Sunday, August 07, 2005

You ever think you're over something or that something doesn't bother you and then all of a sudden you're confronted with the fact that you're not? That something still can rear its ugly head and send you into a vortex you really weren't expecting? Today while playing with MP I discovered one of those such things.

Today I was standing in a toy store with Matty and there's an entire section of Breyer Horses. And all I could think of was how much my older sister loved those stupid horses. And how much my family scoffed at her for them. And it made me sad which made me quiet. Matty & I had been talking about something else earlier and he assumed my quietness was related to that and that I was sulking. Not a bad assumption since sometimes Matty has all the sensitivity of a bull in a china shop (to quote my poppy). (Seriously Matty, sometimes you can just say "maybe there's a better outfit for you to wear" rather than "yet another potato sack") :P And I found myself quite surprised to be crying. And I couldn't help but think, what the fuck... how can her death still bother me three years later? But I guess it does. Who knew?

9 comments:

Putnawa said...

Yes, but where's the fun in saying "Maybe there's a better outfit"? In truth, I liked that T-shirt, but it's like a uniform with you. *sigh* It's like you've been possessed by a 12-year-old boy.

As for your sister and the horses, you're allowed to miss people when they're dead. It doesn't mean you're not over their death; it means you miss them. That's how these things work.

Joanne said...

If I were possessed by a 12-year-old boy, the t-shirt would've have some pithy slogan or band name emblazoned across it.

Joanne said...

Matty, how do you miss someone you barely knew? The Thanksgiving before she died was the first time we had spoken in over 3 years. Not for any falling out reason. Not because of any issues. But because our worlds were so far apart we had nothing to say to each other.

Kate the Peon said...

There's still a bond with family, no matter how well you knew them. Maybe you miss the chance to know her better. But I agree with MP; you're completely entitled to still miss her.

Peeved Michelle said...

Perhaps MP doesn't need to comment on your clothes at all. Since I am the boss over you, that is my job.

Mishka said...

Missing things and people is normal. My biological father is dead now and has been for 5 years. I was thinking about him on his birthday in July. He hurt a lot of people in his life and the only reason he is dead is because he made bad choices in how to use his body, but I still miss the fact that I didn't get to know the "non-addict" side of him better.

I am sure your sister and you had some great times together as kids even if you had grown distant as adults and it is easy to think back on those times and miss them.

Don't beat yourself up too much. "Getting over" things is sometimes overated.

Putnawa said...

If you're going to be the boss of her, PM, you're going to have to step it up, or I'll have to take over.

Peeved Michelle said...

Nope. That's totally my call.

Putnawa said...

Yeah, no.