Michelle & Matty P make a big bunch of jokes about how I could be secretly a lesbian. Now ordinarily I laugh along and not really care, but an experience recently makes me wonder my own self. Michelle & I went shoe shopping as part of our great shopping adventures. Here’s where I think I’m secretly a lesbian (or maybe secretly a straight man, although I don't think I'm too into kissing girls)… I hate shoe shopping. I hate it with the fire of Mt. St. Helens currently erupting. I hate it more than Star Wars geeks hate Jar Jar Binks. Why do I hate shoe shopping you may ask? Oh so many reasons.
1 - I have fat little duck feet. Most shoes are too narrow for them. The cute ones are especially too narrow for duck feet.
2 – Most are too frou frouey for my taste. I don’t like little bows. I don’t like glitter & sparkles so much. Little thin straps make my feet look like they are in sausage casings. I do kind of like Mary Janes.
3 – The ones that aren’t like that are like grandma shoes. Grandma shoes are not fun.
4 – I don’t wear high heels. The little teeny tiny ones make me think I’m going to die by falling over. Thicker chunky styles are okay actually.
5 – The simple shoes I am seeking to wear with the few skirts I have apparently do not exist.
4 comments:
It could just mean that you are Amish.
If you ever want to find out for sure how lesbianic you are, let me know. Maybe I could provide assistance, or something.
I mean, just to help you out.
Your perfect shoes are out there, Joanne. Have faith!
I have problems with shoe shopping as well. I feel like I am becoming old because I’m not interested in being 3 inches higher (I’m 5’10”) with platforms. In addition the popular pointy shoes make my feet look 3 feet longer and confine my toes in a 1 inch space of torture. Why does fashion have to supersede age and being comfortable?
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