Tears running down my face

My coworker and I were talking about Girl Scout camp the other day. She, like me, was a camp counselor. She sang a song that I had never heard that was the most hysterical Girl Scout Song I'd ever heard. It was about the Titanic. The chorus goes like this:

Oh it was sad, so sad
It was sad, too bad.
It was sad when the great ship went down.
To the bottom of the husbands and wives, little children lost their lives.
It was sad when the great ship went down.
Down to the bottom of the sea
blub blub blub

I could not stop laughing. What kind of psycho thought this was a song appropriate for girls to sing? What kind of freak wrote the song to begin with? Clearly the song has fallen out of fashion.

I joined a committee at work. Officially it is called the activties committee, but secretly I call it the party planning committee. I'm on it with a woman who honestly looks like Angela from The Office... down to the old fashioned shirts. We're doing free nachos next week for cinco de mayo. We also do the Christms party and a birthday thing once a month.

I'm almost moved in. (and by almost I mean probably not as moved in as I think I am). I have to finish by this weekend though because I have a housekeeper coming in on Wednesday before I drive to Arizona.

Settling in

So all my stuff arrived on Monday. I've been slowly unpacking, but I do hope to be done over the weekend. I want my table set up. I want to find the rest of my pots. :) I was thrilled Thursday when I found my capri pants. It's already pretty warm here. I'm doing pretty well though. I've got a lot to get rid of again. I really need to go through the boxes from the storage unit.

I decided to paint my ancient Ikea bed white to match my dresser. I started that today. I think once the 2nd coat gets on there it'll look awesome. Unfortunately I'm not sure where the parts to put my bed back together ended up when I moved. I took my bed apart instead of letting the movers do it and now I don't know where that ziploc baggie went. I gave it to them. That's all I know. Worse comes to worse I can go to the hardware store with one of the bolts from the headboard and ask them to match the size. Although since it is Ikea, it is probably some random weird size.

My new job is going really well. It is quite the challenge. It feels really good to have a boss who believes I know what I'm talking about. Although there's a teeny tiny part of me that worries that the brokers don't think I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I feel like I'm asking questions I should know. But they're scared of me so I'm not too worried. :) (Brokers are always worried when a new person starts... they may want to change brokers)

Good day!

I bought a car today. I've enver purchased my own car all by myself before. With Ben, the bronco, my parents went with me and actually paid for it. This time I found it (heh, Lyday actually found it online), test drove it and did all the paperwork for the loan. It's a little intimidating if I consider just how much money I've spent in the past 2 weeks so far. I haven't spent this much money in a LONG time. So the new car is a silver Scion xB. I've been considering one for awhile and I wanted an automatic that was NOT black. (There seem to be a lot of black ones for sale around here but I grew up in AZ, the thought of owning a black car in a place this hot makes me nauseus.) She doesn't have a name yet but hopefully soon something will come to me. :)

My sofa also arrived today so my living room almost looks like a normal person's living room. Theoretically my boxes arrive next week by Thursday. I'm not sure where they're going to put them all. But I can't wait. I want other clothes than what I have with me. And I want to boil potatoes so I can make mashed potatoes. And and and... :)

Good, Better, Best

The Good: My sofa is getting delivered tomorrow. It was supposed to take 3 weeks to come. They're delivering it between 1 & 3. I will no longer have to sit on the camping chair I bought at Big Lots last week. So exciting.

Better: I think I'm buying a car tomorrow. I've never bought a car on my own before. My mother has suggested I bargain. I don't do that. It just seems like a pain in the ass. It is a silver scion. I think I shall name her... Hmm I don't know what to name her.

The Best: Michelle and K is coming to visit! I'm so excited about that. They're coming the weekend before memorial day. We will swim and go downtown to Fort Worth to watch a cattle drive. While we're down there I may see if Michelle wants to ride a train. I know K likes them and there's some festival that weekend downtown that has a train ride available.

More shopping

I went to Wal Mart today to return some things. I ended up spending a lot more. :)

I bought a new lamp. I'm tired of sitting in the dark. It is a simple black floor lamp and it was $12.00 I'm not breaking the bank with it. I also gave up and bought 2 plates, 2 forks and 2 bowls. I'm tired of using paper and plastic all the time. (And worse, washing the damn plastic forks). I have no idea where my stuff is at this point, but I've probably guarnateed it will arrive on Tuesday. (It won't actually. On Thursday it hadn't even left WA yet I don't think... or maybe CA.)

I bought 3 new plants today. Two look like they're on the brink of death. We'll see if I can rescue them. The other is a Christmas Cactus and just needs some water to perk up. (hmm... a Christmas cactus is not a true cactus. I never knew that)

I'm starting to settle in, well as much as I can. I baked cornbread this morning which I put in a bunch of pepper jack cheese. It tasted awesome. :) \

I'm surrounded by "super" stores. I have decided I don't like them. I was telling Lyday yesterday that I feel like they don't give you enough variety. It's like they mash up 2 stores into one space that is not the equivalent of 2 stores but MAYBE 1.5 stores tops. I think that means they don't have enough variety. Although I've never thought that about the Fred Meyer in Fairbanks.

One thing I'm working on is finding new GF stores and suppliers. I've found a few things at Wal Mart and at one of the two different grocery stores nearby, but nothing as much as I used to be able to find in Seattle. Of course, I haven't looked for a Whole Foods or a health food store. I was actually fairly shocked I found what I found at Wal Mart. I found pasta and mixes and a few other things. No bagels though. :(

Some things

There's a part of me that kind of loves my apartment right now. There's almost nothing in it. I have a coffee table, and washer and dryer and a dresser brought by my dad and nephew last week. They also brought me a kitchen aid mixer that I originally told my mom I didn't want, but for a change I'm glad she ignored me. She also sent a little pan so I have that to cook on. I bought myself a new TV when I realized it might actually be 2 weeks before my stuff gets here and I have a new bed. I got rid of my mattress in Seattle because it was over 12 years old, from Ikea and $200 when I got it and had a big sag in the middle. Obviously not quality. So although in a weird way I kind of like this minimalist life, I dislike that I'm sitting/laying whatever on the floor all the time. The living room does not have any light so I leave the kitchen/dining space light on all the time. Sometimes, though, (like when I'm poking around behind the TV) I have to use a flashlight. I think it is also helping to keep me from feeling truly settled.

I keep buying little things. Today I bought a baking pan so I could bake a cake. Two days ago I bought some spoons. I've been using paper plates and plasticware. Since this was a "celebration" model apartment, they left me 4 cups in the fridge. Oh and I bought a new rice cooker.

I AM about to run out of money, though, so no more shopping until payday. Sadly, for me payday isn't until the 23rd. Sigh. (hee, when I set up my labels, I set my home one to be "home home on the range"... that's kind of funny given my new home)

1 Week almost down, who knows how many to go...

So I've survived most of the week. My first thoughts are:

1 - In the future I will not live to the west of my job, I'm always driving into the sun and it is blinding.

2 - I'm shopping like a fiend. I think I might be sublimating my loneliness with my master card. (And by master card I mean debit card)

3 - I can't decide how I feel about living here. I think I'm still not 100% convinced I live here. Even though I drive to and from work each day it is still kind of surreal. Probably once my stuff shows up I'll feel more settled. Now it is just more like I'm staying in a hotel.

4 - I think I like my job. I didn't realize that I am basically #2 in the office. And they have some weird rules. I learned tonight that my coworkers have to leave when the managers leave. I packed up my crap and was about to leave when one of them said something about just finishing one more thing and the other said that they had to leave if I left. It was fine. I dawdled (is that how you spell that?) so that they weren't rushed.

5 - I need to buy a sofa. I'm sick of sitting on the floor. (Also, my hips are sick of me sitting on the floor).

That's all for now.

A Hippie Chick arrives in Dallas

I made it to Dallas in one piece and relatively unscathed. Spent most of yesterday afternoon settling into the apartment and helping the nephew and my dad bring in some things for me. I now have a washer and a dryer of my own. Whee. (And in the great tradition of doing laundry on Sunday mornings, there is a load in both the washer and the dryer right now. :) )

My apartment is GLORIOUS. I'm really excited to be here. The bedroom is HUGE. My tiny air mattress and the small dresser I asked for from my folks look like children's furniture. I have a nice little balcony. I'm going to get a chair at some point and put it out there so I can sit on the balcony and read. I think I'm going to try my hand at container gardening again. I liked doing that in CA.

I slept terribly last night though. The air mattress is NOT comfortable and it needed more air sometime in the night. BUT when I get a real bed it will be much better. I also got surprisingly cold last night. I think partially it is due to the air mattress so if the Super Walmart is open today I'm going to head there and get an extra blanket. :)

I haven't quite figured out how I feel about all this. It is still kind of surreal. People are freakishly friendly here, though. Like beyond anything I'm used to. My leasing person hugged me for goodness sake. I don't hug people. I also met my downstairs neighbor and a woman who lives in a nearby building. My sister ordered me flowers (isn't that awesome!) and the across the building neighbor received them for me.

There are definitely aspects of TX that remind me of Arizona. There are doves cooing (is that what doves do?) outside and I remember them from growing up in AZ. We'll see. With any luck I've got a long time to figure it out. :) One thing I did see that made me think that I wasn't in Kansas anymore... a bumper sticker on a truck "Visualize no Liberals" I'm sure that will go nicely with my equal rights bumper sticker and whatever else I put on my hatchback.

Burning the candle at both ends

I woke up this morning and my first thought was not WTF am I doing up at 4:45? It was "I hate the phrase meet-cute." I don't know why I hate it, but I really do.

Despite going to bed last night at midnight I purposefully woke up this morning at 5 to capitalize on my morningpersonness. I finished some pots in the kitchen and boxed them up. I've realized I'm at that space where I just want shit in boxes and I don't care if things get broken in the move. I should care. I'm not independently wealthy.

My eyeballs are like sand. They burn the flesh. I've been rubbing them like a toddler an hour past her naptime. I think it is allergies.

I finally found my netflix dvd that I've had out since...November. That's right... november. I could have bought this DVD 4 times over with that. I'm going to watch it at lunch time today and then suspend my account for 1 month and mail it back. (Awesome. Holding the acct on netflix is totally easy!)

Today I'm going to pack up my office. This will allow me to just have a box already ready and sealed so I don't have to repack this stuff when I get home.

Holy crap, if I find any more arts & crap supplies or girl scout stuff while moving my head may explode. Just fair warning.

My White Whale

So in the course of packing I've discovered the room I thought was going to be the easiest, my bedroom, is turning out to be the biggest pain in the ass. First of all there's no space. I have to put the boxes on my bed because there's no room at the foot of it for boxes. Apparently I've also taken to just dumping stuff in the bedroom. It's the first room as I walk in the door and about 99% of the time I walk in and immediately have to pee. It doesn't matter if I'm coming home from work, from dinner, from an evening out, the movies... whatever. 99% of the time I walk in the door, throw off my coat, backpack and anything I'm carrying on the bed and then go to the bathroom. My bedroom has become sort of a catch all for everything... old mail, dry goods, bathroom stuff, etc. It is ridiculous.

I have to begin making lists. I'm not a list person naturally, but there's a lot of shit that has to be dealt with for my move... like my cable box... if I sign up for comcast in Dallas can I just bring this one? Do I have to return it to them... and on and on and on. I don't think I have time for this.

Tonight's my last scout meeting. I have mixed emotions on this. On the one hand, of course I'm sad. I love these girls. I've been with many of them for YEARS. I will miss them terribly. On the other... I'm tired. I've been burnt out for the past few years and I know the troop has suffered as a result. I will consider doing it again after Michelle & Bryan move with K & O. If Michelle is interested in having the girls in scouts I'll consider doing it again... or not. :)

April 5th.

I start my fancypants new job on April 5th. I end my current job on April 1. I'm probably going to fly to Dallas on April 3rd. Eek. This is very soon. I might die of soonness. :)

I have sent in my application and fees for a new apartment in Ft. Worth. It is about 8 miles from my new job. I'm pretty excited about the place. It is gorgeous. It has a pool and a dishwasher and a walk in closet and a balcony. I'm getting a corner unit. It doesn't have a washer/dryer in the unit, but there are hookups for one and my crazy mother has one in her garage for me. I can park my car and not pay $100/mo to do so. It has a fire place. And the one they are holding for me is a corner unit! Below is a sample floor plan for it. Isn't it cute?



I'm being stubborn. My mother has offered me her car, a Nissan something or other from some time in 2000. I don't want it. I've driven it before. I didn't like driving it. It would be free for me though. but I really want to buy my own. I want to pick out my own cute little hatchback and pay for it and negotiate for it and all that jazz.

It's all done but the details...

I submitted my letter of resignation today. I'd already verbally resigned, they just needed the letter for my file. I also submitted my intent to vacate to my apartment people. Now I just need to pack. Ugh.

I hope I have found an apartment. The place is beautiful and has good ratings from an apartment ratings website I found. The costs are more expensive than move.com posted but still cheaper than my current rent for a 2 bedroom. Although maybe in the interest of saving money and paying down debt I should just go with a 1 bedroom. The 1 bedrooms they have are even cheaper (obviously they're only 1 bedroom. :P ) Ugh. This indecisiveness is annoying me. I like the idea of having a 2nd bedroom to put like my sewing machine and for when guests visit. The cost difference is only 120/mo (2160/yr).

The Pros and Cons

I've been offered the job in Dallas. They called an hour (ish) after I left from my interview. I don't even know if they called my references. I think she already knew I was the one she wanted but just needed to meet me in person to finalize. I just emailed my potential new boss with a few questions about vacation, retirement and holidays. The holidays thing because the casino bragged about how they gave you 9 personal holidays but only 1 week of vacation. It sounds good (because that is more than 2 weeks vacay) until you realize that they do not give you time off for ANY holiday. Had I stayed I would have been expected to work Christmas and Thanksgiving, day after Thanksgiving etc. That would have sucked balls.

So the pros of moving to Dallas:
1 - It is on the approved list (although in all honesty Michelle had to convince me of Texas to begin with and then Dallas was not approved until desperation set in)
2 - It is much less expensive to live there than it is here. I can rent a 2 bedroom apt near my work for less than I pay in rent for my barely 1 bedroom now.
3 - I think it would be a really interesting and challenging job. I would be the sole benefits person eventually teaching the HR asst benefits as well.
4 - I'll get to work on implementation of a completely new software for benefits & hr. That's exciting.
5 - PM is interested in Texas and hopefully would be moving there too in a couple years.
6 - My sister is really excited to have me move nearer to where she is. And it would be nice to live near her.
7 - I could eventually buy a kickass house for pennies. (Seriously, on move.com today and there are some really nice houses (to my eyes at least) for 100k or less. The one I saw for 280 was like a palace. Appeared as nice as the one PM just moved out of, and I'm pretty sure she didn't pay only 280.

Cons:
1 - I will have to move! I know I've wanted to, but it has always been such an abstract thought. Not something that ACTUALLY will happen.
2 - I'll miss my girls.
3 - I'll miss my friends.
4 - I'll have to make new ones. (I'm not so good at that. At All.)
5 - Maybe I wouldn't be good enough for my job.
6 - I'll miss the people I work with now.
7 - There are benefits I will be giving up. I'm pretty sure they don't do a 10% contribution to retirement. They don't have dental. I'm checking on a couple things before I decide.

I don't want to say no just because I'm terrified, but I also don't want to say yes just because I'm desperate.

Terrified

I'm heading out on a plane in a few hours to Phoenix and then to Dallas for a job interview. Hopefully I'll also hit Houston while there, but I haven't confirmed that one yet.

Currently terrifying me:

What if I hate Texas? I mean really HATE Texas? TX is high on the list. What if it is God-awful? The last time I went into TX I was like 11ish and we were driving to Disney on vacation. (Maybe 13ish). All I remember about Texas is that the states were just starting to pass seat belt laws and TX was a seat belt state. It was a hugeass state that took us like 2 days to get through and we had to be in our seats the entire time.

Awkward

This whole job hunting thing feels very awkward to me. There is A LOT of deception around it. While I am not above lying and I firmly believe everyone does so and that in some situations there's nothing wrong with it (honestly future husband, find a tactful way to say that dress makes my ass look huge or say nothing at all but never be "brutally honest"), if your current boss doesn't know you are looking it is all about the deception. My boss thinks I'm going to PM's house to help her move this weekend. Next week when I have to go to Pitt... well luckily I sneezed several times in my meeting this morning so... But I kind of hate the whole thing. Half my coworkers know what's going on. My boss, notboss and one coworker don't. And, as I've said before, 1/2 my coworkers are looking themselves.

If I think about it too hard, this makes me sad. My boss has no idea that 4/8 members of a department are planning on leaving sometime in the nearish future. I know I know he has done some toolish things, but he is still a person.

I'll Believe it When I See it

I tend to not believe things are happening until they are actually happening. I think that's why I've had such a hard time believing a - the job bs IS actually happening and b - I might actually have to move. I haven't been offered a job yet. I've got 2 face to face interviews sometime in the next 2ish weeks. Well... I definitely have one. I have been called on to go to the other one, but I can't decide if I should go. I'm hoping to hear from the oen in Houston this week. I thought that phone screen went really well.

Now, given that I have known about this possibility since April of 2009, you'd think I'd be almost totally ready to move, right? I'm not. I'm not even close. I know what big furniture/stuff I want to get rid of. Beyond that, I'm still out of control. :)

High Hopes

I had a phone interview with a bank in TX today. So far of all the jobs I've interviewed for this is one I'm pretty excited about. I think I would be the only benefits person there which I LOVE. It seems like a small department which I also love. There's growth happening and change happening which is all very exciting. I'll be really disappointed if this one doesn't pan out.

The one I interviewed with Pitt isn't going to happen I don't think. I'm not disappointed about that one predominantly because it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. It is a new role but strictly operational in nature - improving processes, mapping processes, blah blah blah. Not a lot of employee interaction.

The other role was for a medical provider also in Texas. I'd be okay with that one too. It is interesting in that there is a person in the role, but the position is getting upgraded and that is what I would be doing. Could be fun and interesting, but the thought of physicians after faculty members doesn't necessarily thrill me.

I do believe... :)

So my horoscope for today:

Congratulations. What you are about to enjoy is better than Ed McMahon showing up at your door with a giant check. The heavens have arranged an absolutely heavenly - if you'll pardon the pun - array of callers, all of whom will be intent on making you happy. Fortunately, the right one will indeed be among the crowd that is amassing. All you have to do is show up and interview applicants. Tough job.



Seems pretty nice right? I can hope this means job possibility is night. Maybe. :)



I had a bad phone interview with Pittsburgh. That's okay. Once she started talking about the job I realized I didn't think I wanted it. Plus I don't think I wanted to work for that lady.



I had what I think was a good phone screen with a medical group in TX. I should hear from that later this week.



I have another one tomorrow with a bank in TX. And hopefully I'll hear from a place in New England tomorrow. This could finally work out for me. :)

Adjustment

I wonder if Peruvian food is good? That annoying guy from Diners Drive-ins and Dives was at a Peruvian restaurant tonight and it looked good. Sort of related - the Peruvian delegation just went by on the Opening Games. The flag guy lives here. I find it kind of fascinating how many people in the less than winter countries have delegations to the winter Olympics because they lived and trained someplace cold. It is also fascinating how many NHL players are able to play for their various countries. I know in the summer games the basketball players are the same way. Somehow it seems unfair a little bit. (thank heavens for auto-save. I almost lost this entire post. That may not be a bad thing. ;) ) How awful this must be for Georgia. They want to be happy and proud and yet there's such sorrow and tragedy for them. (Am I really blogging about the Olympics? What's wrong with me? I don't like the Olympics and never really watch them.)



This use cash only thing is working out pretty good so far. I slipped last week and used my debit card to buy pizza. I took out my $100 today and I'm down to $25ish for the rest of the week. I know... that's bad, right? That's the whole point of this exercise though. To force me to rein this all in. I did buy $45 worth of groceries so that's a big part of it. Spent 10 on a movie and 16ish on dinner. I'll get better at it. If I don't get a new job before the new boss starts I'm going to have to figure out how to live on less.

I did use it also to order tickets for 2 different events. Next weekend I'm going bowling to support the Human Rights Campaign. Big R wanted to go and I'm down with it. In March I'll go to Gay Bingo again. It should be fun. With any luck it'll be one of the last things I do here for fun.

I have received 4 calls on possible jobs in this past week. After months of hearing nothing, I'm really stoked about that. My coworker told me about indeed.com. It is a crawler of some sort so it pulls jobs from all sorts of sites that you may not think of. (If you're interested in the search part put in title:(job title you want) ) Three out of 4 jobs I've gotten calls from I found using indeed. One of those jobs... (KATE in VT pay attention!) is for a large college hospital in New Hampshire. I know New Hampshire isn't on Michelle's list, but I really liked the VT, NH area. (Nelly Furtado is from Canada?) (Also this song's lyrics are rather cheesy aren't they?) I like that I could live a small town life like I think I want to. Plus, New Hampshire doesn't have state income tax. :) We'll see how it all pans out. I may not get any of them. (Actually Murphy's Law says I'll get offered the worst most lowest paying choice that I would only take out of desperation even though I know that's a bad idea). (NO Positivity! I will get offered the best one and it will pay handsomely and I will live happily ever after!)

At the moment it is a good time to be me. (That's subject to change at any moment so I shouldn't get too cocky about it.) :)

Hmm... not what I had in mind.

So this new money thing I'm trying... I took out my $100 on Sunday. I have $15 in my pocket until next Sunday. Now, I did use $35 on my water aerobics class for the next 8 weeks and that's a one time charge. But still... oh and I owe $8 to Lyndsy. I may not make it this week on only $100. :) (But, luckily, I'll be paid for some focus group study on Wednesday so I'll have a random $200. :P )