Don't look back

In general I try to live without too many regrets. Well really without any actually. Today I was reading something from the past and it made me a little sad. I hate it when that happens.

In other thoughts, I'm joining the senior members of the former cult of the virgins (senior members because they're seniors in college) at this senior cruise tomorrow night. I may or may not regret this. I am hoping I don't, but definitely wondering if it will be weird since countless colleagues may be there. And I'm just now realizing that...

One of those days...

I'm having a bad hair day. I don't like anything that I've done to it so far. I may have to just braid it and be done with it.

I got toothpaste in my eye this morning while showering. (Yes I brush my teeth in the shower.) I was putting the paste on the brush and somehow there was an air bubble in the paste and it popped a little bit and caused some to get in my eye so now my eye hurts. (My father claims that your eye itself can't hurt because there are no nerves in it but I tell you it is my eyeball that hurts.) Somehow, though, I was actually on time to work today so thank goodness for small miracles.

I'm reading a new book. Bitter is the New Black. I can't for the life of me remember who suggested it to me, but it is HYSTERICAL. For some reason I thought Sheesh was the recommender, but I checked back to the post she had books listed in and that wasn't one of them. I know if I were to meet this person in real life, I would totally hate her since she pretty much is everything I am against, but as a character in a book, funny as hell. Although the fact that this is actually a memoir makes it a little more alarming because she really is at least on some level like this. I also finished Sophie Kinsella's Undomestic Goddess (that was on Sheesh's list). I liked it. It was cute, albiet predictable but a quick weekend read.

I'm considering applying for another job. I know I should just do it and just applying isn't actually getting and blah blah blah and if it were most other places I wouldn't bother, but this place is fairly cutting edge and I could make good money. (I assume better than what I make here) And it isn't just some corporate sell my soul to the devil type of place... they actually do good work. They'd be close to home too so I wouldn't have to get a car to do a big commute. I don't know why I'm such a weirdo about this type of thing. Most likely neuroses. :) That and having to find new references makes me neurotic too.

I'm also considering starting a new volunteering gig at the Center for Wooden Boats. It would require a regular shift and regular hours which I think is why I'm hesitating. That and the fact that I'm considering becoming the Service Unit Manager for my Girl Scout Service Unit (a thankless job at best :) ) makes me hesitate. But I think the center would be a really fun place to volunteer and I could learn about boat building and work on boats. (I think I'd want to volunteer doing something physical with the boats, not just more computer work like I already do). Of course, I thought this last year after I came back from folklife festival and worked at their booth and had a good time so... :) Although Big R has informed me that I have to get all volunteering gigs approved by him so maybe that'll put a stop to it. :P

It's in the eyes.

I'm an eyes girl. Isa and I have talked about what we first look at about a member of the opposite sex (since it is on like every myspace survey known to man. Also I'm on myspace if you want to be my friend you can be.) My stock and rather jokey answer is usually the left hand. You know, to make sure there's no wedding ring. :D But more and more I'm finding I'm attracted to eyes. This past weekend I was volunteering with a guy who isn't cute in the conventional way (mostly because he sports a full beard which is rarely attractive)... but his eyes are just great and I found myself crushing on him a tiny bit. :) He gave me a 'coupon' for a free hour of boat time down at the place he works. I may have to go use that. ;) Actually I had already been planning on dragging the girls there so that'll be fun too. :)

I had a great weekend of volunteering. I got to play with the kiddos and do arts & crap which I love (as we all know). I tried the boot thing yesterday but that lasted about 4.2 seconds... just long enough for me to step into the saturated grass and completely douse my foot in cold wet murky water (apparently my theories about heavy socks and plastic baggies were just not sound. Are we shocked by that?) I also bought a new necklace for myself. It replaces my crystal that I lost. I really like it.

In other news, I read 3 books this weekend (well finished one up, read completely 2 others). I watched multiple movies. I liked x-3 but I'm easy about movies and it entertained me. I'm not especially a comic book reader so since it wasn't cannon I didn't notice the inaccuracies. I tried to watch Fresh Horses (it was on cable, it isn't like I paid for it). I spent most of the movie going what the hell is going on? It was not good.

At my showing of x-3 there was almost a rumble. This big family took up about 2 rows in the theater. They had with them at least 1 toddler and the 2nd child was fairly small maybe 3, not that that's any better. And at some point in the movie one of the children started making baby noises and talking and screeching. So people in the theater shushed the family. The family did not take kindly to this. They started shushing back and yelling at the shushers. The crowd and the family went back and forth several times on this. The dad of the family was starting to front and any of the shushers could come to talk to him and all I could think was are you fucking kidding me? That seems to be my thought frequently.

Chupacabra trumps goat

I was on the bus today and there was a bus poem and the last line was 'chupacabra trumps goat' and that made me laugh so hard.

I also encouraged my good bus karma by helping a guy who was rather confused about the where to get off and all that. Hopefully that'll pay off in the future. :)

I had a lot of fun volunteering today. It wasn't so crowded that I didn't want to be there, but there was a fairly steady enough stream of people that kept me busy most of the time. Although they (the festival) does that one thing I hate... They give you a shift start time and then say "be there 30 minutes early to check in." Baloney. Tell me what time you want me to be there. Plus we spent a lot of time standing around because the children's section didn't open until 11:00 and that part I didn't like. For tomorrow I have to figure out how to wear the boot despite the weather. I didn't wear it today and damn am I paying for it now. I have a wicking sock that I may be able to wear that theoretically keeps the water away from my foot, although I think with this rain this may not work. Maybe 2 socks and a ziploc bag? :)

I feel cute today!

I'm wearing a new skirt and new clothes always makes one feel cute I think. I picked this skirt up at Target over the weekend and although it makes me feel a tiny bit 50's housewife It is comfy and fun. And I've been complimented on it several times today! :)


Isa and I are going to go see X-3 this Friday at the Cinerama. I'm terribly excited about that too. :)

Winkers

I don't like to be winked at. It weirds me out.

Alarming discovery

I have had an alarming discovery today at lunch. I'm sick of chicken and rice. Just so you realize how catastrophic for me this is, I eat some variation of chicken & rice almost weekly. It is my staple Sunday night dinner because it is then served for the next 3 days as left overs. But I can't do it anymore. I can't eat another bite of chicken & rice. (I can eat teriyaki from the teriyaki place or Vietnamese from the Vietnamese place or Chinese from the Chinese place) but no more home cooked chicken and fucking rice. Now what the hell am I going to eat?

Misadventures in driving

I can't believe I keep forgetting to post this. On Saturday, Isa & I went from Target to a barbecue in Ballard (I think Ballard). Now there is an exit in the U district that has a stop sign right off of it and then the road splits and has an island but it is all still one way. Two lanes on one side of the divider go right and the two lanes on the other side of the divider go left. It is important I tell y'all this with regards to the upcoming story so you know I'm not just a lunatic.

Isa and I went to this bbq in Ballard but as we were driving north on the 5 we realized we were going the wrong way so I got off at the next exit. Immideately after the exit there was a stop sign and an island and a set up very similar to the abovementioned set up. Except for 1 very important thing that I didn't discover immediately. So I need to turn left to go across the freeway and based on what made sense in my head I got in the closer lanes. As we're sitting at a light a very very alarming realization occurs. We are going the wrong way on the road and there's a big divider. Fuck. What does one do then? Well, luckily the light changes green with an arrow so one guns it and turns left in front of the car that had been next to them in the proper lane. It was a little alarming but at the same time made us laugh our asses off.

Conflict avoidance

I'm a conflict avoider. I'm not sure if it is my nature, being a middle child, having a mother who is a raving lunatic or a combination of all 3. (Most likely combo) So one of the many ways this manifests itself is that I never ever return things. (Ok maybe it isn't because I'm a conflict avoider, maybe it is a neurotic thing who knows... but I've always been this way). I won't return food that is prepared improperly (ie I asked for medimum rare and the meat came well done). It is almost physically painful for me to send back food that is just blatently wrong, but I do it. (Sometimes). I also never return clothing. I hate to have to explain to people what's wrong or have to talk to people about it at all really. However, I have found a way to do this. Returning an online purchase. I just sent back the shoes that don't fit. It was so easy! I just wrote on the form that they were too narrow and packed it all in a box. They even gave me a UPS label. I didn't have to call anyone or get any pre-approval. This may be the way I purchase stuff from now on. Then I don't have to face the sales lady and say, sorry but this mumu makes me look like shamu on vacation in Hawai'i.

Fat little duck feet strike again

Have I ever mentioned I have fat little duck feet? Since they've never been subjected to the horror of the pump or other girlie shoe, and spent most of their times in birks or tennis shoes (and more recently danskos) they are wide. Unfortunately for my new sandal purchase this is an issue. One pair fits, but will need to stretch a tiny bit to be comfy. The other pair, not even close. And because my feets are so fat, they look hideous to boot. I'll try them on one more time at home, but I'm pretty sure they're going back.

Good!

Good Bye!

Short Fuse

I slept horribly last night. For some reason I was finishing something up when Big Love ended at 11:00 so I ended up watching the beginning of Kicking & Screaming and I got sucked in. It wasn't until after 12:30 that I finally fell asleep. At 4:00 I woke up. And that was that. No going back to sleep. I tossed & turned for awhile before I gave up and read my book. Hence, I'm grumpy as hell today and so far everything Rigby has done this morning has annoyed me.

Buzz buzz goes the buzzy bee.

So far I'm having a fabulous weekend! It's been awhile since I've had so much fun!

Friday at about 4:00 my boss and I were talking about how interminable the day was. It was killing both of us and she totally let me go home early! So that was a good start to the weekend. (Only 1/2 hour but still...)

So tomorrow is Big R's birthday and Friday Boston and Curly haired had a bbq for him at their house. Isa and I went too and Roommate was there and the gross guy (I peeved about him once he eats garbage and grosses me out) showed up. We had a great bbq! Hot dogs and hamburgers and watermelon and corn on the cob and tater tots because Big R loves them. It was just so fun. They ended up in a bit of a cake fight, which was hysterical.

Today I volunteered for a concert held at the U. I got to spend 2 hours out in the sun wandering around listening to some fun music. How much better can it get?

Afterward Isa and I went shopping to Target. I have broken down and joined the polo shirt people. I need something to wear to work when the weather is warmer. I have about 3 button down shirts (men's) that I wear but I hate how women's shirts are always 3/4 sleeve and I hate how sheer they frequently are. Ooh I also bought a cute lavender skirt. I'm thrilled with it! :)

And finally, after that we went to another bbq (Isa & I are popular y'all). This one was a coworker's so there were a lot of fellow employees there. That's always a bit of a weird thing since sometimes it is hard to really tell where our jobs end and our lives begin. One of the guys was telling Isa something that was happening in his office that is wholly inappropriate. And so we wonder sometimes, do we tell our boss this is happening in that office? Do we not? He wasn't exactly telling us with any understanding of confidentiality (since we're at a party surrounded by coworkers). But I'm sure he wasn't telling us because he expected us to run to our boss either. It is weird sometimes. But other than that we were having a good time. I chatted with a cute guy which was fun. Isa's going to get the dish for me next week. :)

Saturday Night Live actually made me laugh out loud tonight and before they have a chance to screw it up in the last 1/2 hour I'm headed to bed. Good night and I hope y'alls weekend was half as fun as mine! :D

Hey remember the 80's?!

Apparently I don't. I'm watching some VH1 80's videos show on one of the way upper music channels. (You know the ones, if you have fancy cable they actually show real videos). There's a news story that's been touted all evening that I want to see, on the 11:00 news and I can't convince myself to watch anything else until 11:00. Anyway, I'm watching these videos and I have had 2 thoughts so far... 1 - Prince was creepy and weird even back then. 2 - I have never ever heard any of these songs. Where's the Duran Duran? Where's the Police? How about a little Eurythmics? No... so far we've had Night Ranger (but not Sister Christian which is the only Night Ranger song I think I can identify) and some band that's on right now that I've never even heard of (Van Stephenson according to the video tag) and Steve Winwood (but he's just annoying and can anyone identify a Steve Winwood song, I thought not...) and Prince, but a Prince song I've never heard of and now a Madonna song, yet again one I've never heard. I ussed to watch MTV and VH1 all the time when I was a kid. I should at least recognize one of these songs! Maybe I'm not a child of the 80's like I thought I was. :)

Thursday Thirteen

I'm trying this out. Could be fun. I don't know how to make a fancy schmancy announcementesque background so I won't do that. :)

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen random things about me.

1. I am currently left handed. I wasn't always left handed. Up until the 2nd grade I was completely ambidextrous and could write with either hand equally well. In 2nd grade I had to choose a hand and apparently I picked left. Some time later I found out that ambidextrousness was linked to learning disabilities.
2. I lived in Indiana for 9 months. It was the longest 9 months of my life. Before I lived there I totally thought I could live some place like that forever. I was wrong. Although that was the first place I had gluten free pizza made for me in a restaurant. That was awesome.
3. One of my favorite artists is Barbara Lavallee. I would totally decorate a kids room (or my own) with her work.
4. When I was younger I wanted desperately to be an astronaut. This carried on into high school where 2 things dampened that dream. 1 - Geometry. 2 - The knowledge that I'd have better odds of getting that dream if I went to a military acadamy (Air Force) and the realization of what it would mean if I had to do that.
5. I lived in Alaska for 5 years. If my sister hadn't gotten sick I may not have left it.
6. I'm considering going back for a master's degree. I can't decide what in. I could get it for free from the university I currently work for but obviously only if I take one of their degree programs and I'm not 100% certain I want to do that.
7. Not counting my parents' house, I've lived in the apartment I currently live in the longest of anywhere I've lived. (That's an awkward sentence).
8. I've been CPR certified every year since I was 14 years old. That's 18 years now. I think I let it lapse this year.
9. My feet have weird issues. They don't bend beyond 90 degrees so now I'm supposed to wear shoes with low heels or orthotics. This is a new thing. I don't like it.
10. (I don't think I'm going to make it to 13)
11. My waspy (which is I guess actually isn't correct because my mom is Catholic) upbringing shuns emotional outbursts. I get weirded out when people cry around me and I feel a little bad about that. (We also don't get angry. We're a very even people, except my mother. She's Catholic so none of these rules apply to her)
12. I'm happiest when I'm seeing new things. I could be a tourist forever.
13. I've been working in my field now for 7 years. I still don't know if this is what I want to do when I grow up.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things.

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New favorite flowers

There's some amazing purple flowering plants on campus right now. They smell beautiful. They are beautiful. Upon closer inspection they are the same plants I saw at Knotts Berry Farm. It is Wisteria. So now I have another plant to add to my imaginary someday garden. Tulips, Morning Glories, Wisteria, probably Jasmine and Japanese Maple trees.

Wisteria Up Close

Wisteria in an arbor (or maybe it is a pergola. Or maybe that's the same thing)

Words of wisdom from my friendly neighborhood payroll manager

Today as I was getting ready to leave for work my payroll manager and I were chatting. I forget how we got on the subject of the fact that I'm still single. We chatted about various aspects of that and she asked if I needed her help in finding someone. I'm all about the adventure so I say sure. So she asks my upper age limit and I say oh I don't know 40. And she tells me that's bad. I should only date someone 4 years older than me. Anything else and it won't work out, that's the Chinese way. (Our payroll manager is Chinese I think.) So I guess that means that the WC and I will never work out since he is more than 4 years older than me. She says odd numbers are worse, even numbers are better but 4 is the best. The most stable distance between a couple because it is like legs on a table. So I asked her the distance between her and her husband - 9 years. Hee...

Homesick...

I'm watching The Amazing Race on CBS today. They are in Anchorage. The snow and beautiful cold is making me totally wish I was there right now. (Although it is May so not necessarily like this right now). I can't wait for October when Michelle & I go.

Yum!

Earlier today I was IMing with Michelle and I was totally craving watermelon. I've been eating it for breakfast for several days and missed my melon fix this morning. So then because I'm improper, I also said that I wanted fried chicken. I didn't really want it until I said I wanted it then suddenly it was all I could think about. So I made some for dinner tonight. It was really really good! :) (Gluten free of course) Fries for dinner too. Yay!

Zapatos

I bought some sandals! Thanks to everyone with recommendations! I went to Sierra Trading Post and Michelle helped me find 2 pair that were cute and relatively cheap. (I spent less on 2 pair plus shipping than I was going to spend on 1 pair.) And they have already shipped. I should have them by next week! I'm so stoked. (And yes I did use the word stoked)

(Pretty for work)





(Rugged for regular wear but still okay for work)

From the fiery pits of hell

I don't do well in the heat. This is why I don't live in Arizona (94 degrees in Tucson today) anymore or why I'll never live in Florida (only 69 today WTF? Oh but they do have the giant cockroaches that look like they could carry off a small child and GWB's brother is the governor so look there are other reasons) despite it being the holyland of my religion. Today it hit over 80 degrees here. We got warmer than LA. Apparently we're hotter than Florida today. And finally, we're hotter than Hawai'i! That's just wrong. If this keeps up I'm moving to Barrow. They only hit 30 today. I can cope with that. (Although I did turn on the in/out fan today (2 fans in one box unit one pulls air out and the other pulls air in) and it is really helping this evening.) If this is going to be one of those hot hot summers I'll be forced to buy something weird from Sharper Image like the Personal Cooling System version 2.0 (ok that one is actually freakishly tempting) or the Iceflow Personal Air Conditioner. Every year I go through this and dream of buying an air conditioner. And every year I talk myself out of it for many reasons... They're hella expensive, I only really would need 1 for a few days every year, they're heavy and so I'd have to have someone come in and help me put it in, and on and on and on. This may be the year I break.

Sandals

I need a new pair of sandals. What kind do any of you recommend? Before you recommend here are 3 limitations - 1 I have weird feet issues so they must have a slight heel, but not too high (per my physical therapist). 2 - I must have backs on them I don't like slides. 3 - I need them in brown. NOW what kind do you recommend? :)

Ooh so far some of those look good! Michelle has pointed out that in my descriptor of #2 I am unclear. I just mean that I need a strap of sort to hold my shoe on. It doesn't have to be an actual back, just something across the heel. I don't like slippy shoes.

Lucky day!

What a lucky day I've had today. (Luck is all relative you know) First, my 3:30 meeting ran long until 4:30, and so I missed my 4:00 meeting. I was expecting an unpleasant voicemail but instead I got one that said "Hi this is employee, I need to reschedule our 4:00 meeting." Yay! Secondly, WC and Isa and I were walking out together and he split off to walk up the hill to the parking lot where his car is parked. And as I walked towards home a bug flew up into my nose! So then I was sniffling about the bug in my nose but luckily, WC didn't witness this. :) See, lucky day! :)

Rich keep getting richer...

I've been reading these various articles in the Seattle PI about the Key Arena and how the Sonics want out because the lease is bad and there isn't enough space and it isn't fancy enough for them and they are losing money and blah blah blah. And as I read the article I just got more and more appalled. Now, honestly, I've only once lived in a place with a 'world class' team. A team that actually went some place and that's when I was living in California. I think one of those years the LA Lakers went to the finals (and maybe won I don't know.. Although I do remember rioting so maybe they won). I digress, I don't follow sports. So back to this article, it was talking about how the cities (or states) provide the funding for these facilities based on bonds and whatnot and yet the sports teams get to keep most of the money. Frequently they don't pay it back. How is that okay? (Oh and if someone comments about the whole how a city benefits with sports teams rhetoric because of sales tax and whatevermy head may explode). I can see the Key arena (and by extension then arenas) benefit because there is plenty of other things to do in that space during the off years. Hockey and basketball sharing a facility. Concerts during off times all that. But a baseball and football field? Each one is for one thing only and not used for other purposes. The whole thing is just nuts. I can appreciate the need for professional level sports. I don't watch it but I get the whole cultural thing but I sure as heck can't get behind cities and states having to pay of multimillions of dollars in construction costs for something that benefits the few.

A bit of randomness for a Monday.

I was going to go to the gym this morning. I had put together my outfit and it was in my pack along with my soap and shampoo and all that and a towel. I washed out the water bottle (put the rum back into the rum bottle) and it was full of water and in the fridge. I was ready. I even went to bed early (10:30) so I could get up at 5:30 this morning and go. 5:30 rolled around. I hadn't counted on 1 thing. Clean sheets on the bed. My bed was just so perfect this morning I couldn't force myself out of it and I ended up falling back asleep. Apparently, though, it was a good thing I couldn't force myself to go this morning as when I got to work and headed to get some breakfast with Isa I discovered I can't find my campus card. I'm sure it is somewhere. I'm sure, though, if I had gotten to the gym at 6ish this morning and not been able to get in without my campus card I would've been livid at myself so apparently my laziness saved me this morning. :) I shall venture forth again tomorrow (provided I can find my damn campus card).

The bbq at my apartment building reminded me kind of why I don't socialize with most of these people. They're kind of freaks. I talked to the trash nazi who mostly just said random things and made me wonder if she was still on this planet. I talked to this other woman and her old sons (my age or older). I was chatting with one and my whole thought process on him was "Is he slow?" The other one I thought was either slow or full fledged developmentally delayed but I wasn't sure. I talked to a few other people there. Then I left and went to the library. I love having books at the library! :)

Tess & I played the make the bed game yesterday. Rigby started the game because she was playing with me as I took the old (and now torn) sheets off the bed but I didn't bother remaking the bed until later in the day. The amount of crap on my bed was phenomenal. Seriously. 2 DVDs, innumerable magazines, a bunch of mail that I never bothered looking at, 5 or 6 blankets, and on and on and on... Now there's just 2 blankets, a book and 3 magazines that I have yet to read. (And the hat of little things like rubber bands and my fingernail clippers for when my fingernail is hanging, honestly if I had space for a bedside table all this crap would go there but I don't so it sits in a hat. It is weird, I know. )

I just got a package from my sister (from my parents really). That's exciting because they had my little book and my hat since vacation. But the box was bigger than I thought it was going to be so I opened it with some trepidation. Hmm... included in the box was my hat and little book (yay) but also a "Washington off the Beaten Path" which I will check out. And a travel yahtzee and travel scrabble. Those were bought with a purpose and now that purpose is gone so I'll just store them and hope I make a new friend who likes to play board games. Maybe Big R since Isa claims she does not like them. Or perhaps some new as yet unmet friend! That's exciting thought!(Matthew & I used to hang out in coffee shops playing board games. I haven't yet told my parents (nor will I probably bother) that we are no longer friends.)

Food drive

Unfortunately this year our post office did worse than last. We only filled up 3 totes, but it seemed like there was a lot more canned goods and so that was good. I was the only volunteer to show up so it was me and the employee from Food Lifeline the whole time. That was fine, actually, since the downtown branch is mostly businesses with neighborhoods like mine and Belltown thrown in it isn't like we need a lot of people to do nothing. :) I'm always fascinated by what people donate. It makes me a bit sad to see how much top ramen gets donated. I know it is cheap and all but seriously... that shit has NO nutritional value whatsoever. In the question of food or starving I suppose it is better than starving, but really... Some times I think that this volunteer project is just an opportunity for me to be nosy. :) I like to see what people donate. Plenty donate just normal stuff. I can kind of tell what neighborhoods things are coming from. Belltown has no regular grocery store, just a specialty kind so there was a lot of fancy schmancy food from that area. Someone got rid of the rest of her (I assume her) nutrisystem meals. I don't know why that made me chuckle but it did. I think we only did about 3,000 lbs this time compared to 3,500 last year.

I bought a new type of bread mix awhile ago and it has a pizza crust recipe on the side. I tried it tonight. I loved how easy it was to work with and not at all sticky like my crust usually is. I was totally able to roll it out without having to put it between 2 sheets of parchment paper. But it is weirdly sweeter than usual but pretty tasty still. I liked it.

There was a sign downstairs when I came home about an all tenant barbecue tomorrow. It is good because this means I'll actually eat lunch tomorrow, but it is weird. I've lived here almost 4 years and we have never done anything with all the tenants. Hell, I only know on sight a few of them. The rest are complete mysteries to me. (Of course I don't like people so that contributes to it I'm sure. :) ) I think I'll go, though. Part of the whole forcing myself to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do because it might actually be good for me thing. I might even have a hamburger bun in the freezer. :)

To spit or not to spit... that is the question

Have I ever mentioned that the italian guy is a total germophobe? Completely and totally freaked out about most things I find somewhat normal. The fact that I own ferrets freaks him out and he never eats anything I offer that I've cooked at home. So today we were talking about brushing our teeth and teeth brushing habits and I mentioned I do it in the shower. He was flabbergasted. He was horrified. He could not speak he was so freaked out. He begged me to stop playing with him. I wasn't. I brush my teeth in the shower while rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. So, here's the question. Is this weird?

Why can't I?

Why must I be at work today? Why can't I be at home in my bed lounging around in jammies?

Also (and unrelated) have you ever thought about doing something really mean? I mean really really mean? This morning as I was walking to work I wondered what would happen if I kicked a pigeon. I like pigeons actually and would never ever do it because that's just cruelty to animals but still... a tiny part of my brain thought "I wonder what would happen if I just reached out and kicked that pigeon" as one walked by me. Of course I probably wouldn't actually be fast engough to do it, but the thought was distinctly there.

A bit weird

I woke up this morning with the worms song running through my head. You know: The worms crawl in the worms crawl out. They eat your guts and they spit them out. How can you escape this awful fate? Please tell me now before it's too late.

I don't want to know what I was dreaming about that caused that, but as Isa and I were talking this morning I thought it could be a brilliant horror movie. A guy called the worm master controls them and they (the worms) sing that song as they eat the insides of a victim's body. (Duh if they can be controlled by a worm master, they can sing i'm sure.) I think Hollywood would eat this up. :)

So cute (part 2)

I don't know if it is because I had low expectations but Monster-In-Law was much cuter than I thought it would be. I just watched it on HBO.

So cute.

The volunteer who came camping with us attended my meeting tonight. The 3 girls that showed up were so excited to see her. It was so cute. :)

If I had a billion dollars...

I was reading this article online today about how with projected tax cuts and spending staying where it is we will increase our national debt by 69 billion dollars. How the heck much is a billion dollars I wondered, so I decided to put it into something tangible. I could buy the following and barely scratch the surface of a billion dollars...

First things first. Homes. Of course now that I've been to Hawaii, I want a home there. I figured that would be the most expensive place I could end up buying in, interestingly enough I was wrong. Of course I stuck to Honolulu so maybe if I had gone to one of the smaller islands I could've spent more. So this is my winter home in Hawaii. It only cost $20,500,000.

My 2nd home I wanted to be in a city on the east coast. I couldn't find a lot that was expensive on realtor.com in NYC (surprisingly enough) of course I just did a cursory search and the pics were bad of what I did find so I headed a bit north to Boston. It is close to Vermont and I could visit Kate if I lived there. This condo (penthouse) on the water would only cost me a cool $9,250,000.

Now so I could be near Michelle and my beloved Disneyland I figured a home in LA would be necessary. This was the place I also found the most expensive homes (of the cities I looked in. I have no doubt that I could find more expensive places elsewhere). This little beauty will cost me $53,000,000. So now I have bought 3 homes in fairly expensive places to live and yet I've only spent $82,750,000 leaving me with $917,250,000 left of my billion dollars.

But of course... I need CARS in my cities. I decided on this ferrari convertible for Hawaii. You have to drive a convertible there! I think it is a state law and wouldn't this be sporty to take around all the curves there. This bad boy is only $207,199 with the options I put in it, and you can be sure I picked all sorts of options.

For Boston, I picked this car. A maybach (Michelle mentioned it once in a post on The Peevery and it has been fixated in my head ever since). I don't know what makes it so snazzy but it does look sedate and the kind of quietly flashy car you'd see there. I could have it set up so that I have a driver and I like that idea. I hate to find parking in the city. With all the options I picked (including a playstation, I gots to have my entertainment) it came up to $495,145.

And finally for LA. This is a Mercedes of sorts. Michelle recommended it to me. Of course I went for all sorts of bells and whistles on it as well. It also is sporty and given an entirely clear PCH I could imagine how fun it would be for Michelle to drive it up and down the coast at her breakneck pace. (I've gotten to be a wuss about driving so when not in LA, I'd let her drive it and when I visited she could just drive me places because I'm a big baby. :) ) This bad boy with all the extras (including extra large seats for my extra large ass) came to $511,478. So the grand total on cars only came up to $1,213,822. Leaving me still with $916,036,178. Not even cleared 100 mil yet. I'm bad at this!

Now if I'm living this high life, do I really want to have to travel with the rif raff on the airlines schedule? Of course not! So I looked into private plane ownership. This little jet could carry 12 people which is perfect. I would have to hire a pilot to fly me around, but that's okay. I'd keep him on retainer so he could fly me anywhere anytime. The price tag on the plane alone... $21,000,000.

When I'm in Hawaii, I may want to visit other islands or just get away from all the doldrums of possession ownership. What would be perfect in Hawaii... a sailboat. Isn't this one gorgeous. I found it on a yacht website. Sailboats aren't terribly expensive. This one was only $25,000,000. It is kind of ugly, and I think I'd prefer one that was more schooner like, but I went for price and luxury not something I like the looks of. :)

I'm still not spending money well. I've still got way too much, not even 1/2 a billion spent yet. Then I find this yacht. Ugly (to my eye) as hell, but luxurious beyond belief. I think it would be my LA yacht. I'd let charity groups hold functions on it. Well, when I'm not using it to zip up and down the coast. Price tag for this... $173,384,550. I couldn't believe it when I saw it either. Over 100 million dollars?! Amazing.

Finally, the last thing thing that would make me happy. A little cottage in the woods on a lake. This one is even in Washington. I'd probably spend most of my time here (oh do I need to now search for a WA appropriate car? :) ) This little place only runs $789,000. The cheapest of all my homes. It is on a lake, though, so that would make me happy.

What did I learn from this experiment? A billion dollars is a buttload of money. All these things could be purchased and I would be barely spending money. The grand total of all the things I purchased: only $304,173,320. And if I hadn't found that yacht I wouldn't even be 1/2 way there. A little freaky to me... how much a billion dollars really is. Even freakier... how much 69 billion dollars is.

Fancy Party

So I went to the party at the Space Needle for the bank that we are associated with. I was underdressed, but not so much so that I felt really awkward or weird. I had gray work slacks and a blue-grey fitted 3/4 sleeve shirt. Almost all the men were in suits. I got there a bit late and there was a woman outside smoking who had a tag on so she introduced herself and helped me get upstairs. She invited me to join her at her table with her husband and a few other people she knew. She was very bawdy and friendly and funny as were the other people at the table. They all worked in homebuilding. It was interesting. The skyline level is actually still quite low, but the view was cool. They had pretty good food and booze. Although I only drank coke. There were no young single guys there. At least not as far as I could tell, but I still had a pretty good time. At about 7:00 I went up to the top to the observation deck. It is so peaceful up there. I could stay there for hours. But at about 7:30 I headed back down and left. All in all it was an adventure and I got to do something I don't usually do so that's always good for me. :) (Plus I'm impressed with myself that I actually went. Usually I won't go if I don't know anyone who is going to be there.)

A few Wednesday things

I forgot to mention this, but yesterday I got like 6 compliments on the clothes I was wearing. I was wearing a purple sweater buttoned at the top with a white tank underneath. It looked very springy and cute. It was very nice to be complimented so much. Today I think I look like a rain cloud because I'm wearing gray pants and a pale blue button down shirt.

I've been having a lot of dreams recently about being on a quest or having an adventure. They've been really vivid and really involved. I think it is because I've been reading this adventure series lately. According to dreammoods.com, where I get all my dream interpreatations, searching: To dream that you are searching for something, signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. You may be searching for a solution to a problem. (Or I read a bunch of books about a massive quest, you tell me. :) )

In case you care, Saturday is the letter carrier's food drive. You can leave non-perishable foods outside by your mailbox and the mailman will pick them up and then they get sent to your local foodbank. (And people like me will be unloading the food from the truck and putting it into boxes. There may be an opportunity to volunteer if you're more inclined to help that way).

What to do... what to do...

This week I have 2 activities scheduled that I want to do. One is a cocktail reception for a bank we do business with. It will be held at the top of the space needle. I will have to go alone, though because Isa has class. I will probably be underdressed, but I'm not so concerned about that. But it will be a beautiful location and there'll be lots to see and probably fancy treats blah blah blah. Of course, I won't know anyone so that will make me neurotic. The other event is a book thing at a local bookstore. It is in Pioneer Square which is a bit of a travel for me but not insurmountable. It is for the Post Secret book, a subject I'm completely fascinated with. Again I will know no one. But it will be in a slightly less hmm... what's the word... formal environment. It has the potential to be crowded and I hate crowds. Now following the external laws that seem to govern Joanne's life, the natural has happened. Both events are for the same time on the same day. So which do I attend? (Option C would be that I attend neither because this has caused me so much extra thinking I don't even want to do either anymore. :) )

Like reripping open a scab

It is amazing how one little visit from someone has knocked down the tower of 'I'm fine' I had built. I'm hoping beyond hope that once I lance all this anger and bitterness and hurt out of me like an angry boil I can be done really really done.

About a month and a half ago, I was talking to Matthew and I made the comment that sometimes he hurts my feelings. This is not untrue. His response, "I'm no longer speaking to you." I didn't actually think he was serious. In fact, I walked down stairs with him and we chatted while he was in the bookstore and then out the door. It wasn't until later that night while instant messaging that I discovered he was completely and totally serious. This post about being angry is one that relates to it. As does this one. So I go through this roller coaster of emotions and any time I see him I'm always on the brink of tears because it is like I get hit in the solar plexus and I can't breathe. I'm so hurt by this I don't even know how to cope. But I start feeling better... well ok not better but maybe less sad... ok well not less sad but more able to cope and then I post this post on Friday after walking past him when I was with Isa. And I get an email from him letting me know that my reputation is on the line because people in his office have noticed me pointedly ignoring him. So I point out how rarely we see each other but apparently 3 people he knows, who know me, know the 'whole story' and think that I'm being childish. Now I'm pissed and I'm having a difficult time understanding how him deciding never to speak to me again and me reacting by avoiding him makes me the childish one. And I'm hurt because honestly, unless he is speaking unkindly of me, how am I coming out to be the villian in this story? And so I post this on the peevery (looks like I've outed an unknown peever post). I'm so angry and hurt all over again. WC even sees me crying at work dammit (WC does have an inkling of it because he has wandered into my office twice when I have been all atwitter). Besides Isa and other coworker in my office (and she only tangenitally, she definitely does not know 'the whole story), my boss is the only one who has an inkling of what is going on. Here's how that conversation transpired... She: I see that there's an opening in payroll, your friend Matthew should try for it. Me: We're not actually speaking right now. She: Oh? Me: Yeah, we had a falling out. She: Oh, okay, well I hope you work it out. Me: Unlikely, but thanks. Notice how neither of us come across as childish in this conversation? Notice how no further information is actually required. So I end up all woe is me on Saturday and to snap myself out of it, I post this. It is really important to me to be able to reframe it when I'm upset. So now we're on to today. He appears in my office. And he tells me he isn't speaking ill of me behind my back and that he just wanted to let me know since I work in Human Resources and it is important that people feel comfortable coming to me with issues. And I point out that they could come to me if they had questions about this. To which he replies well why would they. A little more conversation occurs and I finally end it with what I really want is to not cry every time I see you. I say this as tears start to roll down my cheeks so I turn away. Basically dismissing him. I email him and we go back and forth a few more times, basically he thinks he is helping me and protecting himself at the same time.

It has taken me awhile to figure out why this is killing me so much... Besides the obvious. While wandering through the stacks of the library today, I figured it out. I was summarily dismissed. No this is how I feel, let's try to work this out. NO, I need something different from you. No actual indication that the last several years actually meant anything. No respect for whatever friendship we had. Just I'm no longer talking to you. Whatever.

New Challenge

I've updated my Donor's Choose challenge with new proposals. One to dissect owl pellets. (How many of you did that in your youth? Very cool). One to grow plants. I LOVE plants! And one for a math game. So get on it. :) (Now that I've been paid, I can finally give my share.)

Some Random Pictures

So Michelle & I were discussing these new pajamas I bought over the weekend and I said I should take a picture of them because they are a little creepy. She confirmed that I did but as I was pulling the pics of the jammies off the camera I discovered others to post so here's a mishmash of pictures from the past week or so.

This is the pot I will be sending to my mother for Mother's Day. It is the same thing the girls did. Although now that I look at it, I think the bottom may be too big. Plus I totally should've made the whole pot sky blue then painted the flowers on that so it looked a little less like 5 year old with a crayon - the top of the pic is the sky which is blue and the bottom is grass which is green and the middle is apparently clear.

Creepy Pajama Bottoms. They are left over from the Girl Scout cookie sale last year. They were a reward and apparently they expected more fat Girl Scouts than they ended up with because these are adult sized. I like fun pajama bottoms and these are silky and I like them, but I realized after putting them on the eyes are somewhat creepy. Ok more than somewhat... I feel compelled, however, to say that I bought the whole fabulous pajama ensemble for a whopping $7.00.

So this is Pajama Top that goes with pants. I thought it was very cute, pink sleeves and black top and the cat's eyes with the little smile is all cute. Tonight I discovered something uncute... The eyes glow in the dark! I went into the bathroom and before I turned on the light I noticed this weird shit on my chest. Glowing cat eyes. CREEPEEE!

Baby Ducks! This is the U's reflecting pool. There is a weird grassy box in it on one side and the mama duck (seen above) laid eggs. This is the first year that she has done so. She had 13 little ducklings. Aren't they cute?

One all by his (her?) lonesome. So cute. You can also see the pennies in the bottom of the pool. Weird a bit.

Go little duckie go! It was on its way back to mama because I scared it a bit.

Tess (and satan eyes apparently). That's my night time boot she's curled up in. She seems to like it, although actually I think she likes chewing on it. The green and pink thing is a blanket I made myself. The quilt is some cheap thing I bought at a store and that's my sleeping bag in the background. (You can also see my green & yellow painted wall and the chair o' clothes in the background). All this is crap that was piled on my bed, but I at least moved it before I went to bed.

Camping in Oregon

Yay! The 2nd annual Girls' trip is on! I have just hooked us up with a unit at Cape Lookout in Oregon. Hopefully it is as pretty as the pictures indicate it is!

Life is great!

It is a beautiful sunny day here and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. I got some good news this morning from one of my coworkers and that has made me happy. I am headed to the library after work to pick up 2 more books in the series I'm reading. Ok I just checked the library's website, I'm not going to the library to pick them up today... Book 5 is lost and Book 4 is in storage and unreachable. What the hell? Stupid library. And unfortunately the Cap Hill branch doesn't have these either. I'm going to have to make a serious effort tonight to find my library card so I can put those two books on reserve.

Anyway, I've totally digressed about being happy today. I've been trying to find a campsite for the 2nd annual girls' camping trip. (Adult girls not little girls) Last year we went to Nehalem Bay in Oregon. Isa's roommate wants to go to Oregon again because she says their sites are better than Washington's. So I'm looking. The problem is we decide this too late to find a spot (again!). Last year we lucked into a place. There seem to be plenty at Devil's Lake, almost too many... Any of you Oregonians ever been there? :)

I managed to make dinner last night so I have left overs today. Since apparently I'm not going to the library, only to the grocery store, maybe I'll get more dishes done today. I also need to take out the trash (oh crap, I just realized I left a bag of bagged trash on the floor intending to take both bags out last night, I didn't. Those damn ferrets better not have dug in the bag or they're toast, TOAST I say!). :) and deal with some recycling. Maybe I need to be like Michelle and turn off the TV at night, until 8:00 at least. Although more seriously... I need to not turn on the computer! That's my downfall. I think I'll try that this week. I'll still be on, but I won't allow myself to turn it on until 8:00. Yay! A plan. I can listen to one of my new CDs while I do dishes. I picked up 2 Christian CDs online a couple weeks ago. I know I know, I'm not Christian, but my friend from college Shelley was a Mennonite for awhile, and she turned me on to this alternative Christian band... Yeah I feel like a weirdo even typing that, but I like them and they aren't so ... preachy.

Insatiably thirsty

I think it is a carry over from my extreme dehydration while camping (really I don't drink enough water to begin with but somehow I managed to drink almost NOTHING while camping, which was evidenced by the fact that I think I peed 4 times the whole weekend, I know TMI), but I feel like I cannot get enough to drink today. And since I am not a fan of water, I will admit it has been juice, but I just keep drinking and drinking and drinking. Also, I've spoken of this before but I really have to stop not eating on Sundays. I had a few strips of bacon this morning at about 11:30 and nothing until dinner at 9:30. That's not a good habit to be in. Somehow I manage on Saturdays to eat, but Sundays it just doesn't happen.

Movies!

I went and saw V for Vendetta yesterday. It was excellent. I don't know what I thought the movie was about, but it wasn't what I saw. For some reason I thought she was V and she was avenging someone else. I had no idea. From V's opening speeches I was transfixed by the guy. His opening monologue when he saved the girl was brilliant, I don't know if that's lifted straight from the books or from the writers of the movie, but once I picked up on it I was hooked. And now that I know that V was played by the same guy as the one who was one of the drag queens in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, I'm even more amazed. I really like Natalie Portman but I am starting to believe the reviews I've read of her being a bit wooden. I thought she was a tiny bit stiff in this too.

I watched The Interpreter last night. I had wanted to see it before and finally caught it on cable last night. I liked it too. It moved quickly and kept my interest. Up until the end, I had no idea what was going to happen. Nicole Kidman was electrifying. Just the right mix of quiet desperation and fear. I don't remember if I heard good things about the movie, but maybe that helped me to like it more.

This morning I watched Something the Lord Made. It is an HBO movie starring the brilliant Alan Rickman and quietly powerful Mos Def. Basically it chronicles the partnership between Rickman and Def as the doctor and his assistant who pioneered heart surgery. They saved blue babies through their amazing techniques. I really enjoyed it too and highly recommend it.

The Glad Game

Have any of you seen Disney's Pollyanna? I actually love it and will watch it almost every chance I can when I see it on TV. This morning I was feeling rather woe is me about all the stuff I feel like is going wrong. I've been hurt by someone I thought was a friend (I actually thought I was done being hurt by this, but clearly I was wrong) and things didn't work out quite the way I wanted on the not a thing with the wc so I was all set to write a long whinging post about how my life sucks. And then I decided to reframe it and look at the great things I do have. Basically play the Glad Game. (Really watch Pollyanna, I really am trying hard to live my life by 2 principles I learned in this movie, 1 being the glad game, the other being the quote from Lincoln, If you look for the worst in people expecting to find it, you surely will)

1 - I have great friends in Michelle and Isa and Big R, and in newer friends like The Italian Guy and Harry Potter. They accept me for who I am and don't try to have me conform to their standards. They would never talk badly about me behind my back to make themselves look better.

2 - I have a good job that allows me a lot of time outside of work to pursue the things I love to do like volunteer.

3 - I earn enough money to pay my bills and have some extras like HBO or going to the movies.

4 - I have a great Girl Scout troop. They rock and make me laugh every meeting.

5 - I have a good friendship beginning with wc. Even if nothing ever happens that I want to happen, I still enjoy talking to him and listening to his band. And who knows, maybe at one of the shows I go to I will meet someone else. :) (although I don't know if I'm evolved enough to be able to talk about a girl he is dating or wants to date with him yet... :P )

6 - I have a good apartment that is close to everything I could want and allows me to be car free. Yeah it needs to be cleaned but I really like my little space especially because it is all mine.

7 - I have great tits. Yeah, this is shallow and in the grand scheme of things doesn't mean a lot, but I like 'em and that makes me happy.

8 - I'm funny and fun. I like the simple things in life and have a good time with people around me.

I'm sure there's other things to be glad about, but these'll do for now. :)

Thing that wasn't a thing...

Well it clearly wasn't a date. CLEARLY. Before the show, we both just hung out in our offices. We kind of did our own thing. I sat in my office and wrote a blog post I didn't post, and he read. We headed over to the show together and chatted before hand. Watched the show and laughed and laughed. During intermission we chatted some more. During the 2nd half there was some actual physical contact... that is if you count 1 elbow barely touching the others as we shared the arm rest as physical contact. After the show we walked back to the offices and went our separate ways. I think I may have to face the fact that he really isn't interested. Which is really just the capper to my crappy day.

Edit: I like talking to other delusional girls. :) I just spoke with Isa who assures me that a - he's a geek boy and they are like a minimum of 10 times more difficult to be involved with than regular boys. b - I shared with her that he had knocked on my office at about 6:00 to see what time we were going to meet and I had been crying which was clear due to my red eyes so she thinks he was being respectful since he knows I've been upset and hurt and angry today. I appreciate her. :D

Was gonna....

I was going to do this fun post with pictures of what I'm wearing today because of the thing that is not a thing that I'm not excited about in a girly dumb way and that I have no hopes or expectations for... But I can't. I know I've taken pictures of myself in the tank top I'm currently wearing before (both at Disneyland and I thought in Hawai'i) but apparently I've never saved them anywhere on the net. (Either at snapfish or geocities where I store pics) so no pic of my blue tank top. So that's that. In case you care what I'm wearing to this thing that isn't a thing, I'm wearing a cute tank top that I like a lot that is kind of a faded dark blue with embroidery on it. I have a black zip up hoodie over it making it appropriate for work (to hide the dragonfly tattoo on my back if nothing else). And jeans and my little black shoes. All in all I think it is a cute, yet functional for work outfit. :)

I seem to have put my friend Isa into a pickle without meaning to. Someone I know is no longer speaking to me. It has been going on awhile and several people are actually rather surprised it is still going on. I'm not. A mind has been made up and that's that. I'm sad but getting less sad about it. However, this is the cause of Isa's pickle. She knows that since person A is not speaking to me, I am not speaking to person A (why bother obviously). She never knows how to respond when we walk past person A. I will not acknowledge the presence of person A, but person A will say hi to Isa. She gets flustered. I've told her it doesn't bother me if she wants to talk to this person and it would, in fact, be petty and ridiculous of me to 'forbid' it. We talked about it today (since we saw person A today) and I asked her if it would be easier if I just forbid her from talking to person A any time she & I were together. Apparently it would be, so I did. :) She's so silly sometimes.

Pobrefeetas

(Poor little feet) :)

Today was our annual benefits fair. I put it on and it was a rousing success, thankyouverymuch! :) I dressed up especially for the occasion. I am very happy in the dress I'm wearing, it is one of my favorites. My poor feet, though. I've been on them for the hours from 9:00 - 2 and they are unhappy campers. I also didn't eat too much today so I may be starving. :) But the vendors were thrilled. The employees enjoyed themselves. I look good to my little and big boss. What more do I need?

In other news, my potentially exciting, ok maybe not but it is kinda cool but I don't want to get my hopes up just so they end up dashed but really it could be good, or nothing at all so let's not be all girly about everything news is.. The artist formerly known as WC and I are going to a play together. I was talking last week after mission day that I saw a piece of the play during mission day and how great it was and he mentioned he wanted to see it and asked me when I was thinking of going. I told him I was going to go next week (this was Thurs last week) and he said when I made up my mind, let him know and he'd go with me. So yesterday I confirmed and we're planning for a Friday show. So while it isn't a date exactly, it is an event outside of the work place (sort of since it is on campus) and could be a step in the right direction. But I'm not excited. Ok?! :)

Dreaming of the sun...

When I was in college, the dorm I lived in had distinct sunny side and dark sides. In fact by Memorial Day the dark side of the building would still have snow in the shadows. Today, I'm looking out the high windows of the building I work in and the sky is blue and the sun is shining and I'm day dreaming about being in college again. I'm dreaming about lying on my bed on the sunny side of the dorm (all 4 years I was on the sunny side of the building) and just taking a catnap in the sun. It was usually chilly outside but in this sunny spot it was toasty and just perfect.

I need the sun. I've been sad a lot more than I like to be lately. I need to get out of that mindset.