I read a Dear Abby letter today that represents in a nutshell why I'm as pro-choice as I am. (I don't go in for that only in certain cases bullshit or don't use it for birth control. Anyone who wants one should have no problems having one even if it is their 10th one in 10 years. I don't believe in forcing anyone to be parents who wouldn't or shouldn't. I honestly believe this for the sake of the children. In the parenting class I used to teach and in some of the children I used to teach I saw what happened to kids whose parents shouldn't have had them. I know plenty who say my beliefs deprive a child of a life, but the way I see it, they save a potential soul from a whole lot of grief. Let that soul go into a child that IS wanted and will be nurtured (You know if I believed in souls and all that crap I'd be down with reincarnation more than the whole heaven and hell thing)) So here's the letter:
DEAR ABBY: I'm 26 and have never wanted children. Last year, however, two
lines appeared on a pregnancy test and 41 weeks later the girl was born. I
pleaded and begged my husband throughout the pregnancy to sign adoption
papers with me. He refused. He is in the military and was gone through most
of the last seven months. We now live thousands of miles from my family, and
I am miserable, stuck with a colicky baby who still doesn't sleep through
the night.
I find no joy, no pleasure and no love being a mother. I can't sleep knowing I must
wake up to a crying baby and the same routine of feeding, diapers, baths and
bottles. I have become more and more detached from the girl and have nothing to
enjoy. Showers are short. Dinners are rushed and usually cold. I can't even
enjoy a cup of coffee without looking over my shoulder to see where the girl is.
I don't want her to touch me, and I can barely hide my revulsion when I have to
pick her up.
I am exhausted beyond belief, and my thoughts are turning darker every day. It's
not the girl's fault she was born, but I can't help feeling resentment and
anger toward this little person who more and more resembles a block of
concrete on my feet.
We can't afford day care, and we have no friends or relatives remotely close by. I can't stand to wake up much longer, and these long stretches of crying have my nerves shot and my hands itching to shake the girl until she shuts up. (I have never shaken her.) I'm scared of my feelings. What's wrong with me? Why can't I love my child? Should I put her in foster care? My husband can't stand her, either, but he's adamant that we keep her. Yet I'm suffering, and so is she. She deserves a mother who loves her.
The letter makes me so sad.At the rate this child is being raised she is well on her way to one fucked up adulthood. The right always goes on and on about kids being given up for adoption, but that doesn't happen as often as it should. (Now clearly in this case, abortion wasn't even an option since the husband apparently made the decisions.)
I may have to start getting involved in political volunteering. I don't want to do it, and I feel my skills are better used elsewhere, but it is becoming too big an issue to me to just sit idly by and allow others to do all the work.
5 comments:
What was Abby's response?
DEAR GOING CRAZY: It is not a crime not to feel maternal -- not everyone is. In a case like yours, adoption might have been the better option. I wish you had included your name, address or a phone number so I could have contacted you directly. Because you didn't, I can only recommend that before another day goes by, you contact the doctor who delivered your daughter, or her pediatrician, and repeat what you have told me. You may be suffering from post-partum depression, a hormonal condition that is treatable, and you may need a respite from motherhood.
Once your chemistry is balanced again, consider making a trip to visit your family for a few weeks. If you leave the baby with your husband, and he must assume responsibility for her care in your absence, he may begin to see the wisdom of placing her with a family who really wants her and is willing to accept the responsibility that goes along with having a baby. Please don't wait.
I disagree with Abby's part about leaving the daughter with the husband. If he can't stand her either, I would worry about her safety.
This is very sad. I'm with you in the liberal stuff and if some people know themselves well enough to make that decision, they are entitled to it.
This is just ONE woman, there are so many more out there.
I wish that woman had known about safe haven laws and had been willing to divorce a husband who is such a jackass.
The more I read about abortion and the changing views of Americans, and the risk of abortion becoming illegal again, the more scared I get for the futures of young women.
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