This is how we do it in S-town bitches.

So Matty P and I field tripped to the college I work for to see my work team play our Alma Mater. This was entirely more fun than I thought it would be, especially given that I don't realy have an affinity for basketball. We take our seats somewhere around the middle of the bank. There is a distinct aisle between our side and the other side.

While we are waiting we make a few observations. One being that it is obvious why these teams are not Division 3. Both teams have some of the shortest players ever. Seriously, some of them were as short as V. People slowly come in, and we think we're probably going to be the only UAFers there until we see girl with UAF beret and scarf.

At some point a gaggle of black men enter. A large gaggle of large black men with a handful of women and children thrown in for good measure. Ok, we think, they're here to cheer on one of the home team players. Interestingly enough, the aisle seems to form an unsaid dividing line between students (most of whom were not black) and gaggle of large black men (GOLBM).

In the student section, 3 boys appear in the front row wearing red and white striped rugby shirts. They are: fat guy, faux punk boy (he's so punk because he has long scraggly goatee, mohawk and tattoo on back of leg, but seriously so not punk since he is wearing a red & white striped rugby shirt) and computer geek boy. They cheer and generally be obnoxious, however not offensively obnoxious (this is important).

At half time we are 'treated' to a halftime show by the cheerleaders and red striped boys are joined by pseudo-intellectual obnoxious hipster (PIOH). PIOH frequently shouts those weird intellectual insults that no one in the audience understands but he thinks are oh so clever. (Oh and in basketball scores, UAF was up at halftime).

At some point PIOH starts to get a little too obnoxious for GOLBM and actually harangues them for cheering for Alaska. GOLBM doesn't take to kindly to them and one of the pack starts doing the chest puffing and posturing and is pulled back by one of the other gaggle. PIOH, full of the bravado and stupidity and testosterone only a 18something boy can have returns the fronting. This goes back and forth a couple of times until woman intervenes. Now men, you know when your woman gets between you and stupidass punk, you have to back down and large black man does. However PIOH continues to be just a total freaking ass. He turns to fauxpunkboy and they chat, and you can totally tell that PIOH is full of bravado and telling fauxpunkboy how he would kick large black man's ass.

Now we, in the audience, are mostly amused by this. Sad little student door keeper worker is not. He is having a small coronary and keeps going to talk to the security guards who are stationed around. It gets so bad, the refs question both PIOH and GOLBM to make sure everything is okay.

At the very beginning of the show (oops game) they did announce that fans in the audience exhibiting unsportsmanlike behavior will be ejected. I so wished they would've followed through. So PIOH and GOLBM are continuing their back and forth, except really, there's no contest. GOLBM ARE kind of scary (but a couple of them, totally hot). Matty P and I finally figure out why they are for UAF, one of the players is from Seattle. This must be his entire family, pastor, random friends and neighbors.

The game is actually getting hot and heavy too. UAF is up by something like 7 points and then suddenly we're tied. UAF manages to get the lead and ultimately wins. YAY! I cheered a lot and really got into it towards the end. It was just so exciting.

After the game our associate director of athletics, is standing next to PIOH while GOLBM leave. So I walk up to him and say, you do realize that PIOH was completely in the wrong right? GOLBM had been doing nothing wrong until PIOH harassed the shit out of them. Apparently this is common practice for PIOH and he does this at every men's basketball game, never the women's which are all nice and quiet. That's nice to know since Matty P & I will be attending the women's basketball game when UAF comes too. Why they don't eject him from the games is beyond me.

I'm sure Matty P will put up his own commentary full of quotes from the event, since I don't remember any of that crap and he writes shit down. :) There was one guy who made the comment that if a black man knew his name he'd be scared. Very white suburban of him I suppose. Oh and the whole time Matty P & I were being snarky and hoping that GOLBM would kick the shit out of PIOH (which they were kind of threatening to do) this couple in front of us were listening and laughing their asses off. That is all (and damn a fairly long story to boot).