Green Eyed Monster

I knew after Michelle told me she was pregnant that somewhere along the way I'd feel a pang of envy. It's normal. (Well at least I think it is normal.) She's got parts of her life that I hope to someday have. And I'll get there. I have no doubt about that. And I like my life, but you know once in a while... Grass is greener syndrome and all that.

But today I had a pang about something I hadn't anticipated having a pang about. Given that my plan is to adopt children, I'm never going to know the joy of picking out my child's very own name. I'm anticipating that they'll all come pre-named. Babies are few and far betweeen. And I don't have the money or the inclination really to pursue that rare commodity - the healthy white baby. So that leaves me taking in the pre-named children.

*Since we're 8 months since my last period, I'm fairly certain that the difficult if not impossible is on the brink of becoming impossible to have kids. There're two potential reasons for this... PCOS or early menopause. I haven't gone in to find out the final answer because really... what difference does it make. There's nothing a doc can do for either one really.

Tilting at windmills

Y'all know I'm a frequent windmill tilter. Sometimes I just have to find an answer. So Lame Giant emailed me back. They emailed me how to figure out the sizing of clothes. I hate canned responses. So I emailed again. We'll see how long this goes on...

Vanity Sizing

I know I've read about it before, but i was reading an article in Cosmo today where they talk about vanity sizing. Even The Gap does it allegedly. So this got me thinking... does the fatchick store do it too? On the one hand, I can't see it as being hugely beneficial, but on the other hand, I would think if they didn't, the sizes would get so out of whack it wouldn't be possible for everyone not to do it. The funny thing is, though, whenever I hear of vanity sizing it is the 0s 2s and 4s being discussed... not the 22s or 24s. So of course, seeing as how I obsess, I've now emailed lame giant to find out if they do it. I wonder if they'll even be honest in their response.

Oh holy fuck I hurt...

The best shower ever is the one after camping when the water releases all these smells you've been stockpiling in your skin and hair and it just feels so cool. The 2nd best shower ever is the scalding hot water after you've spent 8 hours outside lugging boxes all over a damn playground. I'm not sure what our high was today, but I know it wasn't that high. I was wearing wool socks, long johns, jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt, a t-shirt over the long sleeved t-shirt, my fleece and at one point my rain jacket and hat and mittens. And at one point I was still shivering. Then we got smart and moved out of the wind so it wasn't so bad. :) And while I was helping load cookies into cars I was actually rather warm.

At 8:00 the semi got there and started unloading pallets. We had to unload the boxes from the pallets and stack them. That was task #1. Then we start rearranging the boxes by troop. So we're lugging the boxes from the stacks of type to various spots all over the playground (which was at least covered because it was also raining). Now I know somebody does this every year, but this was my first year of being somebody. I so don't plan on doing this next year. (Oh who am I kidding? If there's no cookie manager like this year, I'll end up helping the poor sap we con into doing this.) All in all, we got all the cookies out. I am clean and warm and dry. I am sore, but it is the type of sore that is from doing stuff, not the type of back pain that says you will be flat on your back for a week unable to move. I'm sure I'll sleep like the dead tonight and that's exciting. So that's all for now folks.

KTP made me do it.

Apparently my last post has been up too long and now I'm receiving pressure from the peanut gallery to change it. Some people! :)

The sad part is, I don't have a lot to report these days. I reread HP 5. I'm working on 6 to be ready for the 7th book to be released.

This weekend begins the mass volunteering for the next 5 weeks (I think).
Sunday I'm going to be working at the Girl Scout cookie delivery place helping coordinate the cookie pick up for my service unit.
The 3rd I'm selling cookies at PCC.
The 4th is the Firefighter Stairclimb.
The 8th I'm selling cookies.
The 10th I have a Service Unit Meeting.
The 11th I'm selling cookies.
The 16th I'm selling cookies.
The 18th is the Big Climb.
The 24th is my next CEBS exam.
The 24th is the HopScotch beer festival for which I will be pouring beer.

AND somewhere in there I'm being fitted for a crown, receiving a crown and turning 33. Phew! I'm actually rather excited to do all these things. I love selling cookies with the girls. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the firefighter stairclimb. (C'mon who doesn't? One of the perks is that we go drinking afterward with the fireboys who are flirty and fun!) And the HopScotch beerfest is a good time too, plus full of straight boys... :) (OF course, all those cookie selling days and the service unit meeting... this is just a couple hours out of the whole day. Which is good since apparently I have given myself no time to study for the damn CEBS exam.)

I think Saturday I'm going to try to go to the Smith Tower. The observation deck has amazing views and they have a Chinese Wishing Chair which, according to myth, causes a young woman to get married if she so wishes within the next year. :) Match ain't doing much for me, so maybe it is time to bring in the mystical. (Of course, I went through my blog archives recently and according to the psychic we took my mom to see not last Christmas but the Christmas before (05), one of us would be married in 2 years... the timeline would work! :P)

It is even in my dreams.

Recently I've posted twice over at the Peevery my rage at dog owners. (I think I've posted here too). Apparently I cannot escape the dog poop. It has now invaded my dreams. Last night I was dreaming that I was trying to camp with a bunch of people (52 at last count, they kept multiplying) and every time I tried to set up a cot for someone to sleep in dog poop was in its place. Giant elephantitis sized dog poop. I never saw any dogs leaving it though. It was obnoxious. According to dreammoods:

Feces: To see or come in contact with feces, signifies aspects of yourself that are dirty and negative and which you believe to be undesirable and repulsive. You need to acknowledge and express these feelings, even though it may be shameful. Release the negativity in your life. Alternatively, it may also refer to someone who is anal retentive.

To dream that you are unable to dispose of the feces, suggests that you are unwilling to let go of your emotions. You have a tendency to hold in and keep your feelings to yourself. (Apparently I'm unable/unwilling to let go of my hatred towards bad dog owners??!!)

According to Freud, feces is related to possession, pride, shame, money/financial matters, or aggressive acts.?So to dream that you are playing with feces, symbolizes your anxiety over money matters and financial security.

Camping: To dream that you are camping, suggests your need for relaxation and a long-deserved break.? You may be looking to be more in touch with nature and for a simpler life. Alternatively, it refers to your social circle and support group. You need to have a sense of belonging, but at the same time be self-sufficient and independent.

Bloodletting.

They use leeches for that right? :) So yay for me! I went to donate blood and they actually took it! Thus ending a several month long bout of anemia. (Apparently eating red meat for dinner on Friday, Saturday and Monday night as well as Tuesday lunch helped a lot.) (I feel compelled to point out that it wasn't until I thought about it that I realized I actually ate that much red meat over the weekend. It was completely unintentional. :) ) This also means that I can go have a blood test done and pass it so my dr won't take away my beloved pills.

I decided to take myself out to dinner afterwards to reward myself for my good behavior. I first tried to go to this place across the street from the blood donation place. They closed at 8. Sigh. Then I went down two doors to the teriyaki place. They only take cash. Why is it that teriyaki places only take cash? So finally I got Thai. Yum. :)

Bathing suit

Is it slightly wrong that if Disney made a bathing suit for fat asses I would totally buy it? It is, isn't it. It is a sickness. I know. (They don't but they do make one for skinny asses. KTP you're skinny now... care for one? ;) )


I bought three new shirts at the fat chick store this weekend. I'm very pleased with them. Two of them are like the pic. One is that color actually and the other is a deep purply color. Michelle, you would be impressed because they actually fit properly. I bought the correct size for me instead of what I would usually do which is buy the next size up because I feel more comfortable in floaty clothes. Because of the (Oh I don't know the word for this but where they tuck it in to make it more form fitting) because of that, the size larger looked really bad on me. I'm wearing the purple one today and I've already received several compliments on them. :) Yay!

So this brings me to a whole other topic, Big R doesn't like it that I call Lane Bryant the fat chick store. He says I'm denigrating myself. I don't view it that way at all. I use it merely as a descriptor. I am a fat chick. The store caters to me. So it is a fat chick store. It isn't like I say fat chick with some sort of disdain. It is more like a badge and I own it you know. What do you think?

Writer's Block

I've started and re-started this post several times over the weekend. For some reason I'm finding myself incapable of finding anything to say. Or the few things I'm thinking of saying are just dumb.

I did see Because I Said So. It was cute in that romantic comedy sort of way. I liked it. (I'm being dive bombed by a gnat and it is making me CRAZY). If I had the kind of mom Diane Keaton was, I might have killed myself. She was a bit crazy. The two guys were really cute and I'm glad she ended up who she ended up with. Probably not a $10 movie, but whatever. I don't tend to dwell on that. :) I went to Johnny Rockets before the movie since I didn't get to go on Valentine's day and get a burger at The Deluxe. Did I mention my disappointment about V-Day? I was supposed to go to dinner with littlehands and Big R. They had said lets go to the Deluxe for burgers. I spent the whole day excited about that because The Deluxe's burgers are AWESOME. Big R picks me up and says he doesn't want to go because he had burgers for lunch and he wanted something 'less carby' (his clingyness to fad diets annoys the crap out of me). So we ended up eating Chinese food. (I have no idea how that is less carby. I'm pretty sure it isn't given what he ate.) I realized after dinner that I really hadn't wanted Chinese. Anyway, I've totally digressed.

This week I'm supposed to go to the gayest Mexican restaurant ever. I'm hoping it happens. I'll be disappointed if it doesn't.

I went to watch V practice rugby on Saturday. Rugby is a sport that makes absolutely no sense to me, but I am going to go to a game. I'm going to have to read up on the rules and to figure out what exactly they are doing. They kept touching the ball to their foot and then continuing the game. That was weird. (Surprisingly Wikipedia has failed me on this. Their different pages are providing me with no help whatsoever.) Quake has a thing on their site but it is a pdf and it was taking too long to download on dialup. I'll check it at work.

Finally I am attempting to donate blood yet again tomorrow. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. :) (I can't help it. They call because they are desperate. It doesn't hurt me any to at least try.)

The whine of the drill

I survived my first ever root canal this morning. Although the shots just to make me numb were about to send me through the roof. In all honesty, any residual pain I currently have is in the places where I was shot. And they had to shoot me twice. The second one was the worst and actually brought tears to my eyes. In the end, though, I laid back in the chair and listened to an old episode of Charmed through the headphones. I could've watched it on the TV in the ceiling, but about 50% of the appointment she or the microscope was in my face. Also I really don't like to even SEE the little things she uses. I was going to post a thing about the smells, but I just grossed myself out so I don't want to do the same to you. I will say that whatever she was using at the end of the treatment smelled good to me. It smelled like nutmeg or something like that. Prior to that though. Not good.

As a treat to myself for being so good ;) I'm going to the movies tonight with a friend. We're going to see that Mandy Moore movie, Because I Said So. I really like Mandy Moore. I like how she plays basically good girls and you won't ever see her in like a ShowGirls type of movie. I find myself more and more liking the simple basically sexless types of movies. Like I don't mind a little bit of sex in a romantic comedy (I mean you have to have some...) but the just free for all that you sometimes see in other movies. Unfaithful, for example, had WAY more sex than I generally want to watch. Someone over at the peevery commented that I was jealous, and that's not really it. I don't know how to explain it. I really just like movies that are well written stories (or even half assed stories - I LOVE romantic comedies) as long as there's a story and that story isn't "Guy delivers pizza to all blonde slumber party of girls in tiny t-shirts and hilarity ensues." I'll just go and grab my cane and shake it at a few kids on my lawn now. :)

Pornstache!

I've been smiled at 3 times by people on my alternative site. The similar factor on all 3... the presence of a pornstache. Not that I ever think mustaches are attractive, but all 3 seem to have an especially smarmy quality about them. They are definitely of the R0n Jeremie (total misspelling I know) school of 'stache. Vastly icky. Oh and one of the 3 lives in Kentucky. What the hell is he even thinking?

Valentine's day or whatever

So tomorrow is the great holiday known as Valentine's day. The happiest part to me... No more Valentine's day commercials for another 300something days. I was talking to my coworkers today and I came up with two thoughts on the whole subject...

1 - All my future manfriend has to do is buy me flowers and I'll be totally happy. Let me clarify a moment... buy me flowers, have them sent to work and know me well enough to know that I don't really like roses so that tulips or daisies are a better option. I will then reward him with the gift every female gives to her man on Valentine's day... tickets to a sporting event. ;)

2 - After about the 3rd grade Valentine's Day is destined to suck. Before that point, everybody gets the class list and puts a Valentine in the envelope on the desk and everybody gets one from everybody else. Fourth and fifth grade it starts to get weird (if they even still do them then because now that I'm thinking about it I didn't do anything with my class when I taught 5th grade.) By the time you are in high school there's always all this external pressure. That continues. I know that people do it to themselves, but the hype on TV doesn't help at all. And it is just sad. It shouldn't be that way, you know?

Also littlehands and I are doing Valentine's for the office again. This year I have purchased those lick 'm aid powdered sugar yummyness. It will be amusing to give it to my biggest boss and regular boss who are all healthy. :)

I'm a grown up dammit!

Whenever I don't do something I'm scheduled to do I get all weird about it. Like no matter what I should do the task. Tonight I skipped belly dancing. I skipped it in part because I didn't feel like going. The other part is that I'm really uncomfortable doing things in front of the group and she always has us do one or two things in front of the group. If I were comfortable doing the moves it might not be so bad, but I never feel ready to dance in front of the others and I have to do it. I feel like I sound like a petulant child. Waaahhh I don't wanna... I don't wanna... I don't wanna... But in reality, I'm a grown up. If I don't want to do some things, I don't have to, you know? (Of course part of the whole force myself to do things is that I know I'm lazy... So sometimes I have to force myself to do things because I know I'm going to be lazy and not do anything.) But nothing bad is going to happen if I skip class. Nobody is going to judge me. There is no cosmic score sheet I'm now in the red on.

March is again the volunteer month from hell. I'll be selling cookies at 4 different site sales. I have the Firefighter Stair Climb on the 4th. I decided to volunteer for the Big Climb on the 18th and then just in case I had nothing else to do, I'm pouring beer again at brewfest on the 24th. Of course these are all annual gigs so it isn't anything new. (Well the Big Climb is new but it is the same as the Firefighter Stair Climb except it is regular people in regular clothes not fireboys in firesuits.)

I had the best dinner tonight! I had a hamburger on a bun! And french fries! It was awesome. :)

There's a new law being looked at here in Washington. They're considering letting dogs into public places if the shop/restaurant/bar says it is okay. I can't believe how against this I am. I know I have dog issues because I'm surrounded by jackass owners. Between the barker across the hall and the damn owners who don't clean up the poo when they are supposed to I'm about done with dog owners. And the reality is, the guys who will be bringing their dogs into the bars or restaurants... they are the owners who don't control their dogs to begin with. These are the folks whose dogs are not on leashes and who don't respond to voice command. Or the dogs who bite people or other dogs and then the owners demand to know what YOU did to provoke them. It is infuriating. I know there are plenty of good, responsible owners, but damn the bad ones that I'm surrounded by really REALLY poison me against dogs. Of course, to me, the other part of why the law is stupid is that not everybody likes dogs... They shouldn't be forced upon people who may not want to deal with them. (Which one cafe owner commented on. She said if the law were to be passed, she wouldn't change her rules. She accepts that some dog owners may decide to not patronize her shop anymore but at the same time she wants to be more supportive of ALL her customers.)

I really like the new Mac/PC commercial about new Vista where you have to verify almost everything that you do. It makes me chuckle.

I do not like how when I'm using tabbed browsing in IE7, I can't use the tab key or the alt-tab like I'm used to to jump from tab to tab.

No homelessss penisss

I went to dinner tonight with littlehands (the coworker I go camping with. I used to use her real name but she'd rather I didn't. Although littlehands still is fairly descriptive) and Big R and flower (also of the girls' annual camping trip although rarely mentioned because I only really see her on very rare occasions). Our other friend, formerly of the cult of the virgins(and the 4th camper on the annual camping trip), has a new boyfriend and she was having us all get together to meet him and a couple of his friends were there too. The guy seems nice enough. She's all excited because this is her first real boyfriend. They're moving at the speed of sound, seriously they met last week. He sent her roses this week for their 1 week of meeting anniversary. If it were me I'd have zoomed right out of there. But she's happy, so we're supportive. And he's WAY better than the last guy she was seeing. (They never had the all important boyfriend/girlfriend talk hence he was not a boyfriend). He was telling her how lucky she is because he's so understanding about the virgin thing. Honestly, any time a guy tells you how lucky you are to have him, clearly you aren't. (Similarly if they have to tell you how good a product is in the name, it isn't a good product. Try My-Tee Fine Ice Cream sometime and you'll see what I'm talking about - Michelle knows.) There were many many other red flags, but that's the most glaring.

We went to this Mediterranean place down in Belltown. It was pretentious and the portions were tiny. If I'm shelling out 17 bucks for food, I want to be kind of full. (I do realize that in the pretentious world 17 bucks isn't that much but I could fill up at Applebees or Chilis or any one of a number of chain places for 17 bucks including tip so... becuase I'm a Philistine that's my basis of comparison). Also, it wasn't that good. Actually the steak on the kabobs was good (there were all of 6 pieces of steak on the two kabobs.) but just not enough. The rice tasted like soap.

My side of the table, littlehands, Big R & flower were all chatting about our own stuff and somehow we got to talking about witnessing peeing in public. Apparently flower saw some woman on Broadway just totally drop trou and bend over and pee. Sadly, I could top this with the guy on the bus who peed. He just stood in the aisle and peed. Luckily, he didn't drop trou, though, so I didn't have to see homeless penis. :)

Big R also pissed me off greatly this evening. He tends to just talk sometimes. And talk and talk. He thinks he is being funny but really he's just annoying as fuck. We were crossing the street passing two straight guys and he growled and babbled some stupid bitchy thing and so I ended up shouting at him to shut the fuck up. He just kept babbling. I'm fine with conversation but not with people who require constant talk. Sometimes silence is okay.

Alternatives...

Michelle and I were discussing today alternate ways of meeting men for Joanne. (Ok, I think we actually talked about this yesterday but still...) She had been on the Freakonomics blog and it was mentioned that there are all sorts of niche dating websites. The blog was actually highlighting a farmer's dating site so they can meet a wife and then create farmer's daughters. One of the other sites the blog listed isn't actually a real site but it was basically for bigger gals. I googled plus sized singles sites to see what could appear and here's where my problem with niche sites starts. I like the idea of using a site like that becuase really it is easier to go that route than to go on a site like match.com where all the people (including the over 300 lb men) want "Slender or toned or athletic" chicks. The part that disturbs me, though, is how fetishized it can all be. And that disturbs me. One site was for "...and their Admirers FA's - (Fat Admirers) with thousands of personal ads currently listed here on our website." Something about that phrase just creeps me out. On another in a gentleman's intro he says "likes tattoos /piercings rockbilly gothic kinky fetish BBW WOMEN" which yes, clearly he's not someone I'd be into but the whole fetish concept just bugs the crap out of me. Is it a fetish if a guy wants a skinny chick? Or if he prefers an athletic chick? Or if he likes them curvy like J-lo? If he prefers large ta-tas... or smaller ta-tas? (I'm assuming y'all have answered rhetorically no to all of those) ... so why is liking a big chick a fetish? I think ultimately, even though I don't necessarily agree, the word fetish has an implied bias of 'not normal.' And that bugs me a lot.

So ultimately I'm going to try one of the alternate sites and see what happens. Can't hurt, right? (You know unless I can't even find a guy on a site that is supposed to be for gals like me...)

Hee hee

I saw this cartoon today in my email and it cracked me up. Totally me. (The cartoon, by the way, is Adam at home. I like it.)

Dun dun dun

Root canal. I have an appointment with an endodontist on Thursday to discuss said root canal. It is better than I anticipated. I figured he'd say dun dun dun pull it. So to me that's a step up. I can cope with a root canal. I can't cope with a bridge. I go back in March to do the cleaning and then to discuss whatever other mouth issues there may be. Heh may... there are. Could've been much worse so I'm okay right now. :) One thing... his office was very old fashioned on the x-ray thing. I remember one dentist I saw in Fairbanks (so that would be a minimum of 10 years ago since I left in 1997)had a different kind of mouth x-ray thing. It definitely did not involve shoving those little things in my mouth and poking my under tongue area and hitting my gag reflex to take a picture. But this guy was nice and striaght forward and his peeps were nice so I'm fine with that.

Dental playlist

So for my dental appointment that I'm freaked out about I have set up a special playlist in pica, the ipod, called dentist. It is full of music that will make me happy, mostly Disney tunes. There's the theme to the Main Street Electrical Parade as well as the Pirates of the Carribean theme. I can imagine I'm on the street waiting for the parade to start instead of having my mouth messed with by hygenists with an agenda. :)

In belly dancing class last night we started some hip work. Damn that was hard on the achilles tendons. We had to keep our knees bent pretty deeply and, as y'all know, mine don't bend that great because of the short tendons so that was a bit of a stretch. But it was a lot of fun and I think I have the first part of one of the movements down but the other part I was having a hard time understanding. I'm going to have to practice at home without a baggy t-shirt on so that I can perhaps see what I'm trying to do. She asked if any of us would be interested in doing a performance. I can safely say for me the answer would be oh hell no. :)

Called out...

I got served by one of my girls the other night. (Ok I don't really know what that means but I'll use the slang.) :) She called me on the fact that every Thursday I wear basically the same outfit... dark teal/peacock colored work pants and an off white sweater. I had to explain that I own 4 pairs of work pants and 5 sweaters. The off-white sweater is the only one that I think really goes with the teal/peacock colored work pants and since those are my least favorite pants, I wear them last in the pant rotation. I hadn't really realized I do it, but once I thought about it... clearly I do. So in an effort to mix it up a bit I'm wearing the dreaded pants today... Although I forgot and I'm wearing the black sweater instead of the off-white. I'll have to make an effort on Thursday NOT to wear the white. :)

Just call me Grumpy

I have a tooth ache. I've had one for quite awhile now and I'm breaking down and going to the dentist. I know the problem. I don't know how they will be able to fix it. A tooth way in the back of my mouth came in forcing the tooth next to it to move. That tooth is now positioned wrong and, of course, in pain. Sometimes massive sometimes not. The good part? Since I'm in pain, I'm apparently much less likely to snack or eat at all really. The bad part? Every time I sneeze I involuntarily clamp my teeth down and that sends a whole new wave of pain through my jaw.

I'll never learn

I went to the GF bakery yesterday. I am on the fence about them still. I kind of feel like they are moving into the way too chichi food and I'm not so fond of that. So I went and there were not a lot on the shelves, but over on the racks there were plenty. I grabbed a cinnamon bread off that shelf to be told that they are for a grocery store delivery. Crikey. If you've got nothing on the shelves of your own store, shouldn't you make sure you can put stuff on them first for your regular customers? So this evening I go to put the food I purchased YESTERDAY into the fridge and wouldn't you know it... bagels have mold. Fuck. Are you kidding me? I can accept that the food gets moldy quickly (which is why I was dumping it in the fridge today) but honestly 36 hours later??

Sometimes you don't want to know.

The lady from the management company called me back this morning. Apparently she got my letter confused with other people's. (Duh). So my total rent is now $825 plus $10 for my storage unit. That's an increase of $70/mo. That's kind of a lot. Unfortunately a random internet search reveals I'm still getting a deal. It is better I asked though, because I could just see not paying the extra $25/m0 and at some point them figuring it out and slapping me with fees and a big bill to pay back the back rent. Michelle pointed out I could show them their stupid letter as proof I was paying what I was told, but I still suspect that I couldn't fully get away with it. I'd definitely have to make up back rent probably.

Condos in my area are now all going for over $200k. There are new ones going up with 'rates in the low 300's'. I get the housing market is changing but honestly I want 4 walls and a few windows a bathroom and a bedroom. I don't need granite countertops or stainless steel appliances. All the condos going up anywhere near me are either conversions or "luxury" condos. I know this logic probably isn't logical, but I really hope all these luxury ones help drive the prices of old and boring ones down a bit. I hope none of the sellers end up under water, but other than that at the rate condo prices are going here, nobody will be able to buy one. What kind of single person pays $300 to $400k for a one bedroom or studio condo? I don't get it.