Monday, January 03, 2005

Male/Female Checklist

My coworker and I were lamenting today on men and how difficult it is to find single, straight ones. Not all men wear wedding rings, and not all non-flaming men are straight as we’ve discovered. She had been flirting with a guy at her other job for a few weeks only to discover this past week that he is married. Any married man take note, unless it is blindingly obvious that you are married (ie gold, silver or platinum band on your left hand) don’t flirt with us singletons. We may actually think you are serious. I was out on Thursday night of last week and met this niceish guy in the gay bar I frequent. Now since I’m in a gay bar, I have one stock assumption, the boys are gay. Friday night, my friend V, talks to him and discovers said guy is straight. Hell, had I known he was straight; I might have made more of an effort. Yeah, I flirt with gay boys, but I don’t necessarily need to add to my roster of gayboyfriends. I have too many as it is. As my coworker and I were swapping stories, it became clear what we needed. We need an identification card system for men. They carry them and we can accurately get all the statistics we need in one glance. The statistics we need:

  • Straight or Gay or Bi
  • Married or Single or Living in Sin
  • Employed full time (I’m not money grubbing, I just want him to have a full time job, although Michelle would say income)
  • Number of kids
  • Living situation (I don’t care if he has roommates as long as they are not his parents and/or an ex (current) girlfriend)
  • Age (Real Age – None of this 50 but acts like 30 shit)
  • Drug habits (I personally am not 420 friendly, but hey this will help a gal who is)
  • Smokers (Again, not for me personally but for the broad spectrum)
  • Diseases??? (You know if I can catch something I want to know ahead of time)
  • Religion
  • Virgin? (I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the exact number, unless that number is zero)

In return, I'll offer up that we women will carry the same card. Hell, I'll even throw in a few for us that aren't on there for men:

  • Prada/Gucci/Louis Vuitton habit
  • Kink factor
  • Spits or swallows
  • Currently taking mood stabilizing medications
  • Preferred method (or current method) of birth control including pill taking reliability
  • Actual Cup Size (as opposed to those fancy schmancy bras we wear that can trick you)
  • Any past psycho behavior (to later be defined)

C'mon wouldn't this make life so much easier. We read down the stats, if we can live with them great we can begin the process, if not, we don't end up wasting each other's time. :)

1 comment:

Peeved Michelle said...

Sounds good to me. I wish I'd had something like that in the past.

Married man who was flirting with your friend for two weeks without every casually mentioning his wife is either a cheater or wants to be a cheater.