Yay Mail!

I got a box from Amazon today. Yay! I ordered Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Circle of Friends and Disney's Season of Song on CD. I am so excited to watch my new DVD's and listen to my CD, probably will take it to work tomorrow so I can listen to it there. Yay!

Also, I have noticed there are 2 times when it is guaranteed I will have to pee a lot. When I'm doing dishes... It is like I'm 6... the running water makes me crazy. I seriously have to pee at least twice while doing them (of course this is over like an hour and a half which is how long it takes me to really do the dishes given how much I screw around while doing them). The other, something about walking in the door when I get home from being wherever. The need is proportional to the amount of crap I'm carrying/wearing etc. If I just walk in and I'm wearing normal jeans & a tshirt with no coat or back pack... I only have to go a little bit. When I walk in with bags, coat, MP3 player plugged in, backpack on... I'm doing the dance by the time I get everything off. What am I? 5??

Seattle Marathon Volunteering

A few thoughts on volunteering for the Seattle Marathon today, but first a minirant. If you see cones dividing a 2 lane road, and you see runners/walkers filling the left lane, do you really think I'm going to let you turn left? Do you even need to ask? Just fucking turn right and I would kinda appreciate it if you wouldn't scowl at me. It isn't my fault you didn't read the bulletins and signs around the neighborhood telling you about the marathon. And NO, I don't know an alternate route to Capitol Hill.

7 hours in the cold with no break is too fucking long to schedule a volunteer. Luckily the volunteer from the corner down the block didn't have anything to do since his corner had a cop directing traffic so I managed to go pee and get a cocoa at about 12ish (after getting there at 7:40 AM) When I left at 3:00 I was exhausted and FREEZING and hungry. Luckily, I had remembered the basic living in Alaska lesson... dress in layers. I had on: Silk long johns (hypothetically better at 'wicking', jeans, long sleeved t-shirt, another long sleeved t-shirt, hooded sweatshirt, old UAF jacket, hat. Both hoods were up and my scarf was up around my neck. For awhile, it was nice and I was in the sun and it was on my back and I felt like a cat probably feels, all toasty and warm, but the sun went behind the building nearby... it felt like it dropped 10 degrees for me. I enjoyed watching the runners and walkers. It made me... a little bit teary maybe to see some of these folks just plugging along. It was cool to see the fast ones too, that first runner for each the 1/2 and whole marathon... there's something oddly inspirational to that. It almost made me think I could do one. At least a half marathon (13 miles). With not much else to do except tell cars right turn only, I had a lot of time to stand and daydream. I figured Greenlake is 2.8 miles around so if I started slow and eventually built up to 5 times around Greenlake that would be a half marathon. I dunno, it is a nice thought. I bet I could at least walk the 1/2 marathon. Maybe I'll let it tumble in the back of my mind for a bit.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

The apple box is probably older than I am, the contents wrapped carefully in Kleenex and paper towels, yellow with age. One of my parents' favorite Christmas stories is how when they were first married all they could afford for their first Christmas tree was the cheapest Christmas balls possible, the red ones. Apparently back then (keep in mind they've been married 40 years this year), they were sold in boxes by color rather than now. They vowed that we wouldn't have a Christmas tree like that so each year when we were kids, our parents would purchase Christmas ornaments for us. In the beginning they were just random pieces picked up at craft fairs. I have a little girl on a swing who, for some reason, never manages to stay upright on the swing, her little thread 'chains' twisting her upside down. There's the stick horse, with a pixie stick for the stick. I don't even want to think how old that pixie stick is. As I unwrap each thing in the box, I am flooded with memories of each thing. The knitted stocking with the white bear, Nan's was a horse and Mandy's a brown bear. The skier I made when we (in a rare family activity) sat around the table and made them. The little Santa box that lifts open to reveal a teeny tiny space inside, one of the last things my sister gave me. Doesn't Joey make a comment about the little tiny boxes women love... too small to put anything in them. Missy, old roommate, used to call them our crack vials. The little green and white elf, I think it is supposed to be an elf, I have had since I was a small child. The crazy salt dough ornaments Kate and I made one year, my first Christmas in Alaska in my very own apartment, that are too heavy to actually hang on the tree; they fall off. There's the Christmas ball one of my students made fore me, 100 years ago when I was a teacher. Each time I reach into the box, it is with a tiny bit of anticipation since I have no idea what I'm going to find. It's like an archaeological dig, dusting away at the layers of my past life. After a while, she switched to the Hallmark ornaments, but for some reason, they don't mean as much to me as these weird mismatches from my childhood.

Just breathe

The elevator in my building is apparently out of order. I am not pleased. Further, I am not pleased with the fact that climbing 4 floors has just about killed me. Seriously. I work out 4 mornings a week. 45 min on the elliptical trainer. At what I believe is a fairly high stride/min level. Why can't I walk up stairs? Why can't I walk up the hills? Gah. I've been working out for a year. By now I should be in decent enough shape to do this, right?

Cool new toy

I love Bed Bath & Beyond. I bought the coolest thing today. I bought a back lotion applicator. It is so cool. It has a long handle and a head that you fill with lotion and these little balls in the head that do the applying and act like a little massager. It is the simple things in life that are so cool.

Turkey Day!

I am oh so sleepy right now! I went to my coworker, R's, house for Thanksgiving with her, her mom, 2 roommates, and 2 other random extreanous friends. We had so much fun! Suffice to say, heavy drinking was involved. I think it was about 2:30 when I stopped drinking... maybe 2. I ended up staying because I was not catching a bus at 3:30 in the morning. I woke up at 7 and slipped out and caught the bus home and went back to bed. I don't even like wine and we drank a shitload of it. I am very lucky I'm not hung over this morning, because I was kind of fearing that. The food was really good. R's roommate A, made my favorite potatoes, twice baked. Her mom made this amazing AMAZING pumpkin cheesecake. I don't even like pumpkin, but that cheesecake was the BOMB. Yum. I will have to get the recipe to try it my own self.

Why is it I think I want to buy something at the most inconvenient time possible? I was just thinking today I want to go to Target and get a new bathmat, but then I remembered Day After Thanksgiving and thought ewww... So I think I'll travel down to Bed Bath & Beyond. It'll still be crazy, but maybe not as bad as Target? I can hope right?

Drunk and Maudlin

As I was walking home from the bar I was writing in my head a whole fucking whine about what the fuck do I have to be thankful for. Then I walked past this old folk's home that has a little overhang and there's a homeless person sleeping under it. Even when I want to feel sorry for myself I can't because there's always someone who has it worse. It is my Voltaire! given right to feel sorry for my lonely ass self during the holidays. Dammit! (I also just almost totally choked myself on the roast beef I'm eating)

Story from the past...

Subtitled Small Town People are so Nice
Also subtitled How to really piss me off and not be my friend anymore

I think periodically when I think of them I'll tell a story from the past, probably more to remind me of them some time in the future...

Once upon a time I was a camp counselor in Prescott Az. I LOVE Prescott. If I were to ever consider moving back, I'd go there, except it is all old people anyway not really pertinent to the story. These details are... Prescott is 4 hours from Phoenix which is 4 hours from the town I grew up in. My best friend from high school was at Girl Scout camp in Peyson, about 2 hrs from Prescott but across the state so still about 4 hours from Phoenix and 4 hours from SV. On my last day at camp, I was supposed to pick up Jenny in Peyson and me, another counselor from my camp and she were all going to drive back, dropping Laura in Tucson then Jen & I would go back to SV. My parents had told me not to go to Peyson, but to pick up Jen in Phoenix. Yeah whatever. So we drive to Peyson and up a curvy windy mountain road where I discover that all the people from the Peyson camp had left. The day before. WTF? They had all gone to Phoenix the day before? I had not heard about this and since I was there to pick up Jen, this was a problem. So I do what any normal person would do, I called her mom. Who explained that Jenny called me (uh no, I would've gotten that message) and told me. Jen was back in SV already by that time. So a little pissy, I go back out to the truck and head down the hill. Apparently one of the bumps we hit did something bad to the truck because I had no electric in the car. No brake lights, no turn signals, no headlights and most importantly no way to turn the car back on once I turned it off. To get it going again to get down the mountain we (with the help of the camp host) push started it. So we are driving around Peyson on a Saturday afternoon (small town world, Sunday, the next day, is the kiss of death... there's nothing open) as it gets dark. With no headlights. We find a Texaco station that has a garage attached to it (closed of course) and without turning off the car we go in to see if they would be able to help us in the morning. Luckily they could. So we turn off the car and leave it and go to a restaurant to eat and figure out what to do next. Apparently something very exciting was going on in Peyson that weekend because there were no hotels open (ok there's 1 there I think) and the campground was full so now we don't know what to do. We had seen a park and wondered what really would happen if we were caught sleeping outdoors (we had all our camping gear) so we called the police and asked. Apparently they were less than sure about letting 2 19 year old girls sleep randomly in a park so they had us call back in 20 minutes while they work something out. We call back and they have arranged for us to sleep in the fellowship hall of their police chaplain's church. We get the camping gear and start walking towards the church and get picked up by a sherriff. Poor Laura had to ride in the back behind the mesh. They let us in the fellowship hall and we unroll the sleeping bags to go to sleep. I can't remember what time this was, probably around 9, but we were exhausted and kind of creeped out. The church was really quiet but had the normal bumps that happen in the night. We woke up the next morning and could hear the church ladies making coffee so we snuck out. Again, we were picked up by a sherriff's car that took us back to the Texaco station. They fixed the car and we were on our merry way several hours later. I get back to the home town, my parents are of course, pissed. And I don't hear from Jen. And I don't hear from Jen. And I don't hear from Jen. Finally 3 weeks have passed and I was already pissed and now I'm furious. (Anyone who really knows me knows how unusual for me this really is). I called her. She was leaving in like 3 hours to go back to college. She gives me some song and dance about how she sent me a letter and called me about it (both lies). I was too angry and we stopped talking shortly after I went back to college. I couldn't be her friend anymore after all that shit. I'm fairly forgiving, and if she had called and said that she forgot to let me know I would've been okay with it, but to not hear from her for 3 weeks, which I know is because she knew she was totally in the wrong, that was what set me over the edge.

Eeek! Sex Dream

With moral turpitude guy of all people. Well since the deed was not actually accomplished I guess it was only a 1/2 sex dream. We were at a party (not together but at the same party) with a bunch of people from The Real World. There was this lesbian hitting on me and not taking no for an answer so I turned to him for help since he was the only person I actually knew there and he started kissing me. Somehow we ended up under a blanket, he was not clothed I was. But then he got called away and had to put on pants and I just lie there thinking thank goodness. We ended up together again later somehow but he got called away by Chuckie who needed him. (Yes the scary doll from the movies Chuckie, that commercial has been on way too much.) So then I'm out in a park and I stomp on Chuckie's head and kill him. And we go to the funeral and I keep thinking if he was so easy to kill why did they have to make all those movies about him? And then I woke up and was thinking about why was Chuckie so hard to kill. Altogether too weird I think...

Funniest statement of the morning...

I heard from this youngish guy in the elevator. I said "You live on the floor with the crazy old lady right?" He thinks for a minute and says "You mean the one we call OCD grandma?" Hahaha OCD Grandma.

Colin Firth & Women's Entertainment Channel

Here it is Saturday afternoon and I'm watching Circle of Friends on the Women's Entertainment Network (or Channel?) I totally did not realize that Colin Firth (star of Bridget Jones among other things) plays icky Simon Westward. I actually just read it on Amazon when I ordered my own copy of the movie. That being said, WE is a crappyass channel. This movie is not especially racy, but they've still edited out naughty parts. Including a scene where Eve Malone and her boyfriend are playing checkers for dares... So she loses and Adian wants her to hold "it", and she agrees but she won't jiggle it about. Hysterical line.

Absurd

I just realized that the Ener-G crackers I ordered from Kinnikinnick foods are made here in Seattle. They get exported to Canada, then imported. You'd think I could cut out that middle step, but they are 1.30 cheaper at the store in Canada than for me to buy them here at Fred Meyer.

From the random file...

1 - I took home 3 of my plants from work today. They're dying (ok really 1 is dead). I had to make a big production of the fact that I was just taking them home because they're dying and not for some random reason like I'm quitting. Although my 2 comrades teased me about being like Phoebe in that episode of Friends where she secretly moves out without letting Monica know. I will be bringing in 2 new healthy plants to attempt to kill. :) Apparently the amount of neglect they get at my house is better than the amount of neglect they get at work. Earlier this month I had to leave early to take Bax to the vet. When I asked if I could go early my boss was like "You're not going to interview are you?" That was so weird...

2 - My big gay friend Troy has started doing this weird thing at work. He works with workcrush and he and workcrush wander around together doing techie things. For the past 2 days anytime he has seen me when he was with workcrush he makes this big production of ensuring we know who each other are. [Imagine in big gay voice] "Joanne, so glad to see you! You know workcrush right? Workcrush, you know Joanne right?" I fear he may be up to something. I emailed him and asked him and he said he was trying to impress workcrush. I said with what your weirdness or your gayness? The queen was not amused. :) My fear... he knows I have tiny crush on workcrush... Need I say anymore about my fear? :)

3 - I broke down and bought the big guns of acid reflux pills. My stomach has not settled down in days despite liberal coatings of pepto. Pepcid AC rocks! I managed to sleep through the night last night for the first time in a week.

4 - My new coworker cracks my shit up. She reminds me so much of Marion from college. A little flighty and very giggly.

Edited this morning... EEEK! I used his real name, that's never acceptable! :)

Am I a REAL Pisces?

You are 93% Pisces

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Apparently yes.

Moral Turpitude Part 3

Ok so he asked me about the cheating/divorce thing that Michelle IM'd him about earlier... here's our convo. :) I will admit that I pretended not to know anything about Michelle's convo with him.

Cheater says: Do you think that cheating ( one act of indescretion) is automatically grounds for divorce
jo says: Yes
jo says: Why do you ask?
Cheater says: Michelle and I had this discussion days ago and I just thought I would run it by you to see your opionion
jo says: Oh... Yes I do
Cheater says: she agrees with you
jo says: She is a smart cookie.
jo says: You, I take it don't
Cheater says: Well, my point was that marriage is suposed to be this sacred eternally strong commitment based on love...and if marriage was important enough for two people to agree to bond for life than I dont think a single act of indescretion should be automatically grounds for divorce...people are people and they make mistakes
jo says: Yeah but if you make a mistake that is so basic and is so against the most simple premise, than what you're telling your partner is that "Yeah I made this promise, but something hotter/better/skinnier/whatever came along and I slipped" there's a mistake and there's a MISTAKE
jo says: You're telling the person that the promise you made is basically worthless.
jo says: and that you have so little regard for that person you can't keep a promise.
jo says: And if you can't keep the most basic of promises, how can I trust the person to keep other promises?
Cheater says: or maybe that the stresses of life accompanied by a recently emotionally distant wife and alcohol and purley by accident you found yourself in a situation that you made a wrong desicion
jo says: if your life is that shitty you got bigger problems and probably will end up divorcing anyway.
jo says: and that's really an excuse.
jo says: so if you weren't able to get it up one night, she should be able to go out and find someone who can?
jo says: And if you love her how would you find yourself in that place to begin with?
Cheater says: well maybe not, maybe it just happen to be a situaional low in the relationship acccompanied by overwhelming stress from the work place
Cheater says: well lets say you are hangin out with the guys at one of your friends homes drinking, just trying to relax and escape life for a little while, you get too drunk and some women friends of you buddies show up and start coming on to you
jo says: then you repeat the following line.
jo says: NO I'm married.
jo says: No i'm married
jo says: No. I'm married and I made a promise.
Cheater says: it could happen, and you loving your wife had nothing to do with you being in that situation
jo says: Fuck that situational low
jo says: Then you get the fuck out of the situation
jo says: if you're that worried about these girls coming on to you... fucking leave
jo says: You don't cheat.
Cheater says: you are too drunk to walk out
Cheater says: and one of em undoes your pants and start sucking your johnson
Cheater says: ha ha
jo says: Then I guess you feel fucking guilty for the rest of your fucking life but you sure as shit don't tell her.
jo says: And you're still in the wrong.
jo says: If you're so drunk that you don't even know what the fuck you're doing... there's bigger issues.
Cheater says: yes true, I agree with that
Cheater says: but I dont think that a situation such as that, should be automatic grounds for termination. Maybe the man is a wonderful dad, a caring husband very generous with his time and money with his family...is a good person
jo says: Obviously he isn't.
jo says: If he is haning out in situations where this kind of thing could happen.
jo says: If he is hanging out with guys who know girls (or knows girls on his own) who would have so little regard for his marriage.
Cheater says: he is not hangin out in these situations, prior to this his friends house had never had this kinda women hangin arounds
jo says: And for the most part, girls don't just jump on without some sort of invite.
Cheater says: Not true, I have been in several situations where It was difinately clear that I was not interested but the women chose to continue the pursuit of physicalnesss
jo says: Well then you're just a fucking special boy aren't ya... because mostly we don't jump on ya without some sort of indication that you'd be willing.
jo says: We're much more uncomfortable with rejection.
Cheater says: any way I am not trying to prove the likely hood of a woman jumping on his joke uninvited, I am merely saying that a single act of indescretion should be automatically a divorce..it is a problem to be worked through with people who truely love eachother
jo says: And I disagree...
Cheater says: that should have been should not be
jo says: A single act of indiscretion indicates that he or she has no regard for the individual.
jo says: For the person's feelings.
Cheater says: maybe they have plenty of regard for the other person but just made a mistake or slipped up
Cheater says: well anyway, I do appreciate you sharing your opionion with me.
jo says: But see that's the base of our argument... I say that there should be no slip up or mistake making because the basic premise the very original deal behind marriage is "Forasking all others"
jo says: Forsaking not forasking.
jo says: Basically you've made a promise not to fuck someone else and that promise should always be in the back of your head.
Cheater says: I am trying to get a monogram design to etch into my dads wine bottles
jo says: Hee... I notice you give up the argument... you're learning. That sounds like a nice idea, a monogram.
Cheater says: well, it was not one I thought I could change, just thought it is one I could could give people something to think about
jo says: Nope, not me on this one.
jo says: There are 2 things automatically grounds for divorce in my world... cheating & physical abuse.
jo says: Perhaps since Michelle agreed with me that's something for you to think about.
jo says: Or I agreed with Michelle...

He didn't respond to that portion... :)dumbass (I will say that while I'm tipsy and this makes me swear more, it doesn't change my views on affairs)

Added at 8:00 this morning: Upon further reflection on this conversation I should've asked that what person as an adult (not as a 21 year old kid) gets so drunk at his friend's house that he is incapable of extricating him from the situation... not that he had to drive home but get out of the situation he is in. And let's face it... if he really is THAT drunk... the johnson probably isn't going to be standing at attention any time soon.

On drunkenness and tits...

And eventually moral turpitude part 3 but I'll post that after the convo is done...

So... V and I went out drinking tonight and I will say that I'm still drunk. I have to sober up before I go to bed so I may not make it to the gym tomorrow morning. How frightening that I can type this with my head tilted back on the sofa and my eyes closed. And be mostly correct in my typing, although once I open my eyes I will edit this... So, back to my drunken story. We were out and met these two boys. One of whom was straight and married and the other was gay and in a committed relationship, although I do feel bad, I dropped the gay guy's wedding ring on the floor. But I picked it up. So the straight guy, I found out about 1/2 way through the evening is married, I didn't know that originally and he wants to see my tits. We have a whole discussion about the fact that he is married. And here's where I may be a tiny bit hypocritical especially in light of moral turpitude part 3 (but is flashing someone a tit cheating? probably not). Oh look, I just shared... I flashed str8 guy a tit. Then the other. That may be the 1st time I've done that in a bar, but he challenged me. He claimed I was not the size I am. :( Like he knows... he thought I was only a 34 band... HA! I don't know when I saw that band size... maybe in high school... Luckily the bar was almost empty... I definitely wouldn't have done it if it were full like usual.

The other news is that I may have picked up a different straight guy. One who is single, but honestly I didn't get a 100% straight vibe from him. I gave him my email though, and he gave me his card so... who knows... I'll get some random email tomorrow from him and have no idea who it is. :) And here I was actually thinking of making a deal with the devil (moral turpitude guy) because he seems to be the only one in the world lately who is even remotely interested in seeing me naked. I'm having a bit of a low esteem moment, although Michelle is very right in that fucking him would solve nothing and in fact probably plummet the self esteem even worse. In my more cognizant moments I know this... but sometimes... hell it feels nice to be wanted, even if it is by pervy mc perv.

Speaking of Pervy Mc Perv, I got on the elevator after work today and this guy on the elevator stared at my tits the whole ride up. It isn't like he was subtle either... Full blown head down staring... I know I'm proud of them and all, and sadly I do get some self worth from their size (God I would totally get breast cancer and lose the only 2 things I like about myself, breasts & hair) but still...

Bridget Jones & Hockey... a review

Last night I went and saw the Seattle Thunderbirds at the Key Arena. I went with a coworker and her husband. They clearly sit in the seats we sat in regularly because they knew everyone around us and talked a lot to them. It was a good game. The Seattle team won by 2 points. The players are all pretty young, so it is like a college game almost. But unlike a college game where there are offenses called every minute or 2, they let these kids get pretty far. There were something like 3 fights. Even though I'm against violence, there's something about a hockey fight... It is the one outlet I have to get out my aggression. (Damn cujo just started barking again!)

Today I went and saw Bridget Jones the Edge of Reason. If I hadn't just reread the book I may not have been as agitated by the glaring and sometimes unnecessary changes in story. It was cute though, and as a sequel it was fine. However, I really need to lay off the romantic comedies, watch a nice bloody action movie or something.

Final thought... work study student (and I know I've been talking about him a lot lately, he has been in my office a lot lately) agrees that I give off a don't fuck with me vibe. We were discussing the bus and riding the bus and I told him my theory that I give off that vibe, he was like "Yeah you do." Then he tried to backpedal when I glared at him.

Veggie Saturday

Ahh... I love weekends like this one. I've nothing on the agenda except hockey tonight. I'm still in my jammies. I have at least showered but then put pjs back on because really, what's more comfy than jammies? I ate a yummy doughnut for breakfast. I'm thinking nachos for lunch. I began and finished Bridget Jones the Edge of Reason. Now I want to see the movie, but I'm more wary because the way Bridget ends up in Thailand varies from book to movie. (Not surprising but hmm...)

Life is good, but I'm a sap...

I've long admitted that I am a complete and total sap. I was watching Joan of Arcadia tonight and sobbing freely. The show has high heartstring tugging tendencies anyway, but tonight's episode. Bawlsville. It is like I'm 5 or something.

But life is good for multiple reasons...

1 - My food order came in from Kinnikinnick foods so I have fresh doughnuts and hamburger buns and pretzels. Yes, although I ordered crackers, pretzels are what arrived in my box. I called and was like, "Um I'm not Canadian so I'm not sure if pretzels are crackers in Canada but I ordered crackers and got pretzels." I'm sure the extremely nice Canadian customer service rep hung up on me after the call and said what an idiot American I just talked to. They are shipping my crackers at no cost. :)

2 - I called and abandoned Showtime for HBO. Until Dead Like Me comes back on Showtime. Their usual programming sucks ass.

3 - I had tacos for dinner. Y'all know how I loves me some tacos.

4 - I'm going to a hockey game tomorrow night. I also loves me some hockey. I'm fairly excited. I'm going with a coworker and her husband. I have been dorkily excited about this all week long. I am a geek sometimes I admit it.

5 - I am watching Beautiful Girls tonight on my newly subscribed to HBO and it is showing my favorite part ever. Where Rosie O'Donnell is lecturing Matt Dillon and Timothy Hutton about "real" women vs. the models that the boys love. It cracks my shit up.

6 - Work study student again spent the day entertaining me with his tales of 22ness. OH OH OH I just remembered the funniest thing he told me all day. So yesterday I posted about the futility of the Febreze Scent thingie... Today, work study student tells me he OWNS one of them. I nearly died of laughter. He claims his house is very neat and I would be surprised. I told him all men's bathrooms stunk, it is like a rule. He tried to bet me that if I went to his house it would not stink in the bathroom. I told him I liked my job too much to accept that bet since gambling with students is probably more than "frowned upon." Other random things I learned, he boned some girl and is now dating the best friend, but the best friend doesn't want to tell 1st girl they are going out. But that he can tell he's into her because he wakes up humming "American Music" by the Violent Femmes. I didn't get it either. He wants a girl who will take care of him. Apparently he needs a living alarm clock since he is incapable of getting up on his own. And finally, when I razzed him about being gay because he was making a big deal about the fact that my white computer keyboard does not match all the black computer components on my desk. He said something to the effect that he thought about it for a little while, but came to the conclusion it was not for him. The way he said it made me go... did he just admit to what I think he just admitted to? On his way out the door again I got the hand motion and not for him. He cracks my shit up. Seriously.

7 - Despite Michelle's distaste for Renee Zelweger (I'm well aware I've totally misspelled her name), I think I'm going to go see Bridget Jones this weekend. I liked the book although I'm having a hard time remembering it so I think I want to reread it before I see the movie.

Random Thoughts

I was going to go out with the boys tonight, but something about my stomach... It was very unhappy. Didn't really want to field trip too far from my apartment. I'm not sure what is making it that unhappy since all I had to eat was at the restaurant at around 2 then I was eating some red meat. I think it may have been TOO much red meat. Sometimes if I eat too much I get ill. Moving on...

Have you ever wondered where certain ideas come from? Like who came up with Febreze Scent Stories? Ok even though I linked to their site, I don't recommend going there. It has excessive flash. I hate excessive use of flash technology in websites. I'm on dialup (and I know I'm part of a dying breed but I refuse to pay all that extra cash when most of the time dialup works just fine). I will tell you, going to their site, the 'player' retails for 35 bucks. Do people really have so much money that they don't know what to do with it so they'll buy a fancy schmancy air freshener? That's kind of ridiculous. Pine Sol. About 3 - 4 bucks a bottle. Smells just fine too. :)

Another have you ever... wondered or thought that reality TV shows have gone too far? Seriously. Of course, I'm watching The Apprentice as I write this so I don't know that I'm one to talk. But so much of it is so mean now. My big fat obnoxious boss, the 25 million dollar hoax, and the biggest loser. It makes me a little bit sad. (Ok seriously, I have to start going to the gym again. I've not gone in 2 weeks and I think I might be going through endorphin withdrawal.)

Final thought... I'm becoming totally addicted to the game Shape Shifter on MSN. This may become a problem.

Kaili's Kitchen Review

I was really starting to think that somebody somewhere didn't want me to ever eat at this restaurant. Sunday, the Flexcar reservation system was down, so no way to get there. Today I go to get into the flexcar and my pin keeps coming up as invalid. For those unfamiliar with flexcar, I use a credit card type keycard to unlock the car door then inside is the key and a place to enter my PIN so that I can start the car. So it kept coming up invalid despite my getting out of the car, locking the doors and then unlocking them and entering the PIN. The card has a pin attached so if I were to have walked up to the car and someone had left it unlocked I still wouldn't be able to use my PIN on someone else's key card. So I field trip home, call flexcar and find out that the car had been left in valet mode (so that you don't have to use the PIN). They adjust it I field trip back out and am on my way. Out to Edmonds. That's far. Mapquest failed to tell me that 244SW and 205 are the same road so I drive in circles for about 25+ minutes. Finally found it... The restaurant reminds me of Tacks in Fairbanks a little bit. It is very mom & pop. The hamburger on a real bun was awesome. The bun was soft and tasted almost like I remember them. They offered to make me some barbecue sauce when I asked but I declined. Now the bad... the french fries tasted like they had been cooked in old oil and they were out of coke. They had some things in the 'bakery' I could purchase but I decided not to this time. I think I will have to go back out there at least one more time to give it a decent chance. I'd like to try the pizza or the fried chicken. Although seriously... it is WAY out there.

Brownie struggle

So here's a confession only for the 3 or so of you that read this on any sort of basis... I was a BAD elementary school teacher. At least one of you is now thinking, she was a teacher? :) Yes. I taught 6th grade for 1 year when I lived in AZ. And it was hard and I cried a lot. It wasn't that I didn't have fun ideas but I couldn't discipline the classroom. Some of the kids were out of control and that makes it no fun for anyone. My brownie meetings are becoming a lot like that. I have 2 kids that make me crazy. I can't convince them to shut the fuck up. As opposed to the classroom, Brownie meetings are supposed to be more relaxed, more fun. The problem is the balance between fun and making Joanne crazy. I'm too nice. I have a hard time saying 'no' (which given that you'd think I'd be much more slutty). Last year they were a little 'spirited' and it wasn't as big a deal. We were in a classroom not in the echoy breakroom at my office. And we didn't have the new Brownie grandma I have now. Her granddaughter is 6. Last week Brownie grandma yelled at the girls about respect and gave me a talking to about being stricter. I like this little girl. I'm glad we've got a new girl. She copies the older girls and is a little more 'spirited' than she should be. I want her to have fun. Her grandmother marched her back in at the end of the meeting with her crying and forced her to apologize for her behavior. This makes me sad. I don't want her to not want to come to Brownies because it isn't fun. I feel like it is my fault because she sees the other girls and gets all riled up by them. She was so cute before the meeting... she gave me a stick of gum in secret because she didn't want the other girls to konw. Luckily I have 2 weeks off (next week parent/teacher conferences and the following week holiday). We are going to have to get back to basics in December. These are the Girl Scout Laws. These are the rules we adhere to. And if necessary these are the consequences if you choose to not follow them. Yuck.

Personality Quirk

You know how there's those little personality quirks that you would totally get rid of if you could? I'm sitting here obsessing about something that I can't fix right now. That I'm pretty sure I'm right about and that I'll deal with in the morning. I HATE it when I obsess about something like this. I get this email all smackdowny from my boss (I swear shit ONLY happens when she is in the office...) about 2 people I missed the waive 1 year wait for our 10% contribution requirement. One, ok I'll cop to it. The other. I checked! Not only did I check but I even asked the wife and she said no. So there's something on my desk about this guy, I have no idea what it is yet I can't get it out of my head. I hate it when I obsess like this. And since I'm so pissy with myself for obsessing than I really can't get it out of my head.

AND in other annoying news... I have to go to QFC right now because my kitchen sink is FULL of water and not draining and hasn't moved for at least an hour. I hate my sink. I wish I had a disposall. It is probably totally my fault the sink doesn't drain.

Wandering downtown

Today after all of my other frustrations, I decided to go downtown and check out this rock & twig store that advertised a Gluten Free section. Let me tell you, 3 varieties of Pamela's Gluten Free cookies does not a Gluten Free section make. And thanks asshats for putting them with the low carb crap as if my diet falls into the fad diet catagory.

I caught the bus to Broadway to check out the newly redone QFC (formerly my favorite store Fred Meyer) because hypothetically the rock & twig section stayed the same as when it was Fred Meyer. I must give off a serious don't fuck with me vibe because the bus was fairly full and yet the new people getting on the bus never sat with me. They'd take the seat next to the crazy smelly guy before sitting next to me. More power to them and I get an entire bus seat all to myself. :) I have found a new breed of random stopper. The get off the bus and stop person forcing me to ram into them as I get off the bus. Yes you are now on firm ground, yes there are stores in front of you, now get the fuck out of my way.

The rock & twig section of Fred Meyer did NOT stay the same so no new crackers for me and I was forced (FORCED I say) to make chocolate chip muffins. :)

I'm very excited (and this is a somewhat sad thing to be excited about) that I have a conference to attend on Monday and Tuesday. I will be learning all about the exciting world of Medicare and Medigap coverage. It will help me help our employees so that's a good thing. PLUS we have Thursday off because of Veteran's Day so I have all of 2 days at work next week. AND my boss is coming in on Monday instead of Friday so I have 0 days with my boss at work.

Finally, if you are at the mall with your small children. Pay fucking attention to them! The mall was somewhat crowded (nowhere near what it will become) yesterday and there's this woman pushing a stroller full of packages calling out "Megan" or whatever little kid's name was. If she is small enough to still ride in a stroller, you should probably pay better attention to her. Maybe leash her or you know, make her ride in the stroller.

Final thought, when did Sarafina come back into style as a name? I've heard it twice in the last month or so. I like it and actually thought about using it if through some freak chance I ever had a kid. BUT it seems the baby names I like have a tendency to come into vogue. Emma, I loved the name Emma, but now thanks to Friends I can't have it because I won't be THAT mom. :)

Frustrating morning!

So this morning I had a brilliant idea that I was going to go to a health food store on Bainbridge Island and then to this GF restaurant in Edmonds. So this is major fieldtripping. Luckily I went to the health food store's website to cconfirm that they carry any Kinnikinnick foods. Kinnikinnick's website theorizes that they do. They currently don't. :( So I ordered a bunch of stuff online and 1 part of my field trip is now cancelled. I figured I'd still go to Kaili's Kitchen and have lunch and maybe pick up a few goodies. Sigh. Flexcar's reservation system is down. They can't accept new reservations and what not... So no trip to Edmonds for me either. I will field trip to the new QFC up on Broadway to see if their rock & twig section survived the overhaul. When it was Fred Meyers I was able to get my crackers there, and I'm out of crackers. :( MY QFC does not apparently carry the crackers, despite my asking them to.

I have a headache.

Shop til I drop

And boy did I! Today I hopped the 41 to Northgate Mall to shop like I haven't shopped in months (since spring when I used the other half of my gift card). There were sales going on at the Bon Macy's, Nordstroms, JC Penney, Lane. It was a good day. I ended up buying 2 pairs of jeans, 2 new bras (one is one of those push up types... who knew girls with big tits needed push up, but it definitely makes a difference...), 1 pair work pants, 7 pairs of socks (2 are some incredibly soft material that are so warm and fuzzy and cozy that I may never take them off...), and 4 tops. It was all good shopping I say! I also bought a ticket to The Lion King in January. The other very exciting thing at the mall was the cast of Veronica Mars. I could've stood in line and got their autographs, however the line went past something like 6 shop fronts and out the door, so I decided I wasn't THAT excited to get their autographs. But in the very exciting news front, I am officially down a pants size, and my new jeans and workpants reflect that! :) Most alarming thing I saw today... headlights, on a mannequin at JC Penney. Disturbing enough to see nips on a dummy, BUT the dummies don't even have heads or arms or legs so it is just torso with nips. Very disturbing. I think I should sue. I'm determined to live in the style to which I would like to be come accostomed without actually having to work at a different or second job.

Student Worker

Our student worker cracks my shit up. He is so positive he is right about his views, like he doesn't really see the other side. (I mean I think my views are right, but at least I can see other points of view.) He's been up in my office a lot lately doing filing and we have these random talks about weird crap. Today for some reason he asked if I would change my last name when I get married. I told him it depended on the last name. He seemed to have a problem with that, but ultimately a girl should take her husband's was his point. I told him that if the guy's name is something like Dickshitz, I ain't taking it. I tried to move the convo to something a little less weird so I asked him if he was going home for Thanksgiving. Somehow we ended up talking about me & my family and he has a hard time with the phrase "You know, that isn't really something you need to know about." as he tried to convince me that I should get along better with my mother. Finally, he was telling me about these 2 girls the he has hmmm... the word isn't dated, more like screwed but he definitely did not say that. He's fairly cautious about saying stuff like that. He cracks my doodie up because when he is trying not to talk about stuff like that he won't say it but makes all these gestures so that we can figure it out. Ruth, my coworker, says I should really make his head explode and tell him I'm not having any children. Apparently, I'm the only one who gets these wacky stories.

Gah! My mother...

There's a reason I never tell my parents anything or ask them for advice. Mostly because they always go overboard. That and they treat me like I'm a moron when really, I'm not. Well, and then there's the fact that they don't listen and on the rare aoccassions they do, the situation is somehow my fault. Two examples. I was once crying... CRYING on the phone ot my mother about a horrible job situation. In the middle of my telling her about it, she said "Did I tell you about the new Noah's Ark windchime I bought?" That was pretty much it. After that I didn't bother. Huh... I just found a previous post where I griped about her...

So against my better judgement and because she used to be a realtor, I asked her opinion on a coop I was looking at. And by looking at I mean I saw an ad that seemed kind of interested and I was trying to decide if I even wanted to call the guy. This was 2 weeks ago. Since then she has been obsessing about me purchasing property, and not in a good way. First she keeps sending me links to properties. And then there was today's IM...

1karrol says:
My subconscious has been working on the question of your interest in a condo/coop/??? I'm just going to type straightaway. These are things that came to mind. How do you pay for major changes (i.e. new roof)? How old are your heating and airconditioning units. Is each owner responsible for his/hers/its? When was the building inspected last? What were the findings? Can I speak to a tenant who is not related to you? You need to know what the physical plant is like and how it is kept up. You don't want to find you have a maintenance bill of $8,000 this month. How are the elevators maintained. When were they rebuilt (unless you're on the ground or second floor. Then you don't really care. See what I mean? We're talking about your house here. Termite inspections? Bug infestations?

Jesus fucking christ. What am I 9? Yeah I've never purchased a home before, but it isn't like I'm going to buy a new place to live the same way I buy a new pair of shoes. Or a pack of bubble gum at the store. I am fairly sure she didn't put my little sister through all this and she bought a foreclosure house for fuck's sake! Christ, this is why I don't ask her things...

From the mouths of babes...

Last night one of my brownies came in and announced she was moving to Canada. I looked to her mother who said, "No, we're not." Apparently like much of the rest of the Kerry loving world, she has decided Canada is a better option than 4 more years of Bush. My only real thought on this, is it wrong that I was briefly happy? She is my least favorite, most noisy, most disruptive, most PITA brownie. I thought I might have a little freedom. Not so much apparently. She was creating such a rukus that another mother actually yelled at them tonight and said to me, "I'm an old fashioned black mama" then gave me a little lecture about how I shouldn't have to ask them multiple times to do something, they should just do it and I'm too nice. Sigh.

Letter to the editor update

So you may or may not have read my letter to the editor post but I now have been contacted by Glamour magazine and they may put my letter in the magazine. I am wrongly excited by this. :) It may not happen, so I shouldn't get TOO excited, but I am a little bit even though it is for a totally dumb reason.

Voting

So this morning I went and cast my ballot. I won't bore you with who I voted for or even a rant about why you should vote, but I will share an interesting discussion I had with my dad this morning. He asked me if I voted and I asked him and he had said he had done so a couple of weeks ago, absentee ballot. (on a side note, I don't understand why people vote absentee. I get it if you are not going to be there, but it isn't like he isn't at home this morning and since he is retired, it isn't like he has a whole lot on his agenda). Anyway, back to my point. My father is a Republican. He's been a Republican forever. I am his "Commie pinko bedwetting daughter" voting for the liberal daughter. He's also nearing 70. I can remember being a child and the Regan/Mondale election coming up and discussing it with my best friend of the time and being positive I would be a Republican too when I grew up. Although I can remember being kind of excited about Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate, because I thought it would be good to get a woman in the office. (Ahh even back then liberal leanings). Back to my father, he voted Republican, of course. But it was his comment about voting this year that caught me. He doesn't agree with Bush on stem-cell and abortion. He also said that it was hard to get really excited about any of the 4 candidates (AZ) and it was the first time that's ever happened to him. The man's been voting for about 50 years and yet this is the first time he has ever questioned his choices, and wasn't 100% behind his party's candidate. Wow. That boggles the mind.

Moral Turpitude, part two

Well, his moral turpitude extends beyond brotherly threesomes and campus sexcapades to include cheating on a spouse. Witness our recent (as in still going on) IM conversation.

Michelle says:
did you ever cheat on anyone?
Cheater says:
depends, kinda a gray area
Michelle says:
why gray?
Cheater says:
yes I have
Michelle says:
did anyone ever cheat on you?
Cheater says:
um I thing so
Cheater says:
why?
Michelle says:
watching an oprah about cheaters
Michelle says:
and this one woman is staying with her husband who cheated
Michelle says:
and i have a friend who stayed with her husband after he cheated
Michelle says:
if i ever found out bryan cheated i would let him know with the divorce papers
Cheater says:
I think that in many cases it is still a fairly good idea to stay with your husband or wife after a cheaing episode
Michelle says:
hell no
Michelle says:
why would i want to be with anyone who would do that to another person?
Cheater says:
The way I see it is that a marriage is a commitment of life togather because it is important to both persons. Just because one of em got some on the side would not necessarily denote grounds to end a life long commitment that was so important to both people
Cheater says:
I mean really what actuall harm is done
Cheater says:
Its not like your husbands prick has not ever been in another woman
Michelle says:
well, it is a commitment like a contract. bound by certain terms which are agreed to by b oth parties
Michelle says:
if one party breaches the contract by violating one of the terms, forget it
Cheater says:
the act itself is not really anything new, just the date after which it took place
Michelle says:
so then i am thinking you should probably stay single
Michelle says:
or find someone who agrees with your terms
Michelle says:
i do not
Cheater says:
well, I am just saying that if you are married to the right person I dont think that a single act of indescretion is worth ending this holy sacred alliance between two people if it is really that great of a union which it should be if you get married then an accidental slip up should not be enough to end such a union
Michelle says:
my argument is that if you are married to the right person, there are no accidental slip ups
Michelle says:
if it is that great, there is no reason for it
Cheater says:
we are only human, and humans make mistakes period.
Michelle says:
a mistake is buying crunchy instead of plain peanut butter, not slipping your dick into some woman who isn't your wife
Cheater says:
the woman I cheated on was one I never thought I would. I was really into her...but one night I got really drunk and blacked, I came too because of a pain to my neck which was this woman on top of me given me a hicky while my shlong was in her.
Cheater says:
I had been an active participant but not really consciously aware of it until the pain
Cheater says:
slipping your dick into another woman phsically hurts no one, I would think a single act of violance would be grounds for ending a marriage.
Cheater says:
and emotionally hurts no one if she dont ever find out
Michelle says:
but is that really the kind of person you want to be?
Cheater says:
what kind?
Michelle says:
the kind who doesn't care about another person's feelings... a person who you would presumably care enough about to marry or otherwise commit to?
Cheater says:
Um no, this was not my description of someone I was aspiring to be, just pointing out facts
Michelle says:
well, you seem to agree with that reasoning
Cheater says:
I just think that the holy vow of marriage should withstand a single act of indescretion that phyically hurts no one
Cheater says:
God forgives and probably expects us to forgive people too.
Now someone who is a cheater as oppoosed to an accidental shaggin should lose his or her significant other
Michelle says:
well, i think anyone who would break such an important promise is capable of more than one "indiscretion" and i am not going to stick around for an encore
Cheater says:
to each her own
Michelle says:
ya, no agreeing on this one
Cheater says:
nope

Dear Workcrush

Those blond highlights really aren't working for you. Consider letting them grow out and not putting them back in.

Thanks,
Your everloving stalker

Moral Turpitude

It seems I'm on a weird sex story theme lately so I've got another one for y'all. Also involving a person I know from Alaska.

Now, previously I have ranted about this gentleman because we get into these long stupidass moral discussions. Sometimes I have enough clarity of mind to stop it before the discussion starts. Recently he told me he is buying his 6 year old daughter a bb gun. He knows how I feel about guns. I am against them, I am against them in the home and I could go on but I won't. (Nor do I really give a rat's ass if you, dear reader, is all about the right to bear arms). So all I said was that's nice. He asked if I had any opinions and I said something about questioning the thought of giving a gun to a 6 year old but whatever it was his choice. He pushed again and I replied something to the effect that he knows my views and he is just looking to argue with me and I'm moving along and changing the subject. Last night, however, drunkenness outweighed good thought and I got into another one with him. This time we were discussing dating students. He was giving me shit because I only go to gay bars and work at a religious institution how will I ever find Mr. Right. I rightly pointed out that the bulk of the folks here at my religious institution are off limits because they are students and that is more than "frowned upon" (tm Ross from Friends) I'd be fired. He tried to point out that they don't have such rules at UAF, which after a moment on the UAF site, I discovered that indeed they do. So we were having some assanine discussion about this and to some degree sexual harassment. He has made some comments to me in the past recanting stories about stuff he has said to coworkers that go beyond walking the sexual harassment line. I'm kind of surprised sometimes he still has his job. Anyway, part way through the discussion I had this thought (alarming sex story coming up)... He had a threesome with his brother. (He told me about it some time ago) I am listening to a morals discussion from a guy who had a threesome with his BROTHER? He told me that there was NO guy on guy action (which since he is from like Iowa isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility), but he was fascinated to see them both using some of the same moves. It boggles the mind with the freaky deakyness of this.

Edited because I fixed the typo so now there is NO guy on guy action...

Damn Lesbians

Always hitting on me. I didn't know I gave off the 'I love pussy' vibe. Apparently I do. Another lesbian all rubbing up against me and dancing with me.

Also, if you are going to a bar (that you can assume will be crowded because it is a Halloween Party), don't wear a costume with big protruding parts. You just get in the way and it is annoying.