Terrified

(Look 3 posts in one day, somebody is feeling better! Ooh and look there'll probably be a 4th post forthcoming too)

Tuesdays interview went really well I think. I could be shooting myself in the foot, who knows, but the person who would be my manager liked what I had to say. I answered the questions well and when I was done I thought, wow I really do know my shit. Look at that. :) It was a good feeling.

The terror... what if I actually get this job? What if I actually have to make a decision? What if I actually have to move?!?!?! I've been talking about it for 5 months, but talking doesn't mean doing. It doesn't mean something is actually happening. I'm not sure I can wrap my head around it all. Maybe a little teeny tiny part of me hopes I don't get the job so I can continue the status quo. Status quo is easy. I like status quo. If I get offered it I will have to weigh it carefully. Portland is not on the 'approved list' so if I wanted to live near Michelle I'd have to move again in a couple of years. But I might be in a better position fiscally to do that (and probably career wise... I wasn't kidding when I told one of the people I was interviewing with that Universities are where employees go to die. We have staff who have worked here 15, 20 even 30 years!) So we'll have to wait and see... (I'll take it, I think... I'm pretty sure... I don't know!)

If I don't get this job, I'm going to take a break from searching for awhile. My boss isn't going to move on with the hiring of a new boss for me. He doesn't think he'll be able to do it so he is going to hire another generalist instead. (I don't know this, one of his favorites told me). Since no changes will be happening I'll get my employee through this year's open enrollment and then begin looking again in November. I do feel badly if I were to leave in the middle of open enrollment. It is a lot of work and it won't fall to my boss... it will fall to the rest of the team and that would suck for them. When I first started this process I had hoped I'd be gone by now. Sigh. Why is being a grown up so hard?