad idea. I will pay a penalty for it which is a waste of money. I'm going to cash out my retirement plan with the University and pay off my credit cards and my car so I'll have no debt during this period of un/under employment. I will then call my credit card co and not cancel the card altogether but reduce the max to a very minimal amount. My student loans won't start coming due until December/Jan and hopefully by then I'll have a real paying job in a library. And I'll get another job but it will be primarily mindless. Contract or temp work would be ideal. Something that will allow me to pay my bills and perhaps still eat.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Leap of Faith
For those that don't follow me on twitter or are friends with me on facebook, I'm about to embark on something insane. I've added one more class to my semester which puts me at 13 credits. And I'm going to quit my job. This way I can be done with my degree in May instead of waiting until August.
This all came up because of a fellowship a friend sent to me. I could qualify. Exemplary grades. An essay. A bunch of other things. BUT I have to have my MLIS by July 1. If I had stuck with my current plan I wouldn't have it in time. But in reality it makes sense. I'm on the fringe of being fired. I made a mistake. A huge one. My boss made a similar mistake but even huger, and I'm on the fringe of firing and she's not but whatever. This is my 2nd write up. I know she's planning on replacing me since I found the job listing "blind." So this makes sense because I need a new job before August. And I don't want to work in benefits anymore which is what I'd have to try to get a job in if I left before I got my degree.
The leap of faith comes in since I could end up unemployed. For a long time. This terrifies me. I was unemployed for almost a year after moving to Seattle. I still feel the financial impact of that. BUT it is the only answer. I can't keep up at this job. (Well obviously since I'm on the brink of firing). I'd rather quit than be fired so there you go.
I don't really believe in things happening for a reason or anything like that, but it seems like this whole change is the right thing. My friend tweeted me about the job posting today. I read it and fell in love with the posting and discovered I wouldn't finish in time. I emailed my advisor about when I would finish if I took my summer class and the test then to discover I was 42 days after the cut off. So then I emailed back and asked about adding one more class and capstone this semester (since I didn't know what the graduate credit limit was). The advisor called me right away because today was the deadline to add a class and pay for it. In a very short time she had me registered in a class and I paid and it is a done deal.
This all came up because of a fellowship a friend sent to me. I could qualify. Exemplary grades. An essay. A bunch of other things. BUT I have to have my MLIS by July 1. If I had stuck with my current plan I wouldn't have it in time. But in reality it makes sense. I'm on the fringe of being fired. I made a mistake. A huge one. My boss made a similar mistake but even huger, and I'm on the fringe of firing and she's not but whatever. This is my 2nd write up. I know she's planning on replacing me since I found the job listing "blind." So this makes sense because I need a new job before August. And I don't want to work in benefits anymore which is what I'd have to try to get a job in if I left before I got my degree.
The leap of faith comes in since I could end up unemployed. For a long time. This terrifies me. I was unemployed for almost a year after moving to Seattle. I still feel the financial impact of that. BUT it is the only answer. I can't keep up at this job. (Well obviously since I'm on the brink of firing). I'd rather quit than be fired so there you go.
I don't really believe in things happening for a reason or anything like that, but it seems like this whole change is the right thing. My friend tweeted me about the job posting today. I read it and fell in love with the posting and discovered I wouldn't finish in time. I emailed my advisor about when I would finish if I took my summer class and the test then to discover I was 42 days after the cut off. So then I emailed back and asked about adding one more class and capstone this semester (since I didn't know what the graduate credit limit was). The advisor called me right away because today was the deadline to add a class and pay for it. In a very short time she had me registered in a class and I paid and it is a done deal.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Online dating
So in an attempt to get something interesting or good or whatever in my life I've started online dating again. This is nerve wracking on a number of levels. I don't think I translate well online. I've been trying to be more proactive than I usually am. Usually I post a profile and wait to see if anyone expresses any interest in me. They don't. Or sometimes super weirdos in other states do but that's really worse. So this time I'm taking the initiative and contacting guys whose profiles I have thoroughly explored. I'm amazed at the number of guys who believe that both creationism and evolution should be taught in school. I try to console myself with maybe they believe that since we're in Texas creationism is taught in school so evolution should be too, but I'm pretty sure that's not the belief. That seems to be one of the lightning rod questions for me. I do like the fact that okcupid allows you to answer a lot of different types of questions (both publicly and privately) and use that to help match you up with someone. Although he's geographically less desirable, I've been texting with a guy who I am 99% compatible with according to their algorithms. I'll be meeting him on Friday night. We'll see.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Passion (less)
For the past several years I haven't felt excited about what I do. I'm not sure I've ever felt excited about what I do. I just happened to be good at it. Maybe I liked it for awhile. Hard to say at this point. I thought I liked it. But I do recall being uneasy about getting my CEBS certification because I feel like I would be pigeonholed by this job path. Luckily (or unluckily as the case may be), I hate what I do now so much I no longer want to do it ever again. Sadly I'm in kind of a weird place. I'm not done with my MLIS degree so getting a real library job isn't going to happen quite yet, but I have to get out of my current one. I tried to quit last week. Evil boss talked me out of it. Turns out evil boss has been looking for my replacement since January 4th (week before I "quit"). So really she just doesn't want me to quit until she has the new me in place and then she can fire my ass like she has wanted to for sometime. I have a phone and an inperson interview this week. Hopefully one of those will pan out so I can get the hell out of dodge.
I've started doing my practicum for my library school. So far I've only been there for 4 days. I'm not thrilled that it is Sat & Sun from 1 - 5 PM because that means I have no days off. BUT until classes start so far it isn't totally killing me (yet). Last weekend I mostly observed the desk but I did get to answer a few questions. I liked (for now maybe that'll change) helping kids find the books and materials they were looking for. This weekend I spent the weekend searching through the catalog to see if the books in these magazines that had positive reviews were purchased for the library. So far, not so much on the non-fiction.
I've never really felt like a person who believes you have to LOVE what you do or follow your bliss or whatever. Work is work. It would be nice if it isn't so awful you cry all the time and/or want to drink heavily, but I'm okay if I can find something to like about what I do and who I work with.
I've started doing my practicum for my library school. So far I've only been there for 4 days. I'm not thrilled that it is Sat & Sun from 1 - 5 PM because that means I have no days off. BUT until classes start so far it isn't totally killing me (yet). Last weekend I mostly observed the desk but I did get to answer a few questions. I liked (for now maybe that'll change) helping kids find the books and materials they were looking for. This weekend I spent the weekend searching through the catalog to see if the books in these magazines that had positive reviews were purchased for the library. So far, not so much on the non-fiction.
I've never really felt like a person who believes you have to LOVE what you do or follow your bliss or whatever. Work is work. It would be nice if it isn't so awful you cry all the time and/or want to drink heavily, but I'm okay if I can find something to like about what I do and who I work with.
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Ch Ch Ch Changes
It looks like the Peeved family will not be moving to Texas. Michelle & I talked about it the other day. Peeved husband LOVES his new job and his new office and his coworkers and has been pushing to stay in CA. They also have lots and lots of family there to help with the kiddos when necessary. Strangely, I'm not at all sad about it. Mostly because I think this experiment in cheap, friendly, Republican living isn't really working for me. I know the job thing is a HUGE part of the issue. If I were happier in my work I might be happier here. But there are some fundamental flaws with Texas. Things like I HATE WIND. They may not have written a song about the winds sweeping down Texas' plain, but it does. I don't love 100+ degree weather. It may be a "dry" heat but it is still fucking hot and like the wilting flower I am I regularly suffer.
So what does this mean? I don't know. I'm going to start applying for jobs in CA and maybe a few other states. I have to finish my practicum here in TX. (Well I don't HAVE to, but I would imagine it would be hard to change practicum mid-stream.) I should be done with it on tax day, which is actually sooner than I originally thought. Everything else I have to do can be done online. I can't figure out if I should just slog through the hell job for another 3 - 4 months so I can finally apply for library jobs since I'll be essentially done by May/June or find another benefits job for awhile. If I move to CA, it will have to be another benefits job. As it is, I almost cried when I looked at the rents there. Who knows what is coming, but I'm keeping my mind open to it.
So what does this mean? I don't know. I'm going to start applying for jobs in CA and maybe a few other states. I have to finish my practicum here in TX. (Well I don't HAVE to, but I would imagine it would be hard to change practicum mid-stream.) I should be done with it on tax day, which is actually sooner than I originally thought. Everything else I have to do can be done online. I can't figure out if I should just slog through the hell job for another 3 - 4 months so I can finally apply for library jobs since I'll be essentially done by May/June or find another benefits job for awhile. If I move to CA, it will have to be another benefits job. As it is, I almost cried when I looked at the rents there. Who knows what is coming, but I'm keeping my mind open to it.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
God doesn't want me to have a good New Year's Eve
I went camping this New Year's Eve. I had this whole romantical idea that I would ring in the new year under the stars. That sort of worked out and sort of didn't. I did enjoy eating my dinner by the lantern and then sitting by the campfire. That part was awesome. And I had left my tent open, not put on the rain fly because I could see the stars. You can see a lot of stars in Texas. Then... the wind started to blow. And blow. AND BLOW. I don't like wind. It creeps me out. I don't like the noise. I don't like the feeling of it. I don't like wind. (I know I am now living in a plains state, what the hell was I thinking?). So I ended up going to bed early. That was fine. At midnight there was a loud ruckus so I at least woke up to ring in the new year. But then I had to get up and put the rainfly on the tent because I was also FREEZING. Got home around lunch time today and proceeded to take a 5 hour nap. I will post photos later. I toook a bunch! It was super pretty there.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Puppy
Today while I was driving from the grocery store, I saw a big rottweiler running in the road. I would have chased after it to at least get it out of the road, but I was in the 2nd left turn lane and in no real position to stop. I looked for it, but couldn't find it again. It totally reminded me of a dog we had when I was a little girl. The dog was funny looking. She was part dachshund and part poodle. So she was low to the ground but had this crazy fur that mostly matted. She had been my sister's dog but like most of my sister's pets, she'd abandon them to us and they would become a family pet. So Mouse used to get out and we'd never notice it. We have no idea where she'd go, maybe just around the block but we'd randomly hear scratching at the front door and she was back. I used to joke that since we never walked her she started walking herself. I thought about her seeing that dog running in the road and wondered if when people would see Mouse "walking herself" would they worry about her being loose and try to catch her to bring her back.
Epiphany
Six years ago, my mother and I had a screaming match in the front yard of their house. The gist of it was that I was no longer going to tolerate her irrational anger. I grew up walking on eggshells not knowing if she was going to get pissed off at something or not, not knowing what kind of mood she was going to be in. While I spent most of today agonizing over the wrath of my boss come Tuesday over something I had payroll do I realized something... If I'm not willing to put up with it in my mother why in the hell am I putting up with it in my boss? That's one of my biggest issues with her. She gets irrationally angry about stupid stuff. I am not putting up with it anymore. I may end up quitting before I have a new job lined up, but I can't do it anymore. Worse comes to worst, I pull my 401K out. That's really bad, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I can be a 90 year old librarian. :)
My second epiphany of today was what my boss was irrationally angry about. I asked payroll to do a refund of benefits for someone today. She flipped out because of the tax implications since the refund will count as part of the first payroll of 2012 and the deduction was taken out in 2011. "As the benefits manager I should think of these things..." After I thought about it more I realized if the PAYROLL manager didn't care why the hell was she freaking out? Since the PAYROLL manager has no issue, she's got no place to be pissed off.
Before I quit in a fit of wrath, I may try to talk to the new CEO. The CFO couldn't rein her in maybe the new CEO can. My entire department hates her. The payroll manager is on the verge of quitting due to her. Before I started at least 3 other people quit due to her. And let's not forget the African American woman she fired. After only giving her less than 1 week to improve on her "improvement plan."
My second epiphany of today was what my boss was irrationally angry about. I asked payroll to do a refund of benefits for someone today. She flipped out because of the tax implications since the refund will count as part of the first payroll of 2012 and the deduction was taken out in 2011. "As the benefits manager I should think of these things..." After I thought about it more I realized if the PAYROLL manager didn't care why the hell was she freaking out? Since the PAYROLL manager has no issue, she's got no place to be pissed off.
Before I quit in a fit of wrath, I may try to talk to the new CEO. The CFO couldn't rein her in maybe the new CEO can. My entire department hates her. The payroll manager is on the verge of quitting due to her. Before I started at least 3 other people quit due to her. And let's not forget the African American woman she fired. After only giving her less than 1 week to improve on her "improvement plan."
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Goals for 2012
Anyone who has read this before knows I don't make resolutions. I make goals. Things I'd like to do better at.
Meal Planning. I make this goal periodically. Usually after I realize how much take out I'm eating. I eat a lot of take out. Too much take out. I'm pretty good about setting up food for the week for lunches but somehow not dinners.
Keep my 4.0 GPA in grad school. With under grad I never had a chance. Well maybe I had a chance, but since I took Speech the first semester of my first year I never really had a chance. Somehow now, though, I've got one. Three semesters in and I have a 4.0. I have 3 classes in the spring and one in the summer. I know in reality it doesn't mean anything really, but now that I'm almost there I want it.
I would add find a new job but that was a goal for 2011 and didn't pan out. That's kind of always an ongoing goal. Without babbling too much about something that hasn't changed, I hate my job. I want a new job. Maybe once I have my MLIS I can get the new job easier. I hope. The thought of being at the current job for another year makes me want to cry. A LOT. Although there is a glimmer of hope (which keeps getting pushed back) in that we're merging with another company. I keep hoping evil boss will be let go to keep the hr person from the new company.
Meal Planning. I make this goal periodically. Usually after I realize how much take out I'm eating. I eat a lot of take out. Too much take out. I'm pretty good about setting up food for the week for lunches but somehow not dinners.
Keep my 4.0 GPA in grad school. With under grad I never had a chance. Well maybe I had a chance, but since I took Speech the first semester of my first year I never really had a chance. Somehow now, though, I've got one. Three semesters in and I have a 4.0. I have 3 classes in the spring and one in the summer. I know in reality it doesn't mean anything really, but now that I'm almost there I want it.
I would add find a new job but that was a goal for 2011 and didn't pan out. That's kind of always an ongoing goal. Without babbling too much about something that hasn't changed, I hate my job. I want a new job. Maybe once I have my MLIS I can get the new job easier. I hope. The thought of being at the current job for another year makes me want to cry. A LOT. Although there is a glimmer of hope (which keeps getting pushed back) in that we're merging with another company. I keep hoping evil boss will be let go to keep the hr person from the new company.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Better living through chemistry
I started back on anti-depressants just over a week ago. I knew the signs long before I started back on them. I didn't want to do anything. I felt so anxious. In reality I probably should never have went off them. I ended up off them over a year ago because I forgot to take them for about a week and realized I felt fine. And I did. And I had been feeling pretty good for awhile. But as these things go I've been frustrated with my job and my life. I felt anxious all the time (due to my job). And even though I've been job hunting (for over a year wahoo) to find a new job, nothing has come about. So I'm back on the Prozac (generic) train. This morning you wouldn't have known I was on them. I was so anxious. I drove the whole way to work just imagining gloom and doom. I was positive today was going to be a really crappy day. Luckily I was totally wrong and it was fine. By this evening I was actually feeling a little more light hearted (of course that could partially be because today is Friday and I don't have to go back to that hell until Monday). I know they take a little time to work. I can tell they've been doing something because I have had the most intense hot flashes. Christ if this is what menopause is going to be like I refuse to do it. Luckily those have calmed down now.
I used to be really good at counting my blessings. Well I never called it that, but that's the gist of it. Thinking positively and considering all the good things that are going on in my life. I know I'll be able to do it again and I know I'll get back to volunteering again. And I'm glad to be in grad school, even though I'm terrified I won't be able to make a decent enough living at being a librarian. (Although I'm now considering looking into being a corporate librarian. I think that would be interesting for awhile.) I know I'm on the path to good things. It is just hard to see that sometimes.
I used to be really good at counting my blessings. Well I never called it that, but that's the gist of it. Thinking positively and considering all the good things that are going on in my life. I know I'll be able to do it again and I know I'll get back to volunteering again. And I'm glad to be in grad school, even though I'm terrified I won't be able to make a decent enough living at being a librarian. (Although I'm now considering looking into being a corporate librarian. I think that would be interesting for awhile.) I know I'm on the path to good things. It is just hard to see that sometimes.
Friday, October 07, 2011
Why I'm Over the Pink
According to Cancer.gov, the most common cancer is prostate cancer. Did anyone know that? They estimate that there will be 221,130 new cases of lung cancer and 156,940 estimated deaths from lung cancer. Yes breast cancer is the 2nd most frequent cancer around. (More estimated new cases than lung), but only an estimated 39000 people will die from it. I won't say that breast cancer isn't significant, obviously it is. But with cancers that are a guaranteed death sentence, maybe we should start funneling some of that pink money along to other cancers.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
New TV!
I think it is no secret that I love television. I grew up on it. I get super excited when September rolls around and new shows are announced and favorites come back. Last week was the pinnacle of the new season. (Is that right? I think I'm using that correctly). Many things I love are back and some new things I'm still on the fence about have started and one thing I'm totally in love with (so much so that I watched the premiere twice in the same week when usually I don't rewatch a show that quickly).
Returning:
Parks & Recreation. I don't know if I've posted here about my love of this show. I love the character of Leslie Knope. I want to BE Leslie Knope. I don't know that I have ever felt as passionate and inspired and excited about my job as she is. She's fearless in her pursuit of greatness for her Parks Department and I just find her so amazing. I also wish I could be as positive as she is and as able to compliment people the way she does. She is probably my favorite character on TV right now and I will be super sad when the show gets cancelled. (At some point way way way in the future).
Sons of Anarchy: It seems odd that I like this show. It seems like a show I wouldn't like. But I weirdly love it. It's violent. It's brutal. It does feature some very attractive eye candy so that helps with the brutality part. This season they're getting in deep with some even worse dudes than usual so it could be interesting. Last season I kept watching because they were in "Ireland" and the accents alone kept me going.
Raising Hope: Another show I love. The family is so caring of each other and funny. And they're trying so hard to do things right for the baby that was thrust upon them. They really care about each other and I think that isn't always the feeling you get with television shows. Plus they've got the cutest baby on television bar none.
New Shows
The New Girl: Michelle liked this show. I'm on the fence. I liked the boys on the show but find Zooey whateverherlastnameis to be too much. It was like she was trying too hard. But it is on between Glee and Raising Hope and I watch both of those so I'll end up watching it until it gets cancelled.
Two Broke Girls: Freaking hysterical. I thought it was sharp and well written. It may have been a little over the top in terms of innuendo, but that's okay. I do find that I'm completely distracted by Max's boobs in her uniform. They're massive.
Revenge: By far the best show I've seen in a long time. It was so well thought out. I am sucked in and completely excited to watch next week! Emily Van Camp has such a girl next door vibe (probably due to Everwood) that you can't believe she's plotting against these Hamptonites. It is delicious and I don't use that word lightly. I hope it goes on for a long time, BUT has an end in place so it doesn't drag on forever and ever. I've already watched the pilot twice.
Returning:
Parks & Recreation. I don't know if I've posted here about my love of this show. I love the character of Leslie Knope. I want to BE Leslie Knope. I don't know that I have ever felt as passionate and inspired and excited about my job as she is. She's fearless in her pursuit of greatness for her Parks Department and I just find her so amazing. I also wish I could be as positive as she is and as able to compliment people the way she does. She is probably my favorite character on TV right now and I will be super sad when the show gets cancelled. (At some point way way way in the future).
Sons of Anarchy: It seems odd that I like this show. It seems like a show I wouldn't like. But I weirdly love it. It's violent. It's brutal. It does feature some very attractive eye candy so that helps with the brutality part. This season they're getting in deep with some even worse dudes than usual so it could be interesting. Last season I kept watching because they were in "Ireland" and the accents alone kept me going.
Raising Hope: Another show I love. The family is so caring of each other and funny. And they're trying so hard to do things right for the baby that was thrust upon them. They really care about each other and I think that isn't always the feeling you get with television shows. Plus they've got the cutest baby on television bar none.
New Shows
The New Girl: Michelle liked this show. I'm on the fence. I liked the boys on the show but find Zooey whateverherlastnameis to be too much. It was like she was trying too hard. But it is on between Glee and Raising Hope and I watch both of those so I'll end up watching it until it gets cancelled.
Two Broke Girls: Freaking hysterical. I thought it was sharp and well written. It may have been a little over the top in terms of innuendo, but that's okay. I do find that I'm completely distracted by Max's boobs in her uniform. They're massive.
Revenge: By far the best show I've seen in a long time. It was so well thought out. I am sucked in and completely excited to watch next week! Emily Van Camp has such a girl next door vibe (probably due to Everwood) that you can't believe she's plotting against these Hamptonites. It is delicious and I don't use that word lightly. I hope it goes on for a long time, BUT has an end in place so it doesn't drag on forever and ever. I've already watched the pilot twice.
Friday, September 02, 2011
Alone vs Not Alone
Since I live alone and hang out by myself a lot, I have a weird set of rules about what I feel is acceptable for me to do alone versus what says pathetic to me. I was thinking about that as I was driving home today. I thought about going to Oklahoma to go to a casino over the weekend. (Although in general I find going to casinos to be an odd activity unless I'm actually in Vegas or Atlantic City), but I feel like that's an activity that is pathetic to do alone. So here are the rules of going places alone as defined by me:
Eating out - Fine depending on the quality of the restaurant. Dennys - no problem. Ruths Chris steak house or fancier - weird.
Movies - Fine alone
Theater - Depends. Musicals are okay but like the symphony no. (No logic there).
Drinking in a bar - Not so much alone. I think that's sad.
Attend a sporting event - iffy. I think they're more fun when you're there with other people. But I've done it alone and it wasn't a big deal.
Going to a casino - Since I already think going to the Indian casinos are a little bit sad, I think going alone is super sad.
Eating out - Fine depending on the quality of the restaurant. Dennys - no problem. Ruths Chris steak house or fancier - weird.
Movies - Fine alone
Theater - Depends. Musicals are okay but like the symphony no. (No logic there).
Drinking in a bar - Not so much alone. I think that's sad.
Attend a sporting event - iffy. I think they're more fun when you're there with other people. But I've done it alone and it wasn't a big deal.
Going to a casino - Since I already think going to the Indian casinos are a little bit sad, I think going alone is super sad.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Regular Employee
As I was driving home from picking up my latest textbooks from UNT I realized that with my next career I'm just going to be a regular employee. No more will I have the inside information I'm usually privvy to in my role in HR. It's an interesting concept. Of my 15 years working since I left college, 12 of them have been in Human Resources. My next job will likely be the last one before I give up HR altogether and become a librarian. When you work in HR, you know things. Always. I interact with all levels of the company and since I do benefits and leaves of absence I KNOW things. What I currently do impacts the company and the employees as a whole. When I'm a regular employee I won't have that anymore. And in all honesty, I'm looking forward to that.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
BlogHer - The good, the bad and the hmm...
I've been to BlogHer twice as an attendee and once as just a groupie hanging out and trying to crash parties. (I'd never been to Chicago, BlogHer provided me a way to hang out with my pals and visit ChiTown).
This year BlogHer was in San Diego. Since it has been over 100 degrees here forevfuckingever that was the nicest thing possible. When I landed in San Diego and stepped out at the airport I felt a wave of nostalgia. The air smelled like the ocean. (Not that Camarillo smelled like the ocean but it was very close to the ocean). It made me miss California. And Seattle. And anyplace that isn't Texas, but that's another story.
I really liked hanging out with Michelle, Katey, Laura, Amy, Leslie and Karla. It is good to hang out with people, some of whom I know and some of whom were new to me. I really liked the food they served. I was thrilled with clearly labelled gluten-free options. It was AWESOME. I liked the swag. It is not hard to like swag. :) I liked the parties. I like parties. I liked the session I attended. Sadly I only attended one.
There wasn't anything really bad about the trip. I feel like the hotel is kind of pricey and since they didn't do room drops this year, I would have been okay going to a cheaper hotel. (Michelle probably wouldn't have been though). I didn't like how spread out things were which required what felt like a long walk. I wish there had been more sessions I was interested in, but I know they can't please everyone. The ONE session I was interested in, I didn't make it to because I had to finish homework for my class. (which I got a 12.5 out of 12.5 on by the way).
The Hmm... The real hmm is do I go back? Next year it is New York City again. I feel like NYC was much more expensive than Chicago and San Diego. I don't think the hotel was only $199/night. And I'm just not sure. I'm not sure what I get out of it besides free stuff (which if you add up hotel, airfare etc isn't actually free per se) and hanging out with my friends. Now, it'll cost to have a girls weekend anyway and with BlogHer at least I get breakfast and lunch paid for as part of my ticket. :) (as well as parties and drinking in the evening). So far in two years I think I've attended MAYBE 3 sessions (I think only 2 actually and one Michelle was on the panel and the other I just went with Michelle). I know if I don't go, I'll feel left out since many of the girls are going again next year. And I can go and hang with Katey who doesn't go to the sessions either. We could do touristy things. (if she goes I think she's on the fence too). I dunno. I can't think that far ahead.
This year BlogHer was in San Diego. Since it has been over 100 degrees here forevfuckingever that was the nicest thing possible. When I landed in San Diego and stepped out at the airport I felt a wave of nostalgia. The air smelled like the ocean. (Not that Camarillo smelled like the ocean but it was very close to the ocean). It made me miss California. And Seattle. And anyplace that isn't Texas, but that's another story.
I really liked hanging out with Michelle, Katey, Laura, Amy, Leslie and Karla. It is good to hang out with people, some of whom I know and some of whom were new to me. I really liked the food they served. I was thrilled with clearly labelled gluten-free options. It was AWESOME. I liked the swag. It is not hard to like swag. :) I liked the parties. I like parties. I liked the session I attended. Sadly I only attended one.
There wasn't anything really bad about the trip. I feel like the hotel is kind of pricey and since they didn't do room drops this year, I would have been okay going to a cheaper hotel. (Michelle probably wouldn't have been though). I didn't like how spread out things were which required what felt like a long walk. I wish there had been more sessions I was interested in, but I know they can't please everyone. The ONE session I was interested in, I didn't make it to because I had to finish homework for my class. (which I got a 12.5 out of 12.5 on by the way).
The Hmm... The real hmm is do I go back? Next year it is New York City again. I feel like NYC was much more expensive than Chicago and San Diego. I don't think the hotel was only $199/night. And I'm just not sure. I'm not sure what I get out of it besides free stuff (which if you add up hotel, airfare etc isn't actually free per se) and hanging out with my friends. Now, it'll cost to have a girls weekend anyway and with BlogHer at least I get breakfast and lunch paid for as part of my ticket. :) (as well as parties and drinking in the evening). So far in two years I think I've attended MAYBE 3 sessions (I think only 2 actually and one Michelle was on the panel and the other I just went with Michelle). I know if I don't go, I'll feel left out since many of the girls are going again next year. And I can go and hang with Katey who doesn't go to the sessions either. We could do touristy things. (if she goes I think she's on the fence too). I dunno. I can't think that far ahead.
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