Friday, July 11, 2008

On the right track?

Or just reading too many adoption books. The one I've been reading recently, The Post Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforseen Challenges of Adoption is really good, but it is also really intimidating. I know it is doing its job, normalizing some of the feelings that people have after adoption. I also know they are not looking to scare anyone off but to offer a realistic picture of what can happen and what is to come. It's terrifying. :) I believe I have a pretty realistic view. I know things won't be all sunshine and roses, but damn... it is intimidating to say the least. I'm reading through this book going I thought I thought about all this but maybe I haven't. Maybe I'm supposed to be more panicked about it.

Anyway... I had a dream last night that I adopted four (or at some point it became 5 or 6) daughters all at once. In my dream I was at the DSHS type office (basically a drab looking cube farm like you see on TV maybe like the one from Dead Like Me) and they bring out these 4 random girls and drive us all to our 'new' home. It was thundering and lightning outside and pretty late so we all just went into the house and we all found rooms to sleep in and we went to bed. In the morning I started searching the house for where the girls fell asleep (since apparently settling them into rooms was not a priority for me). Two had fallen asleep in the master bedroom which had black laquered furniture like Michelle & I had when we lived in the apartment in Little Beirut. They had just woken up and were jumping on the bed holding hands. (They were maybe 4 and similar to the little girls I saw walking at the mall in that one was African American and one was white and blonde). I kept searching the house and found several more girls in different rooms. I finally found a room I would get to sleep in since the other two girls took what would be "my" room. I gathered all the girls (and here's where their number multiplied) and we went into the kitchen to cook our first breakfast as a family. And then I saw a roach. And then there were several others and we were jumping on chairs and tables and screaming (which in real life I am totally inclined to do) and I was trying to call DSHS to find out what kind of house they gave us because really... roaches! And then I woke up. I think the horror of the roaches did me in (either that or Rigby walking around my body in a clockwise motion did it).

Children: To see children in your dream, signifies your own childlike qualities or a retreat back to a childlike state. It is an extension of your inner child during a time of innocence, purity, simplicity, and a carefree attitude. You may be longing for the past and the chance to satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes. Take some time off and cater to the inner child within.
To save a child, signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed. (This one interested me because depending on your definition of save, I saved the girls.)

Adopted: To dream that you or others are adopting a child, indicates that you are taking on something new and different. Ask yourself what is missing in your life that would make you happy.

Storm: To see a storm in your dream, signifies overwhelming struggle, shock, devastating loss and catastrophe in your personal affairs. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm signifies the rising of spirit within.
To dream that you take cover in a storm, foretells that whatever disturbance or problems is occurring in your life will quickly blow over. Consider also the phrase "weather the storm", which suggests your ability and strength to withstand whatever comes. (I definitely think the home was cover from the storm.)

Cockroach: To see a cockroach in your dream, signifies your need for renewal, rejuvenation and self-cleansing of your psychological, emotional, or spiritual being. You need to reevaluate major aspects of your life. (Totally unrelated but I hate the word cockroach. I much prefer to just call them roaches. It obviously is a c0ck thing.)

Bedroom: To dream that you are in the bedroom, signifies aspects of your self that you keep private. It is also indicative of your sexual nature and intimate relations. (Interesting, I was outside the bedrooms, I wonder what THAT means.) :)

Alternately Rooms: To dream that you find or discover new rooms, suggests that you are developing new strengths and taking on new roles. You may be growing emotionally. (I think that one makes more sense.)

Kitchen: To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for warmth and spiritual nourishment. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother. Alternatively the kitchen, represents a transformation. (Also interesting... )

Only sort of related, but not to that dream last night, I frequently have a dream where I'm in a bathroom with no stalls and have to pee in public but I can't because I'm too embarrassed. Who knew that had a meaning: To dream that you are in a public restroom with no stalls, signifies your frustrations about getting enough privacy. It may also indicate that you are having difficulties letting go of old emotions. If you reveal these feelings, you are afraid that others around you will judge and criticize you.

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