Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I want my 2 and a half hours back!

I wanted to love the movie, I really really did. I saw all the other 5. I remember as a child seeing the '1st' one over and over on TV. We (my friend from elementary school, Joanne M - I was Joanne H) had most of the lines memorized at one point. I can honestly say I hated it.

Warning: I'm spoiling much of the movie so if you haven't seen it stop reading!

We'll start with why does George hate women? Although that was the quickest pregnancy in the history of mankind, I guess we were to infer that 9 or so months had passed during this period. I say the guy is a complete mysoginistic asshole seeing as how a woman brought all this about essentially. He was afraid of losing the woman he loved so he would do anything to save her. Matthew chooses to believe that the images of her dying were planted in Anakin's head just to mess with him and gain control. Also he (George) takes a formerly strong female character and gives her the most trite crap dialogue and weakens her to a shell of a woman. Jeebus! She was painful to watch.

Which brings me to really painful to watch. I knew the kids died. I read that ahead of time, but actually seeing little moppet ask what to do and then seeing Anakin take out his light saber made my heart hurt.

The writing was shite. George cannot write a love story to save his life. The direction was shite. Those are some good actors he had, yet... they left me wanting. The action was pretty good. I totally didn't get the robot general and why he was coughing. Also why did the robots run as though in fear. They don't fear. That's the whole point. I liked the wookies but thought they were gratuitous. And finally, was I the only one who thought of Mr. Garrison's weird invention on some old South Park episode when the general climbed into his circular transporter when he and Obie Wan were fighting on that outer system.

Also... the 2 moles on Ewan McGregor's forehead totally distracted me. And the gentleman behind me was breathing so loudly. He would inhale and then his exhale would have that little pause like I don't even know how to describe it. Maybe like he had heartburn and was burping with his mouth shut. I don't know but that too was distracting. Of course it did help take away from the shite writing. At least now that he's done with the movies, we won't be subjected to this crap again.


Kate the Peon said...

Anakin & Queenie were so wooden Pinnochio could have had their roles.

Putnawa said...

The robot genreral wasn't entirely robotic. He had biological eyes, and internal organs. (Which is where Obi-Wan shot him.)

Most of the droids over-acted. Which is sad, as they were all CG. The battle droids' emotions, I believe, were meant as comic relieft, but George does comic relief about as well as he does love stories, the great stupid gob.

I'm not sure I want my two hours back, but I sure wish George had improved as a film maker over the last 30 years.

Peeved Michelle said...

As I mentioned last night, I think GL treated men just as badly as he treated women. Anakin was mentally weak and easily manipulated. All the other men were either power hungry or too stupid to figure out what was going on. The one person who knew what was going and wasn't evil, Yoda, still didn't do anything to stop and, in the end, fled to save his own life. Also, I don't think it was supposed to be a full nine months. I think she was already a few months pregnant when she shared the news. In the very next scene, she looks like she is about 4-5 months along. I know this because of the 900 pregnant women I work with.

Joanne said...

Well, yes the men weren't much better, but there was some good in them at least. And given that the movie was 99% male, there had to be SOME. Alderon's senator, for example, who took in Leia was a nice minor character who helped save both the babies and Yoda. (And yes I have to look to 1 minor character to get that. :) ) But the ONE token female character was both the cause of the downfall of everything - technically it was Anakin's obsessive love - and she was a spineless whimpering prat who spent the entire movie pining until she finally 'lost the will to live.' That was 1 step away from having the vapors due to too tight corsets. Give me a freakin' break. Was this the same woman who killed a monster while chained to a post? Who refused to give in when her people were being threatened? Suddenly she's in love and now useless? or in love & preggers & now useless? I can see both Yoda's and Obi Wan's admission of defeat. When it is 2 individuls against two different types of armies, they knew there was nothing they could do. And I don't think Yoda or Mace Wendu really fully got the plan until it was way too late. Denial or stupidity I don't know... They knew Palpatine was evil and were perhaps powerless to fix things. Palpatine had control of the Senate because of his 'emergency powers'. Yes Anakin was mentally weak and easily manipulated... But how much of that could be attributed to the fact that he's an 18ish year old kid who apparently had mommy issues. :) All in all just crap.

Kate the Peon said...

Joanne, I say this with love: It's unhealthy to know (and/or read that much into) that much about Star Wars.

Stephen said...

A slightly(?) different perspective - and I'm no StarWars/GL apologist...

RE: Mysogeny
I didn't see the flicks as mesogynistic, although parts were. In fact, from my POV, Padme was far stronger than Anakin. It was his confusion and fear that toasted the world, not love for Padme.

RE: Anakin
I didn't view Anakin as being manipulatable. I viewed him as being seriously confused by the multiple conflicting requests. It's sort of like that RoboCop movie where he gets conflicting orders.
In the face of contradiction, he simply gave up and latched onto the best opportunity for control - to regain clarity.
Course he probably also wanted learn the midi-clorian java dance...

RE: Padme
I don't think she died because 'her man left her'. I think she died because the Republic was dying and she was symbolic of the old democracy. Certainly, you could argue she was giving up by dying, but I prefer to view it more as a release like Obi-Wan in A New Hope. I think her heart was on the precipice when she told Anakin she thought they might be on the wrong side. Then her heart started breaking when she watched the Senate applaud fascism, and finally gave up when the person closest to her embraced the very thing that was killing her. Edge. Meet. Jump.