Yesterday evening

I was having one of those days yesterday, you know the ones... what if every decision I've made since [insert xyz time frame here, but in my case it was leaving California in 2002] was the wrong one?  I'm over it now.  It's amazing what sunshine and cool but gorgeous weather will do for a person.  I also have to keep telling myself that had I not left CA I wouldn't be embarking on a whole new career change.  I would just keep working in HR and letting this new potential career die altogether.  I wouldn't hate my job so much that it has convinced me to not do it anymore.  I know that seems drastic - just because I hate my current job doesn't mean I have to give up the whole career - but I think the job just forced into focus what I couldn't or didn't see.  I don't like where HR is going. It is becoming more and more about the bottom line than about the people I serve.  I'm sure it is necessary but I don't want to be part of it. 

I'm going hiking today. I'm very excited about that.  I think that since I've been going to school, I've not been on a Sunday adventure in a long time.  Although this is a Saturday Adventure. They are having a hike to see the blue bonnets at the Fort Worth Nature Center where I typically go hiking.  I should probably pull my water pack out of storage.

Hopefully this is right...

My horoscope for today: Earthquakes can't be predicted, and they can change an entire landscape in seconds. Get ready for your own personal earthquake to strike soon. The shift itself may be a bit scary, but the aftermath will create a world with a lot more opportunity for you. Some barriers will fall and enable you to see a much clearer path. The shifting is quietly happening right now, and you may get a hint or two about what's in store for you when some little changes happen.


I'm a little troubled by the parallel to earthquakes and hope to goodness that this was written before today's repeat earthquake in Japan. I'm hoping it happens, though. I need something to happen soon. (that's hopefully good).

Is this grad school?

This is my first go around with grad school. I don't know what it should or shouldn't be.  I was talking to a couple of classmates on Wednesday about our class.  They both hate it.  They think the prof gives too much busy work. I can see their point.  We have to do 4 article summaries every week and an info hunt (we have to search for information using whatever method prescribed by the prof) each week.  Everything is worth a lot of points so if you don't do well on one thing it won't irreparably damage your grade.  This is, honestly, my favorite class right now.  I am fine with busy work and I like that there's a lot of points on the table so that if I screw something up (like I may or may not have done in one of my other classes) it isn't going to completely decimate my grade. (Ok to be fair, in my other class it was just a B grade on a paper.) Since this is my first time in grad school, I have no idea if this class is normal (I'm getting the impression it isn't) or not.  I can't be the only one who appreciates a lot of opportunity to do well, can I?

Dream wedding

I was thinking today about if I ever got married how fun it would be to get married on April fool's day.  If I did that, I think everyone should have to wear top hats. All the guests that is. I think I'd use a copy of The Fool tarot card for place cards.  And I think it would be just tea and cakes. (Gluten free cakes of course).  I don't like tea though so I'm not sure what I would drink. And there'd be dancing. I don't really dance but I think there should always be dancing at weddings. But no rap music. I don't like rap music. Oh and it will be outside. In a garden. With blooming flowers (hopefully but if not that's okay). Now to find the man. :)  

Only Prank I'll Ever Do

Once upon a time I played an April Fool's Prank. I am not usually successful at these. I am uncomfortable with them. I'm not that creative about them. However THIS prank was the best prank ever. :) And it is the 6th anniversary.

Rays attacking me!

I blame a recent Amazing Race episode for the dream I had last night. I dreamt that I was swimming in a giant aquarium and sometimes on land.  At first the manta ray was just gliding peacefully around the bottom of the tank and there were sharks too. (Seriously, this was a challenge on The Amazing Race which looked kick ass) but then I floundered around a bit and caught the ray's attention and it decided to attack me.  It could change its size at will. AND It could fly out in the sky so it didn't matter that I kept getting out of the water. Here's the really interesting part to me according to dreammoods.com.

Manta Ray: To dream that you or someone is attacked by a school of manta rays, indicates that emotions that have been suppressed into your unconscious are becoming too overwhelming to keep inside any longer.

That's not at all disturbing.

Homesick

Sometimes I get 'homesick' for Seattle.  Since Michelle has been in Texas twice in the last two months, it has reminded me of, among other things, I have no friends here yet.  And while, in general, I'm not the friendliest of people, I do sometimes get lonely for company that isn't just me and the cat.  I was playing on the Kinect on Sunday and I couldn't help but think how much more fun it would have been if I were playing with someone.  (Or maybe not since I was making a fool of myself running in place and jumping.)  I haven't found good Indian food here yet.  Or good Thai. Or good gluten-free pizza. I hate my job. I honestly feel like I'm floundering sometimes and I dream of going back to Seattle.  But the job I had there is no more, and even if it was there I don't think I want to work for that boss or that other boss any longer. It would be nice to have my friends here.  I miss Seattle's electricity. it was way cheaper there.

The good things about here:  Closer to my sister. Swimming pool at my apartment. Cheaper rent. Own a car. Have a cat. (I could have done that in seattle I know). Six flags. lower cost of everything except electricity. HUGE apartment.  HUGE BEAUTIFUL apartment. Cheaper than Seattle's was. Housekeeper, dishwasher, washer/dryer in unit. Seriously, people, those are beautiful things.

Unrelated to all this mumbling about being home sick, I have to find ways to cut expenses.  I think after Sunday night's Big Love I'm cutting fancy cable. There's nothing ever on it I want to watch. It is pointless. I have netflix and a blockbuster card. I'll get it back when True Blood returns in the summer. :)

Hedging my luck

I bought 4 lottery tickets tonight.  Two for Lotto and two for Megamillions. My fingers are crossed. (I know I know I know) In order to encourage my luck, I used my last dollar to buy an MDA shamrock. That's good deed right? So that means I should win right?

One of the harder things about moving to a new place (besides having to make new friends, don't even ask me about that at all) is finding new products and brands. I have lived on the west coast for so long the only brand of cheese I like is tilamook.  I love tilamook cheese.  It is very very difficult to find it here for some reason.  (You know not being on the west coast and all that).  However I've found something that makes me just as happy (or maybe happier)... Cabot cheese is available here! I first had Cabot cheese in Vermont visiting Katie girl (Hi Katiegirl!).  I do love me some Cabot cheese and even better it is "president's choice" (the generic Kroger brand). Yay! That's a happy thing to find.

I know you have opinions.

For my birthday my mom is sending me money for a new bed. I may be going to my nemesis, who didn't hire me, big discount department store.  Here are the ones I've found so far that I've liked.

 Found at overstock.com.  I would have looked at more of theirs online but their website started downloading a virus so I had to close the window.

 I THINK this is my favorite one. Although I'd really like to see it in person so that I can feel the texture of the bed. Can be bought at nemesis didn't hire me store.

 Also found at nemesis didn't hire me store.  I like the metal/wood combo.

 I like how it is curvy like a spider web or a giant dream catcher. (Also from nemesis store)

I like the simple straight forwardness of this one.

Current furniture in the bedroom are a white bookshelf, a white dresser with black knobs and a white desk and 1 wooden bookshelf cherry color.  I love the white dresser so I probably won't change that anytime soon. 

WWJD

What would Joanne do? :)

We had a conversation in class the other night about ethics and information professionals. The prof said that there is some indication that Timothy McVeigh (OKC Bombing) consulted a librarian about bomb building.  She asked would we give that out.  I was the only one in class to say no. And my statement was more along the lines of I couldn't live with myself if I found out information I gave out had caused the deaths of people in that fashion.  A couple people went down the "slippery slope" route... if you don't give out "how to make a bomb" where does it stop.  We shouldn't judge what people would like to know. Blah blah blah. The ALA believes that we should provide information without judging the information being requested but there's one guy we read about who agrees with my way of thinking. You have to consider society. Someone else pointed out (or maybe it was slippery slope girl) that it would be like pharmacists refusing to give out the morning after pill.  I quickly pointed out that a - pharmacists have a binding professional oath as opposed to librarians who have a voluntary oath and b - many many places have upheld that pharmacists can refuse to provide the morning after pill. (And physician's don't all have to provide abortions if they do not choose to.) Anyway, apparently I'm a dissenter in my class.

Stupid Human Tricks

I was speaking to a coworker the other day about something I had seen on my boss's desk. She asked me if I was in there snooping around and I said no, she was babbling at me and I read it upside down on her desk.  She seemed surprised I could completely and totally read upside down. I had never thought about it. I've been able to do it as long as I can remember.  She challenged me and I totally read her job ad upside down.  I think it may be related to my left handedness. Is this a weird skill?

I have almost twice as many tweets as I do blog posts

But that's totally not what this post is about. :)

Weekly I go and volunteer at a local domestic violence shelter.  I work with the kiddos while their moms are in counseling.  (By work with I mean baby sit, not anything exact or psychological or anything like that). (But that's not what this post is about either) (Although recently there was a little girl there who had the most startling eyes.  One was brown, deep brown so dark you could barely see the iris and the other was this brilliant cobalt blue. It was striking and if/when her unibrow gets controlled I'm sure she'll be stunning (she's only little right now). 

Anyway, every time I go and come back I drive past this church that is called Hope.  I like the name of that. Every time I drive past on the way home I think, hmm... I wonder if the doors are open in the evening (well night really).  I can't figure out what kind of church it is. I think I just like the name Hope. It makes me think about joining.  Seriously, Texas is sucking me in. Or maybe just the reality that I'm not happy with several aspects of my life and maybe something like an organized community group to join would help. When I was in Alaska I used to ask my churchgoing friends why they believed in god. Some didn't know how to respond.  Several indicated that that's what their parents did so that's what they did. My favorite answer was from my roommate of the time (not Kate) who said it just made her feel better and more centered. I would like to feel more centered. Yoga just doesn't do it for me. My mind wanders. I feel stupid and uncoordinated and especially fat. Meditation makes me antsy. (Again my mind wanders and it makes me twitchy). Now that I'm in school, homework is taking over my weekends. I'm looking for something. I just don't know where to find it.

Things to say

This morning while I was hanging out waiting to get dressed to go on my interview, my neighbor came by to let me know that she thought Sam had escaped.  She had seen him on her fence.  It wasn't Sam. It was Sam's twin. He is a stray that the apartment people have tried ot have animal control catch but haven't been able to. They seem fascinated with each other.  Sam, who already loves to sit on the balcony, will stare at the other cat for hours. Apparently the other cat is also interested in being Sam's friend if he was on the balcony trying to come up to visit. Weird.

I need a pair of some heeled boots/shoes that are black.  My suit pants are too long and usually I wear a pair of peep-toe pumps with them but it is 17 degrees and slushy outside and that just wasn't going to work.  So I wore my suit with my black Doc Martens which means my pants dragged on the slushy ground like I'm some sort of teenager. Time to go to the Dry Cleaners.

I went on a job interview and had a talk with a recruiter at an agency today.  The recruiter has 2 positions open.  One I'm not interested in at all since it is for another health care group and I'm not having it again.  The other, she says, is for a place that she has heard good things about from the other people who have been placed there.  The downer for that one... salary lower than what I earn now.  Now, to be fair I pay a lot for benefits so if their benefits are better/more covered that might be okay.  The problem is, I can't really find a lot of time to interview for a lot of jobs.  Don't even get me started on my boss and time issues.  The other place was a manufacturer of heating & cooling units. I interviewed with the recruiter, the person who would be my boss and I was supposed to interview with the person who has the position now and one other person, but they had left early. That reassured me since I think I don't believe in not meeting the rest of the team for a job. We'll see. I think I might like it there.  Their hand outs are certainly impressive. :)  If this one doesn't work out I may take a little break. Stock up some more time so that I have time to interview. :)

Unintended Consequences

With the loss of almost 20 lbs and getting down below weight "y", two things have occurred that have unsettled me.  (Both of which are probably TMI so you're forewarned)

1. My periods have returned.  I've had more periods in the last 3 months than I have in the last year.  I know it is better for me.  I know this is probably a good thing, but I don't have to like it.  I mean really, two periods a year is a pretty good thing. It is also weird to me since I haven't had regular ones since I lived in California.  That was a LONG time ago (I moved in 2002) and I'm pretty sure I haven't been over weight "y" that entire time.

2. If my measurements are correct (which they might not be I'm kind of dumb about that) I've only lost 1 inch in my waist and like 1 inch in my chest and yet like 4 - 5 inches in my b00bs.  This is a problem because while my hair is still in an annoying stage, my chest is pretty much the only thing I like on my body.  (Yes I recognize that's bad.)

It is almost enough to make me gain it back. ALMOST. :)  But since I want to sky dive and scuba dive I'll keep going, even though this past week's food consumption has not supported that view. (I gained 1/2 a lb when I weighed myself the other day, but I can probably chalk that up to period since it started the next day).

Sometimes I hate People

The grocery store is one of those places where you really realize how stupid/annoying/whatever people can be. First I went to wal-mart because I think some of the staples (tp and cat litter) are going to be cheaper there than elsewhere.  Now I admit I'm an idiot for going to Wal-Mart at 11:30 on a Saturday. In that respect I deserve what I get.  Even though in general I LOVE self-check out, somehow Wal-Mart's self check out is always a FAIL for me so I don't use it. (Related, I may finally have found a toy Sam likes to play with.  He's been attacking it much of the evening.) I was in the 20 items or less line.  (Shouldn't that be fewer?)  (According to wikipedia, it totally should be).  There was another 20 items or fewer line next to me that was moving much more slowly than mine.  This woman in that line had a full shopping cart.  She kept glaring over at me because the lines were kind of undefined and so I got directly behind one person to get in the quicker line. I wanted to say "look lady, I'm weirdly anal about this and I have 11 items whereas you clearly have well over 20 so get your knickers out of a knot."  I did not though.

So then I move on to another chain grocery store.  I was looking for some produce and a few of those seasoning mixes and a couple other things I couldn't get at Wal-Mart. I pick up my cucumbers, some clementines, chocolate chips (because I'm making GF fruit pies with cherry and chocolate chips, sounds good, no?), and a few other things.  They don't have my seasoning packages but that's okay.  (related, I know you use "Oriental" for things and items like "Oriental" rugs, but I'm still vaguely uncomfortable that that's the label they use for the Asian food section.) I see there are 2 regular lanes open with HUGE lines and the self check out is open.  Wow, one is even totally open. I go and start scanning and then realize nope, someone is in the midst of shopping and apparently has stepped away.  Not acceptable.  So I get in line behind a woman with three candy bars. This should be quick.  Nope. One of the candies is not part of the 2/something deal so she takes it back, leaving the register open but in use.  Then she picks up several other things while she's away and then she can't figure out how to check out.  So I try one other lane but it won't scan my cans and so I give up and put all my stuff back. I can only tolerate the ridiculousness for so long before I wanted to kick someone. I then went across the street to the other grocery store that I like better anyway and got EVERYTHING I wanted and there was no waiting at self-check out and there was no idiots who had wandered off mid-way through checking out.  So all was right with the world. :)

Goals for 2011

As I've long established I don't do resolutions.  I just have goals.  Things I'd like to accomplish.  I didn't make any goals in 2009 for 2010 apparently.  I did find goals in 2008 but those fell by the wayside. So trying again:

1 - I want to get out more.  Maybe do more meet-ups.  It's been 8 months and I still have nobody to hang out with and although I've dated more since moving to Texas than I have in the last 2 years of living in Seattle, I'm not interested in the minotaur so I'll not do that again.

2 - Get a new job.  I hate my current job.

3 - Keep working on paying off debt.  I've been trying to pay more on my cards than min payment and all that but I've gotten a little bad over the holidays.  Sadly I know where my tax refund will be going this year. (Well not sadly this is good and what is necessary.)

4 - Do well in grad school.  I am a slacker at heart.And a lot of this will be online/virtual class. I'd like to do well this time.  (I didn't do horribly in college.  I had like a 3.2 GPA but it would be cool to graduate with honors or something like that). 

5 - Lose more weight.  I've lost about 20 lbs so far.  I can pull all of my pants down without undoing them.  Before I buy  new pants I want to lose more weight so I can go down 2 pants sizes and not 1.  I was doing well about exercising before so I'm hoping to get back into that. If I get the job in Plano I want between that commute and the commute to the college it will get much harder to eat well and be careful about calories.

So there we go.  5 goals.  They seem doable.

Truthiness Day 5

Something I hope to do in life:

I hope to acquire kids. And I hope to get married. And I hope to live in Ireland. I'm not sure if they are mutually exclusive. And I hope to go to China and see the Great Wall. And I hope to get a job I love. That's a lot of somethings I hope to do. :)

Twas the weekend before Christmas

My family all came to visit.  We survived.  Well, not all... the older niece and nephew weren't here.  I think this year may have been the last one I buy them any presents for Christmas.  I never get one from them nor do I ever hear from them. 

With the exception of the massive hospitalization of my mother, the weekend was pretty fun.  Mandy, Kayla and I got to go ziplining like we wanted to.  It was really fun!  Not too scary.  Although I kept flipping around backwards on the line which scared me a little bit since I couldn't see where I needed to start the stop procedure.  (Well and to stop you need to have your feet facing forward to land on the platform)

We went to ICE at the Gaylord Texas.  It was awesome.  It was so neat.  They bring in some insane quantity of ice and they have Chinese artists carve it into various sculptures.  This year's theme was Charlie Brown's Christmas.  It was so beautiful.  (Well and cold!)

After that we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner.  That was a nice treat.  All in all it was a pretty good trip (hospitalization aside).

Confessions from the still sleepy

My mom went to the ER last night and got admitted to the hospital. She'll be out today. It was dumb. On friday she brought her cat, Max, over to the apartment and Sam did not respond well.  In fact he cornered Max in the bedroom and was hissing and yowling and growling at him.  There are certain noises that when an animal is making that noise you don't touch it. She did and Sam bit her.  She bled a lot. And over the course of yesterday her hand swelled up with infection.  And then it started running down her arm.  So we went to the ER.  We got sent to another hospital. (She via ambulance) and finally at around 1 AM they admitted her and we got to go home. We'll pick her up today.

I did it!

I stepped on the scale this morning to see how much damage I did with my bad eating last week/over the weekend. And what to my wonderous eyes did appear... a weight lower than weight Y!  I had to look twice to be sure but there it was... a pound and a half lower than I needed it to be!  Yippee!