Thursday, April 07, 2005

Proof of dorkage part 2

Once upon a time Matty P had a rant on his blog about a yahoo search that resulted in a hit. The sentence... "I'm such a big lesbian." I think I may have trumped him... The search that resulted in a hit to mine: Why does Joanne have a big fat ass? I am traumatized. I seriously may need to look into therapy over this one. I guess I can't complain too much, I also got a hit based on 'florida stripper in a firehouse.'

Also, I decided this morning not to shower. I work in an office, how stinky can I really get. I was feeling lazy and tired and the extra 30 min was better served sleeping. As I was getting dressed at 7:30, (I really really need to LEAVE by 7:40 to be on time to work even though I walk.) I make the random decision to put on a skirt. And as obsessions can be with me, once I've decided something, I'm not really going to change my mind. However, here's the problem... I haven't shaved my legs in several weeks. I wear pants all the time, I live alone, what reason do I have to do it on a regular basis? None. Now, here's where normal people would abandon the plan, but not this heroine. I did not abandon the plan. I stood outside the bathtub, wet down one leg and shaved, the whole while the other leg was slipping on the bathmat on the floor because it doesn't have the little sticky stuff on the bottom that prevents it from slipping. Then realized it was stupid to stand outside the bathtub as I tried the 2nd leg and stood in the bathtub. I cut the right knee about 8 times. But now I have newly shaven legs. Newly shaven legs this color. Can barely see that, can you? That would be because the words are white... with just a hint of pink. Which I am now exposing to the world on a totally rainy Thursday because seriously, sometimes I'm a freak. BUT, there is an upside to this story, I got complimented on my skirt 3 times this morning. Everything for a reason I suppose. (Unfortunately none of these were from workcrush who probably seriously thinks I'm a freak)


Peeved Michelle said...

When that happens, I usually haul my leg up into the sink for last minute shaving. It usually happens with a pair of capri pants, though, so I don't have to shave that much.

TIMMY! said...

I hate shaving too...I don't think I could be a woman, and if I was a woman, I would move to europe and pretend I never heard of America so I wouldn't have to shave anything, ever.

Putnawa said...

You really make life more complicated than it needs to be, don't you?

I'm glad you shaved. Good for you.

But my big concern today is whether or not you a) carried your umbrella and b) used it to prevent that nifty "drowned-rat" look we've talked about.

Joanne said...

I carried my umbrella. I have not used it yet because it wasn't raining on my way to work at all. At lunch time I didn't walk far enough to need it. It isn't like I ALWAYS walk 40 blocks for lunch.

And yes, it is my nature to make my life as complicated as possible.

Peeved Michelle said...

That's why I sometimes give you THAT LOOK. Not everything has to be so hard.

Kate the Peon said...

J, I've done the same sort of thing.

Putnawa said...

I'm going to practice THAT LOOK now so PM's feedback is reinforced.

I'm practicing now.

Stephen said...

Timmy - garbage disposals are not appropriate for shaving your cheeks.

It clogs the dishwasher.