greener grass

Top 3 Good Things About Being Married
1- The security of having someone else be partially responsible for my well being. If I got laid off or was unable to work or something like that, there is someone else around who can share the load with me and take care of things. I wouldn't have to resort to going back to live with my parents who aren't even going to be around when I get old. (So, this would be a good thing for Joanne whose mom is crazy and both her mom and dad aren't exactly in their youthful prime.) For me, I would not have had this same feeling living with someone who said he was always going to be around but who I wasn't married to, so marriage was my choice.

2- Companionship. It is nice to have someone around to talk to and share things with. I never have to worry about finding someone to do things with when I want to. I have someone who is fairly obligated to do things with me. This is probably the easiest one to get without being married, though. If I was single and had a close girlfriend as a roommate and a good circle of friends? Problem solved. Notice I said "girlfriend", however, I don't think a gay best friend suits the purpose as well. They are great for many things, but there are some things they will never be able to help with. Sending someone to the store for feminine products when I am sick is a good example. Either a husband or a best girl friend would go for me. A gay best friend? Not so much.
(Note: I IM'd my husband and he said that I am the reason he chose married life over single life and that companionship is the #1 benefit.)

3- Physical affection. People need hugs. It is a scientific fact. The cuddling, the snuggling - all very nice. A person doesn't necessarily get sex whenever a person wants it when they are married, but very nearly. Like most things, though, I find that if I can get it whenever I want it, I start to want it less. Still, even disregarding sex, it is nice to have someone around who touches me out of love and affection. This I can get with a boyfriend, but since I am a woman I will find myself thinking neurotic things like, "How come I am always the one who hugs first?" or "Why won't he hold my hand right now?" Things are more certain in a marriage. I am no longer thinking about what he really feels about me. I know. He married me.
(Note: My husband also cites "no more worries about STDs" as a benefit. Nice.)

Top 3 Bad Things About Being Married
1- He is always there. This is the flip side to #2 Companionship above. I am, by nature, a solitary person. My husband is a very social person. I need time alone. I like to be by myself; not all the time, but on a fairly regular basis. The time I spend commuting in my car doesn't count either. I need quality time alone with myself. I used to do a lot more things alone. Work out. Crafts. Write. Clean. This may also be a result of having to commute to work, but honestly, that is one of the bad things about being married, too. If I wasn't married, I would be able to live closer to my job and I wouldn't have to commute and I would have a lot more free time.

2- There is so much stuff to do. Truthfully, I don't know if this is associated with marriage as much as it is with home ownership, but it always seems like there is something to do that has to be done by a certain date looming in the very near future and that isn't necessarily something I want to do. Whether this a result of being married or of owning a home is hard to say, but I wouldn't own a home if I wasn't married. Maybe. About a year before I got engaged, it seemed like my husband (then boyfriend) and I might break-up, so I was living with my parents, paying off my debt, and saving for a condo.

3- Anger. The more you love someone, the angrier you can get with them. There is a special kind of anger that comes only with being married. No one can push me over the edge as much as my husband. Also, I sometimes have to give in on something that I don't want to just because I know that he is getting angry like this and it isn't worth the trouble it is going to cause to stand firm on my position.

Like I said, there are trade-offs. For me, the good outweighs the bad. Marriage isn't for everyone, though. My brother-in-law, for instance, will probably never get married, but there is a good chance he will be with his girlfriend for the rest of his life. I found someone who I feel I can stay with for the rest of my life. I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe that he and I were meant to be together. I do believe that we are compatible, in love, and committed to making our marriage work. I like being married.

That said, if my husband died or something bad enough happened to make us get divorced, I don't know if I would get married again. Now that I have been married and know what it is like, I can also appreciate the single life more now than when I was living it.