Because I'm pissy

I'm going to slam on Netflix and search engines. (And maybe blogger for continuing to add a random space at the top of this post even though I keep deleting it!)

So I have netflix and one of the reasons I wanted an xbox was so that I could watch movies instantly through netflix.  This would be fine and dandy (and to be fair I've watched a lot of tv shows via netflix which I enjoy) except the movies that are released don't get to "watch instantly status for fucking ever.  Black Swan, released in March - not on Watch Instantly.  Love and Other Drugs - released March 1, not on Watch Instantly yet. Takers - released in January is being advertised as a "new Arrival." (I have no interest in Takers, I'm making a point)   Are you freaking kidding me?  I can walk up to Redbox and get I am Number 4 (which i want to see) and get it tonight (except that means putting on clothes and driving to the store see how lazy trumps self righteous indignation).  AND they've changed their policy so that I can't even click on get the disk (to get it mailed to me) because they're trying to force us to use the "watch instantly" feature.  I would if they had what I wanted to watch dammit!

Unrelated to Netflix, when I play my exercise game on xbox it just shows me as my shape but in red (heat sensor actually) and it cracked me up when the cat walked around my legs, as he is wont to do when I don't want him there, and the scanner picked up his shape.

What else was I going to be pissy about... oh I typed in www.blogger.com into my toolbar.  This is a legitimate site that I've used a number of times (obviously) and yet somehow yahoo search decided I did something wrong and it came up as a search result.  That also annoyed me.

Oh back on netflix... I hate how 99% of their "New arrivals: Movies" are not new arrivals at all.  Well MAYBE they are movies that are newly released (and obviously not NEWLY released since one of their "new arrivals" is from January) on DVD.  I want a list of real new releases not stupid shit like white chicks and dane cook and a bunch of movies nobody has ever heard of.  This forces me to go to another website to see if I can actually find a list of new releases (strangely difficult actually thanks to televisionwithoutpity I can actually find a list because each week they do a blog about what's new on DVD) and then search for whatever movie I want to see.  They're just pissing me off tonight.

Introvert is not a 4 letter word

I got turned down for a job today.  One that I think I actually wanted. It had a lot of potential to be interesting and different than what I do since it had generalist roles incorporated into the benefits roles. The few people I met seemed super nice.  The company is in the process of "turning HR around" from being unapproachable and mean to open and fun. They said all the right things and I thought, well I didn't necessarily think I said all the right things but one of my interview failings is that I don't try to hide who I really am.  I answer the questions asked essentially the same way I would answer them if Michelle were asking me the question.  Well according to the recruiter I was working with I knocked it out of the park. I reassured her on the 401(k) stuff. I answered everything right... until.  When asked the question "how do you unwind or destress" I said something to the effect of "I go home and veg out mostly. Working in HR you have to be "on" all the time and since I'm essentially an introvert I like to spend my after work time relaxing and being quiet."  Something like that.  Apparently they don't want an "introvert."  Keep in mind, I've charmed 4 people in the interview until this point so clearly I have social skills and the ability to talk to people.  I even mentioned that working in HR for the past 11 years, I know what it takes but during my down time I like it to be just me.  I'd feel sad about the loss of this job since I think I did want it, but I find myself so annoyed by this "no introverts" attitude that I'm fine with it.  I am seriously sick of job hunting though. I may have to take a little break.  

Only in Texas

I went on a job interview on Friday and I desperately wanted to take a picture of the bookshelf of one of the men I interviewed with.  On his bookshelf were The Holy Bible, History of God and a book about (or by) George Bush (but I can't recall if it was sr or junior).  It totally made me laugh inside.  The job is different than what I do now.  It would be what I do but also generalist role including employee relations which I'm not that excited about but this would open up my skills and career. (which I know I'm totally changing careers but until a library job opens up that I can find I can still work in HR.)  It is a very small company which would be interesting.  However several people used the phrase "work hard/play hard" which I find cliched and annoying.

I should check mail more often

Tuesday I finally checked my mail.  I usually don't check it often because it is far to the mailboxes and there's nothing I want anyway, usually trash.  But the bag for the letter carrier's food drive was in my box and you may or may not remember that I love to volunteer for and contribute to the letter carrier's food drive.  So I went back to my apartment and found a bunch of canned food and put it in a bag by the door. And then I sat on the sofa.  And then I went to work the next day and while I was at work I thought some more and when I got home I checked the date on the little flyer.  The letter carrier's food drive was LAST weekend.  Oops.

F is for Fun

And that is my goal for the weekend.  I have spent almost every weekend since January working on homework.  Even when I got to go on the "girls weekend" in Austin back in February, I spent at least part of it doing homework. Homework. Homework. HOMEWORK. The word starts to lose all meaning after awhile.  AND I'll be starting up again soon. Sigh.  (Not sigh. I chose this and want this so I am glad to do it).  I'm also wicked stressed from the stupid job I hate so it will be nice to hopefully lose myself in activities this weekend.

Activities for this weekend:
1 - I randomly went and saw Sucker Punch at the dollar theater.  I was driving by on my way home and on a whim pulled in to see what was playing right then.  Sucker Punch, I had wanted to see before, was playing at the right time so that worked out. Not bad for $1.25.  Not sure how I'd feel about it if I paid $7.50 or more.

2 - I am going to 6 Flags on Saturday.  I got another season pass since I think Stephan and I are going when they come in July and I think my sister and I are going to Six Flags in San Antonio Memorial Day.

3 - I want to spend my Kohl's cash this weekend and get a new pair of shoes.  Or a new pair of work pants.

4 - Oh. I'm going to the rodeo Saturday night.  I peeved about how ridiculously difficult it was to buy a ticket online, but I succeeded with the last card I have.  I am hoping that I have fun at it.

5 - I am thinking of de-cluttering my flat surfaces.  My kitchen table has become the recepticle of all things I don't know what to do with.  That's not really fun, but it would make me happy to be done with that.  And I would have a place to spread out arts & crap supplies.

Yesterday evening

I was having one of those days yesterday, you know the ones... what if every decision I've made since [insert xyz time frame here, but in my case it was leaving California in 2002] was the wrong one?  I'm over it now.  It's amazing what sunshine and cool but gorgeous weather will do for a person.  I also have to keep telling myself that had I not left CA I wouldn't be embarking on a whole new career change.  I would just keep working in HR and letting this new potential career die altogether.  I wouldn't hate my job so much that it has convinced me to not do it anymore.  I know that seems drastic - just because I hate my current job doesn't mean I have to give up the whole career - but I think the job just forced into focus what I couldn't or didn't see.  I don't like where HR is going. It is becoming more and more about the bottom line than about the people I serve.  I'm sure it is necessary but I don't want to be part of it. 

I'm going hiking today. I'm very excited about that.  I think that since I've been going to school, I've not been on a Sunday adventure in a long time.  Although this is a Saturday Adventure. They are having a hike to see the blue bonnets at the Fort Worth Nature Center where I typically go hiking.  I should probably pull my water pack out of storage.

Hopefully this is right...

My horoscope for today: Earthquakes can't be predicted, and they can change an entire landscape in seconds. Get ready for your own personal earthquake to strike soon. The shift itself may be a bit scary, but the aftermath will create a world with a lot more opportunity for you. Some barriers will fall and enable you to see a much clearer path. The shifting is quietly happening right now, and you may get a hint or two about what's in store for you when some little changes happen.


I'm a little troubled by the parallel to earthquakes and hope to goodness that this was written before today's repeat earthquake in Japan. I'm hoping it happens, though. I need something to happen soon. (that's hopefully good).

Is this grad school?

This is my first go around with grad school. I don't know what it should or shouldn't be.  I was talking to a couple of classmates on Wednesday about our class.  They both hate it.  They think the prof gives too much busy work. I can see their point.  We have to do 4 article summaries every week and an info hunt (we have to search for information using whatever method prescribed by the prof) each week.  Everything is worth a lot of points so if you don't do well on one thing it won't irreparably damage your grade.  This is, honestly, my favorite class right now.  I am fine with busy work and I like that there's a lot of points on the table so that if I screw something up (like I may or may not have done in one of my other classes) it isn't going to completely decimate my grade. (Ok to be fair, in my other class it was just a B grade on a paper.) Since this is my first time in grad school, I have no idea if this class is normal (I'm getting the impression it isn't) or not.  I can't be the only one who appreciates a lot of opportunity to do well, can I?

Dream wedding

I was thinking today about if I ever got married how fun it would be to get married on April fool's day.  If I did that, I think everyone should have to wear top hats. All the guests that is. I think I'd use a copy of The Fool tarot card for place cards.  And I think it would be just tea and cakes. (Gluten free cakes of course).  I don't like tea though so I'm not sure what I would drink. And there'd be dancing. I don't really dance but I think there should always be dancing at weddings. But no rap music. I don't like rap music. Oh and it will be outside. In a garden. With blooming flowers (hopefully but if not that's okay). Now to find the man. :)  

Only Prank I'll Ever Do

Once upon a time I played an April Fool's Prank. I am not usually successful at these. I am uncomfortable with them. I'm not that creative about them. However THIS prank was the best prank ever. :) And it is the 6th anniversary.

Rays attacking me!

I blame a recent Amazing Race episode for the dream I had last night. I dreamt that I was swimming in a giant aquarium and sometimes on land.  At first the manta ray was just gliding peacefully around the bottom of the tank and there were sharks too. (Seriously, this was a challenge on The Amazing Race which looked kick ass) but then I floundered around a bit and caught the ray's attention and it decided to attack me.  It could change its size at will. AND It could fly out in the sky so it didn't matter that I kept getting out of the water. Here's the really interesting part to me according to dreammoods.com.

Manta Ray: To dream that you or someone is attacked by a school of manta rays, indicates that emotions that have been suppressed into your unconscious are becoming too overwhelming to keep inside any longer.

That's not at all disturbing.

Homesick

Sometimes I get 'homesick' for Seattle.  Since Michelle has been in Texas twice in the last two months, it has reminded me of, among other things, I have no friends here yet.  And while, in general, I'm not the friendliest of people, I do sometimes get lonely for company that isn't just me and the cat.  I was playing on the Kinect on Sunday and I couldn't help but think how much more fun it would have been if I were playing with someone.  (Or maybe not since I was making a fool of myself running in place and jumping.)  I haven't found good Indian food here yet.  Or good Thai. Or good gluten-free pizza. I hate my job. I honestly feel like I'm floundering sometimes and I dream of going back to Seattle.  But the job I had there is no more, and even if it was there I don't think I want to work for that boss or that other boss any longer. It would be nice to have my friends here.  I miss Seattle's electricity. it was way cheaper there.

The good things about here:  Closer to my sister. Swimming pool at my apartment. Cheaper rent. Own a car. Have a cat. (I could have done that in seattle I know). Six flags. lower cost of everything except electricity. HUGE apartment.  HUGE BEAUTIFUL apartment. Cheaper than Seattle's was. Housekeeper, dishwasher, washer/dryer in unit. Seriously, people, those are beautiful things.

Unrelated to all this mumbling about being home sick, I have to find ways to cut expenses.  I think after Sunday night's Big Love I'm cutting fancy cable. There's nothing ever on it I want to watch. It is pointless. I have netflix and a blockbuster card. I'll get it back when True Blood returns in the summer. :)

Hedging my luck

I bought 4 lottery tickets tonight.  Two for Lotto and two for Megamillions. My fingers are crossed. (I know I know I know) In order to encourage my luck, I used my last dollar to buy an MDA shamrock. That's good deed right? So that means I should win right?

One of the harder things about moving to a new place (besides having to make new friends, don't even ask me about that at all) is finding new products and brands. I have lived on the west coast for so long the only brand of cheese I like is tilamook.  I love tilamook cheese.  It is very very difficult to find it here for some reason.  (You know not being on the west coast and all that).  However I've found something that makes me just as happy (or maybe happier)... Cabot cheese is available here! I first had Cabot cheese in Vermont visiting Katie girl (Hi Katiegirl!).  I do love me some Cabot cheese and even better it is "president's choice" (the generic Kroger brand). Yay! That's a happy thing to find.

I know you have opinions.

For my birthday my mom is sending me money for a new bed. I may be going to my nemesis, who didn't hire me, big discount department store.  Here are the ones I've found so far that I've liked.

 Found at overstock.com.  I would have looked at more of theirs online but their website started downloading a virus so I had to close the window.

 I THINK this is my favorite one. Although I'd really like to see it in person so that I can feel the texture of the bed. Can be bought at nemesis didn't hire me store.

 Also found at nemesis didn't hire me store.  I like the metal/wood combo.

 I like how it is curvy like a spider web or a giant dream catcher. (Also from nemesis store)

I like the simple straight forwardness of this one.

Current furniture in the bedroom are a white bookshelf, a white dresser with black knobs and a white desk and 1 wooden bookshelf cherry color.  I love the white dresser so I probably won't change that anytime soon. 

WWJD

What would Joanne do? :)

We had a conversation in class the other night about ethics and information professionals. The prof said that there is some indication that Timothy McVeigh (OKC Bombing) consulted a librarian about bomb building.  She asked would we give that out.  I was the only one in class to say no. And my statement was more along the lines of I couldn't live with myself if I found out information I gave out had caused the deaths of people in that fashion.  A couple people went down the "slippery slope" route... if you don't give out "how to make a bomb" where does it stop.  We shouldn't judge what people would like to know. Blah blah blah. The ALA believes that we should provide information without judging the information being requested but there's one guy we read about who agrees with my way of thinking. You have to consider society. Someone else pointed out (or maybe it was slippery slope girl) that it would be like pharmacists refusing to give out the morning after pill.  I quickly pointed out that a - pharmacists have a binding professional oath as opposed to librarians who have a voluntary oath and b - many many places have upheld that pharmacists can refuse to provide the morning after pill. (And physician's don't all have to provide abortions if they do not choose to.) Anyway, apparently I'm a dissenter in my class.

Stupid Human Tricks

I was speaking to a coworker the other day about something I had seen on my boss's desk. She asked me if I was in there snooping around and I said no, she was babbling at me and I read it upside down on her desk.  She seemed surprised I could completely and totally read upside down. I had never thought about it. I've been able to do it as long as I can remember.  She challenged me and I totally read her job ad upside down.  I think it may be related to my left handedness. Is this a weird skill?

I have almost twice as many tweets as I do blog posts

But that's totally not what this post is about. :)

Weekly I go and volunteer at a local domestic violence shelter.  I work with the kiddos while their moms are in counseling.  (By work with I mean baby sit, not anything exact or psychological or anything like that). (But that's not what this post is about either) (Although recently there was a little girl there who had the most startling eyes.  One was brown, deep brown so dark you could barely see the iris and the other was this brilliant cobalt blue. It was striking and if/when her unibrow gets controlled I'm sure she'll be stunning (she's only little right now). 

Anyway, every time I go and come back I drive past this church that is called Hope.  I like the name of that. Every time I drive past on the way home I think, hmm... I wonder if the doors are open in the evening (well night really).  I can't figure out what kind of church it is. I think I just like the name Hope. It makes me think about joining.  Seriously, Texas is sucking me in. Or maybe just the reality that I'm not happy with several aspects of my life and maybe something like an organized community group to join would help. When I was in Alaska I used to ask my churchgoing friends why they believed in god. Some didn't know how to respond.  Several indicated that that's what their parents did so that's what they did. My favorite answer was from my roommate of the time (not Kate) who said it just made her feel better and more centered. I would like to feel more centered. Yoga just doesn't do it for me. My mind wanders. I feel stupid and uncoordinated and especially fat. Meditation makes me antsy. (Again my mind wanders and it makes me twitchy). Now that I'm in school, homework is taking over my weekends. I'm looking for something. I just don't know where to find it.

Things to say

This morning while I was hanging out waiting to get dressed to go on my interview, my neighbor came by to let me know that she thought Sam had escaped.  She had seen him on her fence.  It wasn't Sam. It was Sam's twin. He is a stray that the apartment people have tried ot have animal control catch but haven't been able to. They seem fascinated with each other.  Sam, who already loves to sit on the balcony, will stare at the other cat for hours. Apparently the other cat is also interested in being Sam's friend if he was on the balcony trying to come up to visit. Weird.

I need a pair of some heeled boots/shoes that are black.  My suit pants are too long and usually I wear a pair of peep-toe pumps with them but it is 17 degrees and slushy outside and that just wasn't going to work.  So I wore my suit with my black Doc Martens which means my pants dragged on the slushy ground like I'm some sort of teenager. Time to go to the Dry Cleaners.

I went on a job interview and had a talk with a recruiter at an agency today.  The recruiter has 2 positions open.  One I'm not interested in at all since it is for another health care group and I'm not having it again.  The other, she says, is for a place that she has heard good things about from the other people who have been placed there.  The downer for that one... salary lower than what I earn now.  Now, to be fair I pay a lot for benefits so if their benefits are better/more covered that might be okay.  The problem is, I can't really find a lot of time to interview for a lot of jobs.  Don't even get me started on my boss and time issues.  The other place was a manufacturer of heating & cooling units. I interviewed with the recruiter, the person who would be my boss and I was supposed to interview with the person who has the position now and one other person, but they had left early. That reassured me since I think I don't believe in not meeting the rest of the team for a job. We'll see. I think I might like it there.  Their hand outs are certainly impressive. :)  If this one doesn't work out I may take a little break. Stock up some more time so that I have time to interview. :)

Unintended Consequences

With the loss of almost 20 lbs and getting down below weight "y", two things have occurred that have unsettled me.  (Both of which are probably TMI so you're forewarned)

1. My periods have returned.  I've had more periods in the last 3 months than I have in the last year.  I know it is better for me.  I know this is probably a good thing, but I don't have to like it.  I mean really, two periods a year is a pretty good thing. It is also weird to me since I haven't had regular ones since I lived in California.  That was a LONG time ago (I moved in 2002) and I'm pretty sure I haven't been over weight "y" that entire time.

2. If my measurements are correct (which they might not be I'm kind of dumb about that) I've only lost 1 inch in my waist and like 1 inch in my chest and yet like 4 - 5 inches in my b00bs.  This is a problem because while my hair is still in an annoying stage, my chest is pretty much the only thing I like on my body.  (Yes I recognize that's bad.)

It is almost enough to make me gain it back. ALMOST. :)  But since I want to sky dive and scuba dive I'll keep going, even though this past week's food consumption has not supported that view. (I gained 1/2 a lb when I weighed myself the other day, but I can probably chalk that up to period since it started the next day).

Sometimes I hate People

The grocery store is one of those places where you really realize how stupid/annoying/whatever people can be. First I went to wal-mart because I think some of the staples (tp and cat litter) are going to be cheaper there than elsewhere.  Now I admit I'm an idiot for going to Wal-Mart at 11:30 on a Saturday. In that respect I deserve what I get.  Even though in general I LOVE self-check out, somehow Wal-Mart's self check out is always a FAIL for me so I don't use it. (Related, I may finally have found a toy Sam likes to play with.  He's been attacking it much of the evening.) I was in the 20 items or less line.  (Shouldn't that be fewer?)  (According to wikipedia, it totally should be).  There was another 20 items or fewer line next to me that was moving much more slowly than mine.  This woman in that line had a full shopping cart.  She kept glaring over at me because the lines were kind of undefined and so I got directly behind one person to get in the quicker line. I wanted to say "look lady, I'm weirdly anal about this and I have 11 items whereas you clearly have well over 20 so get your knickers out of a knot."  I did not though.

So then I move on to another chain grocery store.  I was looking for some produce and a few of those seasoning mixes and a couple other things I couldn't get at Wal-Mart. I pick up my cucumbers, some clementines, chocolate chips (because I'm making GF fruit pies with cherry and chocolate chips, sounds good, no?), and a few other things.  They don't have my seasoning packages but that's okay.  (related, I know you use "Oriental" for things and items like "Oriental" rugs, but I'm still vaguely uncomfortable that that's the label they use for the Asian food section.) I see there are 2 regular lanes open with HUGE lines and the self check out is open.  Wow, one is even totally open. I go and start scanning and then realize nope, someone is in the midst of shopping and apparently has stepped away.  Not acceptable.  So I get in line behind a woman with three candy bars. This should be quick.  Nope. One of the candies is not part of the 2/something deal so she takes it back, leaving the register open but in use.  Then she picks up several other things while she's away and then she can't figure out how to check out.  So I try one other lane but it won't scan my cans and so I give up and put all my stuff back. I can only tolerate the ridiculousness for so long before I wanted to kick someone. I then went across the street to the other grocery store that I like better anyway and got EVERYTHING I wanted and there was no waiting at self-check out and there was no idiots who had wandered off mid-way through checking out.  So all was right with the world. :)