Michelle & Matty P make a big bunch of jokes about how I could be secretly a lesbian. Now ordinarily I laugh along and not really care, but an experience recently makes me wonder my own self. Michelle & I went shoe shopping as part of our great shopping adventures. Here’s where I think I’m secretly a lesbian (or maybe secretly a straight man, although I don't think I'm too into kissing girls)… I hate shoe shopping. I hate it with the fire of Mt. St. Helens currently erupting. I hate it more than Star Wars geeks hate Jar Jar Binks. Why do I hate shoe shopping you may ask? Oh so many reasons.
1 - I have fat little duck feet. Most shoes are too narrow for them. The cute ones are especially too narrow for duck feet.
2 – Most are too frou frouey for my taste. I don’t like little bows. I don’t like glitter & sparkles so much. Little thin straps make my feet look like they are in sausage casings. I do kind of like Mary Janes.
3 – The ones that aren’t like that are like grandma shoes. Grandma shoes are not fun.
4 – I don’t wear high heels. The little teeny tiny ones make me think I’m going to die by falling over. Thicker chunky styles are okay actually.
5 – The simple shoes I am seeking to wear with the few skirts I have apparently do not exist.