Job drama has come to a head, and not in a good way for me. We left off with candidate 2 not necessarily going to work out because of the hours she wanted and candidates 1 & 3 being unacceptable. Now since I was to be held up with those, one would think that I would be the next logical candidate. One would be completely and 100% wrong. Tuesday, I found out from coworker 1 (I went to the basketball game with her, she's the one who works at Barnes & Noble), that biggest boss had been having a chat with an MBA candidate (not an interview, just a chat) and biggest boss encouraged her to apply. For the job. That was supposed to be closed.
Yesterday, I spent the day trying to get into biggest boss's office to find out the scoop, what was going on now that candidate 2 was out. Didn't happen. This morning, I snare biggest boss between meetings to find out what the scoop was and what this means in terms of me and the position. (Keep in mind he has known since Monday C2 wouldn't work out). Well, he says, C2 isn't going to work out because we just can't get the schedule to work. But, happenstance he was talking to a gal who he thought would be a good match so he is going to bring her in for an interview and someone else has submitted a late application so he is going to check that person out too. What does this mean for me? Well, I would've been compared with those 3 but the other 2 candidates were unacceptable so he is bringing in some other candidates. So then he says he wants someone with more general HR experience. He asks me how I am feeling about that, and as I walk out on the verge of tears, I'm fine I say.
How am I feeling? Hurt, Disappointed, like this has been a shady deal? He's known my experience this entire time, and NOW he has decided I'm not right. At any time (including in the beginning) he could've said 'You know we want someone with more experience.' I wouldn't have been thrilled, but I wouldn't feel like I've had one put over on me. I've wasted all this hope and time fretting about something I wasn't ever going to get. He told me I could apply. He told me I'd be in the top 2. NOW apparently I'm not good enough? PLUS yeah, late application my ass. The job has been reposted and is now out in the newspaper again. If he never had any intention of hiring me he should've been up front. I shouldn't have had to ask. I shouldn't feel like he was jerking me around.
The part that's making me cry the worst, I really valued him as a boss. I thought he was a good person, and I believed in him. And now I can't. When my coworkers & I have interviewed people, they always say he's the best boss and now I don't believe he is. For me, I try to look for the good in people and I'm loyal to the people I know and like. Since it is so hard for me to trust someone to begin with, when they break it it hurts me that much more. And I believed this boss when he said he would give me a fair shot and now I know that's not true. I feel like the whole thing was just so shadily done and I can't stay there anymore. He barely would look me in the eye while we were having this little chat. So to that end, I'm applying to the job in Mountlake Terrace. Hell, I could always move to suburbia and for the same rent I pay, get an apartment with a dishwasher, washer/dryer and deck. I would love to container garden on a deck.
Is 05 over yet? I'm getting kind of tired of sadness and tears.