Analog or digital

I've only been counting calories for the past 18 days.  It feels like I've been screwing around with this A LOT longer than that.  I'm not positive that I will be able to do this for the long haul.  But I'll definitely keep at it for as long as I can.  I'm trying to find that right balance between eating better and not totally depriving myself of food I like, which will make this fail. 

Other goals

I think when I get 1/2 way between weight x and weight y I'm going to go sky diving.  I may need to have my sister visit then because I'm not 100% certain I can do it on my own. :)  (She'll do it with me.  She'll do anything apparently. : p )  She's certified in scuba diving (that's not why I say she'll do anything) and I totally want to do that too. 

Shopping is hard

One of the difficult things about moving from a location with a huge Asian population to one without a huge Asian population is finding asian food components I used to use regularly.  I'm not even looking for anything particularly exotic.  I was looking for sesame oil and hoisin sauce (hoisin sauce is difficult because I have to find GF hoisin sauce) and fresh ginger.  It took me 3 stores to find hoisin sauce that was GF and ginger.  Now I must remember that Kroger is really the best bet for most things I want. 

Murder/Suicide Pact

Back when Michelle and I were in college, we had a murder/suicide pact that if we got to weight x we were ending it all.  Well, weight x has come and is long gone and we're both still alive.  In fact, weight y has come and gone and we're still alive which shows how serious we both were about this whole pact.  I've been counting calories obsessively for about 2 weeks.  caloriecount.about.com says I should only be eating 1600 calories per day and honestly I haven't been strict about it.  Most days I'm within 100 of it.  Some days (like yesterday) I didn't but I'm still eating fewer calories than I burn (according to the site).  I've also added exercise in the morning most days (40 min).  Gilad's Bodies in Motion make me happy.  I DVRd them from Fit TV so I can ff through the commercials. 

So I have between 8 - 9 lbs (I use an analog scale not a digital one) to get back down to weight y.  Which will also mean I can go on the zipline.  So far I've lost about 5 - 6 lbs.  I know that's not a lot, but it is good so far. :)

First shift down

Tonight I went to my first shift at the shelter.  I spent the evening in the 'pre-school' room with about 8 or 9 kids between the ages of 2 and 4.  There was an actual employee with me which meant I was fortunate because in the older kid room the volunteer was all by herself.  There have been a lot of new families in since I did my orientation there a few weeks ago.  They've doubled the number of kids since I was at training.  I had a good time with the little kids.  I sat in their teeny chair and we talked about shoes and i ate pretend food and engaged as many as I could in conversation.  There were 2 new kids whose mom had just gotten there today.  The little sibling cried the entire hour. Mom was seriously missed.  Towards the end older sibling started crying.  I think younger's crying just wore the kid down.  (I know it wore me down.  I was wiped out when I left). It was fun and I'm excited to go back. 

Fun Fun Fun

I went to the Dallas Art Museum today because it was the last weeend for the Coastlines exhibit.  Walking through the exhibit made me miss Seattle a little bit.  Even though I haven't always lived near the water, I have for the past 10 years and I kind of miss it.  It was nice to be able to see the water sometimes.  The exhibit was gorgeous!  They had a wide variety of media which I appreciated.  It was a multi-sensory experience because they also had various sounds playing.  In some areas you could hear the roar of the ocean and they also had the plinky plinky kind of music in the background.  My favorite painting was this one that was done in oil on canvas called Time and Tide by Alfred Thompson Bricher.  It was so amazing.  Until I walked up close to it I thought it was a photograph.  I tried to find a poster of it in the museum store but all they had was a little card.  I think the clouds really give it away but if you just focus on the rock and the water it is gorgeous. 

I think I may love his work.

I did go through the entire rest of the museum.  It was a really nice three hours.  (Additionally according to the calorie count site I'm using 3 hours of leisurly walking burns 781 calories just so you know :) ).  The museum has a lot of different exhibits.  Another painting I fell in love with was called The Icebergs by Frederic Edwin Church.  I could really get lost in the textures of the ice and the colors of the ice. It is a pretty big painting and it almost seemed like you could step into the painting and be much cooler. :)

In real life it is much much cooler.  It was in a section I could take a photograph of it but I didn't. (I borrowed this photo from Wikipedia).  I'll post the other photos I took later.  There was Egyptian art and just so many other neat things to see.

Trying something else

So I found a webpage that I can put in what I eat and counts calories each day.  If I eat only 1600 calories each day for the next 3 years I can get down to my "target" weight.  (This is the website defined weight not my defined weight, I don't know what that is.)  So started that out today.  Did not make the 1600 ceiling.  Not even close. BUT it is keeping it in my head so even though it may take me awhile to get down to 1600 calories/day at least I'll be THINKING about calories to maybe help reduce the number I take in. 

While at BlogHer I got my cholesterol and sugars checked.  I rocked all my numbers (well except the BMI and if that was fine, I wouldn't need to lose 15 lbs now would I?).  That was kind of exciting since I don't think I've had those tests done in years. 

Traveling Debacle

If I were one of those people who believed in "signs" or "the universe telling me something" I totally wouldn't have made it to BlogHer in NYC this past weekend.  

1. I had to gate check my suitcase.  I gate checked it all the way to JFK.
2. Weather closed the Charlotte airport.  It eventually reopened and we landed but my JFK flight had already left.
3. This is midnight and there aren't really any other flights going to the NYC area so I check into a Quality Inn for a whopping 3 hours to get some sleep... with no clothes since my bag got gate checked.
1. The irony (is it irony? maybe Murphy's Law) was that I actually contemplated pulling out a clean undies, toothbrush and toothpaste and a clean shirt when I discovered I had to check my bag but decided not to because I was the 3rd to the last on board and the line was actually moving down the jetway.
4. The next day I get to Charlotte.  It is too early for any place for food to be open and I spend so much time trying to figure out my next move it becomes too late to try to get food.
5. Miss my first La Guardia flight.  Discover that the 2nd La Guardia flight had a TON of seats open so I didn't have to worry about getting on that one. 
6. Headed down to luggage to see if it would be at all possible to get my luggage shifted to La Guardia so I don't have to go to both airports.  Don't hold your breath I'm told.
7. At La Guardia we have to circle the airport for 20 minutes because they are reconfiguring the runways.  I don't even know what that means but I could have cried.
8. Here's where the weekend gets saved... I get the next La Guardia flight and even better - Luggage makes it! I had the luggage lady scan my tag to see if I should even bother waiting and it was there! I could have cried with joy.  And I might have told the luggage lady I loved her.  It was a heat of the moment thing. :)

I am not destined to lose weight

Yesterday after work I stopped at Wal-mart to buy several things including a scale.  After 45 minutes and walking across the store 4 times, I finally found one in hardware.  Why are scales in hardware?  Why are they not with bathroom stuff (technically they are with the bathroom stuff because they were with the toilet seats and the towel bars and whatnot but they are not with the shower curtains and soap dishes).  I finally find one in the back and make my way back up to the front and get in line... to discover that my wallet is not in my purse.  I left it in the car.  I'm at the end of my rope so I put everything back and head out to the car to go home. 

This morning I get up to run errands.  Among them I go to Wal-Mart because the other Wal-Mart had Cabot cheese and I still want a scale.  So I go to Wal-Mart and they have one style of scale. It is not the scale I want (I want cheap analog and not uber fancy expensive kind).  I'm done.  Not buying a scale after all.

Maybe I could hike or something like that...

For today's Sunday Adventure I field tripped to the Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge.  It was so cool!  There were a ton of trails.  And on Sundays they have various things going on in the afternoon. Today's was a hike down at the boardwalk and river bottom trails.  I was the only one who showed up to go, though so it was just me and the naturalist.  How cool is that?  Awesome!

This is in the Lotus Marsh area.  They set up this fence around certain areas to see what was being eaten.  Now they're not only not sure what was being eaten, but they're not sure what is eating it.  They originally were concerned about what wild hogs were eating. 

View of the boardwalk from the pavilion in the Lotus Marsh.  The boardwalk is a little rickety right now because apparently when it floods the boardwalk ends up under water.

Up close of a button flower.  I like how they are tons of teeny tiny little flowers in a ball. They're all over the marshland.

Can you see the mysterious thing in this photo?  As we were walking back on the road to the car we took to the head of the boardwalk trail they bounded across the road in front of us.

Can you see the mysterious thing in this photo?  This was in the marsh.  I like how the duckweed and the fern (whose name I already can't remember) looks like solid ground.

This red is also in the marsh.  It is a fern that turns red like this in the fall.

This butterfly on the button plant was HUGE.  So pretty.

The duckweed and the fern make it seem like you could walk across this carpet of green.

A part of the Trinity River and the Lotus Marsh.

Dragonfly in the marsh.

All sorts of trees grow into the marsh. 

Cool old tree.  I think it is an oak. I know it is dead.

Old willow tree in the marsh.

Pavillion in Lotus Marsh.  It is out on the river so it is cooler than on the paths.  I could see turtles and fish in the water.

Can you tell the difference between poison ivy and a plant that isn't poison ivy?  These two are growing right next to each other.  (I can't remember the plant's name even though the naturalist told me like 4 times.)  The poison ivy is the one with 3 leaflets in a cluster with red edging.

Awesome red dragonfly.  I like how it is tigetstriped.

I think this is the Trinity River.

Can you see the bird?  White egret on the river.

These strands attached a spiderweb from a tree to the deck.

There's a brightish yellow spider in the trees which by itself is cool, BUT you add in that it makes a zig-zag web that makes it even cooler.  Apparently it is a common spider but I thought it was pretty nifty.

I'll be feelin' that

I bought a Groupon to do a zipline for me and my sister and her kid.  The problem... I have to lose 15 lbs to meet the weight requirement.  Obviously I have to lose more than 15 lbs but the 15 lbs are a semi-immediate loss. (Like before December when the groupon expires).  (Or before they visit and want to actually do this.)

To that end I've DVR'd several exercise shows from FitTV.  Sadly the shows have commercial interruptions but two 1/2 hour programs give me a 40 minute workout.  And they're different and some are kind of fun.  Although yesterday while I was doing Bollywood Dancing I was reminded of college when Kate would kick me out of the dorm while she did her step aerobics.  I have no coordination. :)  

That wasn't unsuccessful

Have I mentioned I'm going to BlogHer?  I am.  I have been waffling about this lately.  Part of me doesn't want to go and save my money.  The rest of me wants to because a - it is NYC which I have not been to since I was 8, b - Michelle is one of the presenters and I want to see her presentation and c - I think it will ultimately be fun even though I'm all apprehensive now.  I became even more when I heard there are going to be over 2000 people there.  That's a lot!  But I got my BlogHer pass in the mail yesterday with a random quantity of drink tickets (I say random quantity because PM got one number, I got a different and someone else we know going - yet a 3rd quantity.  I can't figure out the logic there).

Anyway... that's a long intro to today's Saturday adventure.  I drove into deepest darkest Dallas to go to a pre-BlogHer meet up.  All in all it wasn't a bad time.  It made me nervous to go but I met some very nice women and a nice husband.  Saw some excrutiatingly cute children. (The eyes on Rory's baby were amazing. Such a cute little chub!)  Ate a small bowl of ice cream.  Learned about what some people are doing in blogs.  Found a couple I'll probably follow.  Heard about a couple potential Sunday Adventure spots.  Not too bad a way to spend an afternoon.

I just do what the disembodied voice in the box tells me to...

I just got back from a trip to deepest darkest Dallas.  Since I'm new to the area, and especially new to deepest darkest Dallas, I was using the GPS.  The GPS and I tend not to agree on certain things and frequently I find myself yelling at her.  (I use the female voice on the GPS because the male one sounds way too much like a Speak & Spell).  Today was no different.  In the part of Dallas where I was, apparently there's construction and it took me like 1/2 mile on two different freeways just to get back to the 183W.  I don't know why we couldn't use surface streets.  I especially couldn't figure out why we couldn't use surface streets given how bad traffic was for that 1/2 mile.  (I know I'm relatively new to driving in traffic.  Walking in Seattle for 6 years does not prepare one for bumper to bumper traffic.)  On the way home things got even weirder.  I'm driving along getting ready to get onto my freeway close to home and it tells me to take a certain exit.  Hmm... maybe it knows something I don't.  So I get off the freeway.  Then it tells me to take a right and get back on the freeway.  WTF?  I could've stayed on the freeway I was on because the exchange was coming up.  Stupid box. 

Welcome to the Cliche

I blame PM's incredibly adorable and well behaved children for the recent slap to my "biological clock."  (Ok it is probably not their fault.  I am 36 and do have ovaries and a theoretical maternal instinct.) 

I want to have kids. I have waffled about it in the past, but if I'm being honest with myself I think that waffling was mostly to bother my mom and not something I honestly believed.  But god the pull is so strong sometimes.  It's run through my head that I could just go be slutty in bars until somthing happened.  (that something would more likely be one of many STDs given the "difficult if not impossible" label and lack of periods since April - wow TMI for all of you isn't it?).  But I'm not a total moron so I don't.  (And I don't want diseases.  50% or whatever of the population may have herpes, but I don't and I'd really rather not get join them just because)

I now follow several twitterers (what is that noun?) on twitter who are foster/adopt resources here in Texas.  I regularly spend time at adoptuskids.org and the one for Texas (whose site I can't remember off the top of my head) looking at available kids (The kids under 4 on the Texas site... holy cow do those kids have problems.  It is excrutiatingly sad.)  I want this badly, but I also recognize that I want to have my financials in order and my job in order so I can focus the time and energy onto my kids that they are going to need.  I'm hoping to attend an adoption orientation session in the next couple of months.  I know it is still too early to really begin the process since I won't be ready until I can move into a bigger place, but I feel like I have to be doing something to move forward on this.  I don't want to be 45 and look back at what I didn't do.  (Ok I still could adopt at 45 and I'm being overly dramatic I know). (ooh perhaps it is the sign of an impending period, eh probably not.) 

And ultimately when all is said and done I think I'm just lonely here.  When I moved to Seattle I at least had V to hang out with and then Matty P and then other friends eventually.  Here I know nobody.  And while I generally don't like people, spending the bulk of 3.5 months by onesself is hard.  I'm going to a pre-Blogher meet up next weekend.  Maybe something will come of that.  And although Kate in VT says I'm good with friends, I find it very stressful and difficult.  As a kid I always latched onto like one or two people (which if you look at my friend track record is still in effect 30 years later) and they would be my friends.  Whine whine whine wah wah wah.  Tomorrow is another day and it will be a good one dammit! :)

I got to screw!

I may or may not have mentioned I've joined a couple of Meet-Up groups.  I haven't really decided how I feel about the Meet-up groups, but whatever.  The book club one I haven't been to yet since they keep doing books I have no interest in.  The other one is a volunteering group. 

Today I volunteered for a ramp project where we built a ramp for a home.  It was actually fun.  The main group is a group of older men volunteers.  They were really funny, bickering with each other like... well like old men. :)  I got to drill and clamp things.  The smell of fresh cut wood is really attractive.  Calvin Klein could bottle that up and I would be very happy. :) I really enjoyed the project and I think I'm going to do it again.  Hopefully I can volunteer with some of the same people again so maybe I can make friends.

blocked

I could not be more blocked if I tried.  I start a post then delete it.

Fait Accompli!

Remember earlier in the summer when I said I wanted to clean out my storage unit?  I did it.  Go me. Go me.  Go go go me.  I cleaned out 8 boxes into 3 trash bags and 3 boxes for charity and 1 tote to go back into the storage.  Not too shabby.

My car is in the shop this week.  Luckily the person who hit me hit the part that already had a scrape so that's getting fixed by default.  Yay!

I have a 2nd date with the minotaur this weekend.  Dating.  Yay! (Well that may be a stretch.  We'll see how it goes.)

I'm going to a volunteering meet up next Saturday.  If things don't pan out with the minotaur (and I really don't think they will... I'm not that interested), maybe I'll meet a new one on Saturday... one who knows how to use tools and volunteers. :P  Yay!

My sister and her kid came to visit last weekend.  Yay!  I'm sure they'll come again.

I was almost tricked into supporting Right to Lifers

While I was running my errands this morning I drove past a car wash for life and I thought ooh! I'll get my car wash and support life. To me "life" means either lifelong aids alliance or cancer. It wasn't until I saw the t-shirt that said "pro-life" that I stopped myself. Phew. That was a close one!

Maternity Leave is almost over

On Saturday I will have been here 12 weeks. Because I work in benefits 12 weeks to me means FMLA time. :) (I know it is illogical, but go with it)

So I have been here 12 weeks and maybe it is due to the comfort of my AC and my absolutely fabulous sofa I'm sitting on, but I feel like I have no opinion on living here yet. I don't hate it, which in itself is surprising given how I hate to be hot. There are definitely things I do like about living here (palatial apartment notwithstanding). Of course part of that is just amenities I have now that I didn't have in Seattle. It is nice owning a car again. I hadn't realized how much I missed driving. Maybe not driving so much but the freedom owning a car brings.

My job... I don't know yet how I feel about it. There are aspects I like. There are aspects I want to like. I was lamenting to PeevedMichelle a couple days ago that I wonder where I would be careerwise if I had never moved to Seattle. I usually get this way when I am stressed about money. Where I am now is more than I was at the u. It took me over 5 years to get back to my LA salary in Seattle. Michelle very astutely pointed out multiple things... 1 - for almost everyone working, the grass is greener somewhere else. 2 - the extended unemployment and then working at the casino really did a number on my confidence. 3 - the university ultimately didn't help because it was so much better than the casino (but in the grand scheme of things not great either on several levels) that I just stuck around out of gratefulness. I also stuck around because certain benefits were just hard to give up. Having as much time off as I had was awesome. Ultimately this all leads me to the fact that this is not my end of the line job. I'm not sure how long I'll stay at my current place. I like it well enough, but they don't pay for most benefits, I'm iffy on how they treat employees as a whole, and there's no growth possible. Also I'll need more money if I'm adopting in a couple years.

Funny

This cartoon from Stone Soup totally cracked me up this morning.