Saturday, March 12, 2005

Secretly a Lesbian

Michelle & Matty P make a big bunch of jokes about how I could be secretly a lesbian. Now ordinarily I laugh along and not really care, but an experience recently makes me wonder my own self. Michelle & I went shoe shopping as part of our great shopping adventures. Here’s where I think I’m secretly a lesbian (or maybe secretly a straight man, although I don't think I'm too into kissing girls)… I hate shoe shopping. I hate it with the fire of Mt. St. Helens currently erupting. I hate it more than Star Wars geeks hate Jar Jar Binks. Why do I hate shoe shopping you may ask? Oh so many reasons.

1 - I have fat little duck feet. Most shoes are too narrow for them. The cute ones are especially too narrow for duck feet.
2 – Most are too frou frouey for my taste. I don’t like little bows. I don’t like glitter & sparkles so much. Little thin straps make my feet look like they are in sausage casings. I do kind of like Mary Janes.
3 – The ones that aren’t like that are like grandma shoes. Grandma shoes are not fun.
4 – I don’t wear high heels. The little teeny tiny ones make me think I’m going to die by falling over. Thicker chunky styles are okay actually.
5 – The simple shoes I am seeking to wear with the few skirts I have apparently do not exist.


Peeved Michelle said...

It could just mean that you are Amish.

Kate the Peon said...

If you ever want to find out for sure how lesbianic you are, let me know. Maybe I could provide assistance, or something.

I mean, just to help you out.

Cindy-Lou said...

Your perfect shoes are out there, Joanne. Have faith!

Chicken said...

I have problems with shoe shopping as well. I feel like I am becoming old because I’m not interested in being 3 inches higher (I’m 5’10”) with platforms. In addition the popular pointy shoes make my feet look 3 feet longer and confine my toes in a 1 inch space of torture. Why does fashion have to supersede age and being comfortable?